[00:00:00] Leah: Welcome to episode 32 of The Balancing Busy Podcast. I’m Leah Remillet, and today’s episode is a Love Letter to the Unsatisfied, the unsure, the woman who maybe feels like she should be so happy and yet isn’t. and isn’t even sure why. I was going through an old inbox, one that I honestly don’t even really keep anymore trying to find an email from.

[00:01:07] Years and years ago, and in all my searching, I came across this thread of all of these women replying to something that I had shared back in 2018. And as I read it, as I felt all the emotions come back. Remembering when I wrote it, I wanted to share it in my own voice. It had originally been shared as a blog post and it’s my story, my love letter of trying to figure out how to be content, how to be happy, what was wrong with me, and why I wasn’t.

[00:01:43] When everything looked like it should be so great. So here it is.

[00:01:49] It was this love letter that I had written of my journey and my story of trying to find joy, greater contentment, more peace, trying to understand why it wasn’t there when everything. Looked like it was so great. It really was so great, and I’ll share how I had been feeling angry at myself for not being happy when it felt like I should be.

[00:02:20] There’s this quote, who cares how fast you’re going if you’re going in the wrong direction? Well, this is my. Of being unsure of my direction, sometimes even going down the wrong one and finding my way back. And I hope that it gives you hope and peace and assurance that you can find yours to. Here we go.

[00:02:46] When this journey started in 2009, I was just a girl into blogging because, well, we lived in ocean, away from family for school and. I was trying to stay in contact with our parents and siblings and friends. Then I convinced my husband to let us sell his laptop so I could buy a camera. I had had this moment in between helping him study for finals and raising three babies, three who were all under three, where it hit me that nothing was ever going to be my accomplishment.

[00:03:19] It was always one of. Hubby had gotten into grad school. One of the kids was walking or maybe sleeping through the night. I was the support and I wish I were the kind of angelic human who that didn’t bother, but I’m not. So it made me resentful. I wanted something of my own. And in a split second, I decided it would be a photography business.

[00:03:41] Hence the camera. Looking back and admitting this to you. No wonder I went over the deep end. I mean, I hustled like nothing you’ve ever seen for going sleep almost entirely. I was nothing close to the carefree, glamorous girl boss that I had envisioned, but I had done quote unquote, quote unquote it to the outside.

[00:04:04] My business was a big financial success, but I paid a high. And in 2012, I landed myself in an ambulance after collapsing at the zoo, leaving my kids alone in front of the alligator exhibit because my body refused to keep going on my insane hustle mantra. One thing was clear I had to change everything.

[00:04:27] before the hospital even discharged me, I started looking for where I could make changes. And once again, I went all in. I studied systems, psychology, automation, outsourcing. I became obsessed with how to create the most significant impact in the fewest amount of hours from marketing to checking my inbox.

[00:04:48] How could. In and out and all the while produce more results and I got good at it. I was earning an incredible income if I’d been full-time, let alone working 15 to 20 hours a week. Through this, I discovered my love for helping and encouraging women like you women who. Were like I had been to get out of that ugly and cultivate their own curiously simple success.

[00:05:18] I began speaking all over the US and I developed a training program for photographers on how to structure and experience based high profit business. And then I set bigger goals and I reached them me little me, the girl who cannot spell with no one expecting much of, I mean, truly. I had defied it all. I got everything I said.

[00:05:42] I wanted the beautiful home, the car, lavish vacations for my family and I had time for them. And yet, and I know what you might be thinking, heck, I am thinking it. How can there abandon yet? What is freaking wrong with you? It’s hard to admit all of this because I feel like it makes me look like an ungrateful gi, and I’ll just say it.

[00:06:03] I was, I mean, I wasn’t, in some ways, I was so aware of how blessed I was and I thanked God every single day, but simultaneously I wasn’t content. I knew there was something so off. I didn’t feel happy and I didn’t know how to explain that, not to myself. And I sure as heck wasn’t going to admit that I wasn’t feeling happy to anyone else, but inside there was this disconnect, this aching, not all the time, nowhere near all the time, but in the quiet moments it was there.

[00:06:37] I needed to reclaim joy after many conversations with my husband, that same incredible man who was willing to sell his laptop so I could buy a camera. We sat and we reflected and then asked ourselves what is it we want most? What are we trying to instill in these three little gifts we’ve been entrusted to raise?

[00:07:00] This is what we knew for sure. One, we wanted them to love God and feel that he loves them and knows them. Two. We wanted them to be brave to instill a willingness to lean into the challenges of life and to know that they can do hard things. And three, we wanted them to fiercely believe that they matter, that they are deeply loved, and that family is the sweetest gift of mortality.

[00:07:25] So we did what any utterly abnormal and possibly unbalanced parents would do. We sold our home. My dream car pulled our kiddos from school. and we stepped onto our first flight with five passports in hand. I share all about that in other episodes and on my website and blog, but in retrospect, it was one of the best things we’ve done as a family.

[00:07:50] We were gone for eight months and in that time we discovered seven incredible countries. .

[00:07:56] I had planned to share the journey all along the way, but somehow it never felt quite right. It was incredibly personal on so many accounts. I was trying to resolve this commotion inside of me, find my purpose, my joy. Simultaneously. I wasn’t willing to share a highlight reel that didn’t serve you, so I shared very little through our months traveling and just like that.

[00:08:17] In the final days before Christmas of 2016, we were. , our time abroad allowed that much needed clarity that I had pleaded for. Everything looked bright and possible. I was ready to bring what I had found in myself back home, and truly live my best life. And then, ugh, those two little words that somehow when put together change everyth.

[00:08:46] almost immediately after arriving home, things fell apart as personal tragedy hit our family. We did the only thing we knew how we held tight to each other. Trials kept mounting. I couldn’t understand why everything was happening to us. I didn’t know how to navigate, let alone solve any of it. I had two thoughts over and over as I searched within myself to keep holding on and picking us all back up.

[00:09:09] The first was, of course, not at all helpful if we’re being totally honest. , I was filled with rage and anger, much of it toward myself because there I had been having it so good and I wasn’t satisfied. How dare I not have been satisfied? And now everything hurts so badly and what I wouldn’t give to go back to how it had been.

[00:09:29] The second was this overwhelming gratitude for our trip. We had learned and grown so much together. . That’s what happens when you spend every minute together for months on end. Sometimes in countries where truly the only people we could even communicate with was each other because we didn’t speak the language and they didn’t speak ours.

[00:09:51] So what about that truth moment? The one that I had been seeking and searching for and hoping for that I found on my travels when I finally knew what I was looking for. What had been. It happened at the very end of our trip. I mean, nothing like, you know, last minute. I was so scared it was never going to come, but it did.

[00:10:13] We were in Bali, our very last country in our very last week. I was taking a bath. There were no showers, and I was surrounded by these stunning emerald terraces of rice farmed by the happiest and yet poorest people I’d ever. I sat reflecting on all the little pieces of me that I had gathered, all the thoughts, the dreams, the ideas, and I asked myself one question if everything was taken away, if I were only to do one thing, what is the most crucial role that I must not fail at?

[00:10:49] It was instant. There was no hesitation. Mother. . This was huge. You see, I love business. In fact, I wrap my confidence and most of my identity into it if I’m being completely honest. And obviously I’m going for brutal honesty here. , each time that I had a client come back and share that they had reached unbelievable results because they followed my strategies, something whispered, this is the most important thing you do.

[00:11:17] And while there is so much goodness and fulfillment in what I get to do, profess. it isn’t and never will be the most important role, the most important thing that I do. I had lost sight of that. The thing is, I thoroughly love solving my client’s problems and opening up the possibility that they actually can produce the results they dream of.

[00:11:40] It lights me up like a Christmas tree, but I realized in that moment, in the middle of these rice fields in. that to be the best mother I can be, I could never lose sight of my most profound purpose. As soon as I held true to that, I found my joy again, even in the hardest year of my life. So that was quite a backstory,

[00:12:12] And if you’re still here, I am truly honored and I think it means I need to share the rest of the story with. and the rest of the story came in 2017. In the last six months of 2010, 17, I thought I was gonna sell my business. It was heart-wrenching. As I mentioned, my identity had been wrapped up in my business for nine years at that point.

[00:12:36] I remember one particular afternoon as I was preparing final documents and I happened to be at my house all alone, which happens so rare. I just fell into a puddle on the floor. I actually remember sliding down the wall and just sobbing, and the thought that just keep ringing through my head over and over was, I’m just going to be Leah again.

[00:13:04] To me, there was nothing special about her. I hadn’t even liked her. That. I was scared to no longer be Leah Remillet, which by the way is my middle name. So in the rest of the world, I am not Leah Remillet, just in the business world cuz that’s actually my middle name. But I was willing, I kept praying for strength and grace because I kept coming back over and over to that moment in Bali.

[00:13:30] And my word, motherhood, the day of signing. I was at my own figurative altar, ready to sacrifice my company, my dream profession, playing my dream role. I had been preparing myself for this for months, and as I came to that moment, I was at peace. And then just like that, it fell through. I went from handing my business over to getting to take back the reins.

[00:14:01] As always, God is in control and his plan is better than mine. He had not forgotten any of.

[00:14:09] As always, God is in control and his plan is better than mine. He has not forgotten any of us. Not you, not me. Not ever. I realized I was meant to be back here running my business, but with a new found outlook. I wasn’t finished. I’m not finished. Today, I am more excited than ever for the future of Leah Reela.

[00:14:35] I have been so insanely blessed to build multiple, incredibly successful business ventures, including that very first one, photography, coaching, online training, getting to speak. I have experienced the highs of reaching those incredible growth milestones, being recognized for my work, and getting to speak around the.

[00:14:57] And I have felt the lows of being entirely out of balance, losing my purpose, feeling discontent, and having to space what life throws at us throughout it all. So with all of that, who is the real me? I’m Leah. Just Leah. I’m a mom and a wife before anything else. I love and live my religion every single day, and I’m beyond grateful to be a convert.

[00:15:26] Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints since I was 20 years. . In fact, I volunteer, teach an early morning religion class. That’s kind of a fun fact. Most people don’t know. It’s for high school juniors and seniors, and it brings me so much joy. But it’s also, I will admit a great sacrifice.

[00:15:46] I won’t try to hide that. It is its own part-time job. Just minus pay . I am a small business owner of 14 years who lights up at the opportunity to teach creatives how to produce curiously simplified success. I started this whole journey as a photographer, but I hung up my camera professionally. A long time ago.

[00:16:10] I was much better at the business side. There have been highs and lows, and I’ve tried to learn from all of it so that I can help women like you have a little smoother experience. That’s why I teach women entrepreneurs how to not only survive, but to thrive, but in order to truly thrive, to feel like you’re living a life that lights you up, we must start by knowing our core purpose, who we are.

[00:16:39] Who we are meant to become and what our non-negotiables are. If you’ve ever found yourself down any of the roads I’ve described, unbalanced, disconnected, unfulfilled, discouraged, or you just needed to know that we’re all a work in progress, even the ones who look like they have it all figured out that I’m your girl, you and I, we have been knocked down, and it won’t be until the day that we made our maker that that will.

[00:17:09] But what I also know better than ever is that we must never stop getting back up. This is me and I’m in this with you. , I have three Cs for living your best life and they’re what I also follow first, clarify your purpose.

[00:17:31] Second, commit, and third. , open yourself to creative ways to make it happen. We as women are meant to be creative. We are meant to problem solve and looking at the seasons we’re in with creative outlooks of how can I do this? What could this look like? Doesn’t have to look like everybody else. Our journeys are personal and while I hope that there are parts of this that absolutely resonate with you and, and help you to know that you’re not alone, I understand that your journey is totally different, , and yet we are connected, and yet we. Still together beyond this journey of making an impact, following our dreams and doing it in this beautiful way that is curiously simple. That’s me. I hope that this episode has inspired you and helped you.

[00:18:33] If nothing else, to just know that you’re not. and that you have a friend that we’re in this together. Thank you for being a part of the Balancing Busy podcast. I’ll see you next week.

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