Leah: Hi, I am Leah Remillet and welcome to Balancing Busy Podcast. If this is your first time ever listening, I’m so happy you’re here. And if you’ve been here for a while, thank you so much for your support. This episode started as one thing and it is morphing into something completely different. So the idea started with thinking about hidden perks.

Leah: That I believe my kids and I’m sure other kids have experienced having a working mom. I’m at this stage of life where I am thinking back all the time about what I did right and what I did wrong. It’s what happens when you start launching kids out into the world and get closer and closer to that empty nest stage.

Leah: So we have three kids. Two of them have been launched out into the world. And then we have our last one, the caboose is still with us. We get to have him around for two [00:01:00] more years. And I’ve had a lot of conversations where people have asked me different things. They’ve asked if I feel that our kids are the way they are.

Leah: And I’m just going to say, I’m so proud of my kids. Like, I want the world to know that. They are incredible. They are amazing human beings. And I think I can take some credit for that, but definitely, definitely not all. And so I’m having these conversations. I’m having these thoughts all the time. What did we do right?

Leah: What did we do wrong? Where, where did this come from? Where they’re so stinking amazing. To the point where other people bring it up to us all the time. Um, and I hope that doesn’t sound like I’m, I’m bragging because I’m not, I just genuinely want to offer these thoughts because I was trying to figure this out and I constantly felt like I was floundering.

Leah: I mean, I just felt like so much of parenting felt like I [00:02:00] was guessing. There were a few things that I felt very, just sure of and, and grounded in, and, and and knew what, what I wanted to do, but for the most part, it was, it was a lot of guessing. And so this conversation with you is just parent to parent, friend to friend, me trying to just think through and share some of what I have seen for our kids, but also what I see out there and what research shows and says about how we raise confident.

Leah: capable and kind humans, because that’s really the goal. Okay. So as I shared, this episode started with this idea of like, are there benefits to having a working mom? Because that’s a struggle for a lot of us, right? We felt the entire time that maybe we’re gypping them. Maybe, maybe their experience is being [00:03:00] hurt because We’re working.

Leah: I definitely felt that. Now, I feel like I had a really, really great situation, like the best that you can if you are a working mom. And that is I own my own company, I have always worked from home, and I can set my own hours. Now, The negative of that is that I didn’t always set good hours. I didn’t always set good boundaries.

Leah: Certainly in their younger years, I really didn’t. And so even though the idea was to have all this freedom so that I could be all the things, I often felt like I was falling so short. And there are actually some hidden benefits that came from that. So let’s jump into that. The first one is And this, all kids need to learn this.

Leah: Actually, let me take a quick moment. And I just want to say, whether you’re listening to this as a working mom, a stay at home mom, like, whether you work outside the home, you work from home, but You know, still are working, 

Leah: or you work in the home. I want every single one of [00:04:00] us to take something from this, to feel like, okay, here are some very tangible things. What actionable things that I can do to create a better environment that is going to cultivate these confident, capable, kind, resilient, gritty kids , that I know every single one of us wants to raise.

Leah: Okay. There’s my caveat. Let’s get back in. So some of the hidden perks that I feel like I have seen in my kids from having a working mom is number one. Greater independence and self reliability. And the honest truth is, why does this happen? Because it has to. Because I can’t be there for every single thing.

Leah: So I had to be like, you can figure it out, go. And I think that actually ends up being a really, really big benefit. Now, here’s the beautiful part. Anyone can do that. You can be a stay at home mom, a working mom, any, any caregiver, and you can give them greater independence and, and self [00:05:00] reliability by just giving them the opportunity to figure things out for themselves.

Leah: And I will say it is so hard to do that as a parent. It feels counterintuitive almost because we want to smooth the path. We want to make things easier for them. We want to take away their hurts and their pains and their sadness. And yet I will scream this from every rooftop. When we do that, we rob them of their own confidence, of their own independence, of their own Resilience.

Leah: We have to let them do hard things and all kinds of hard things. That’s the thing. It can’t be one kind of hard thing. The more diverse the hard things that they experience are, then the more capable they become. So I feel like I have independent kids. And what’s interesting is, you know, they’re all different.

Leah: They all have their own personalities. Some are more independent than [00:06:00] others. And the fascinating thing is, the ones The, the one that was the least independent now, I feel like is one of the most independent. Um, I constantly stepped in for her because she’s just so sweet and, uh, she would get so nervous and I wanted to, to save her from all of that fear and anxiety.

Leah: And so I would step in and take care of things and, and I was robbing her uh, Having more independence, the more I stepped back and, and why I think this is a hidden perk for working moms is, is because we don’t really mean to, or maybe even want to, we just have no choice and yet it’s a really, really good thing when we step back, we remove ourselves and we let them figure out And I think that’s In their own way, how to solve, how to take care of something.

Leah: Right? Like, it just makes such a huge difference. And it doesn’t [00:07:00] have to be our way. That’s also really important. Like, we have to be okay and accept, like, they’re gonna do it their way. The same way when we were kids we did. I’ve had this conversation with friends so many times recently about how Our parents did not know everything about what we were doing, and yet we know everything about our kids.

Leah: They share everything with us, and, you know, that didn’t used to happen. Now part of it feels really good, we really enjoy it. But there’s this other part of us that’s saying, maybe this isn’t so good, because they’re not learning to rely on their, peer group. They’re not willing to rely on themselves as much.

Leah: They constantly are looking to us for validation, confirmation, or just straight solve the problem entirely. Okay, number two. Strong problem solving and decision making. Again, why is it a hidden perk? Because we didn’t really intentionally do this. At least I didn’t. It was that I was busy, that I had to be on calls, that I wasn’t teaching a training, or had a coaching client, or I, I, [00:08:00] for several years had this, um, light on the outside of my door, and the only reason I don’t have it now is because I’m down to one.

Leah: Um, when, after the fire, when everything got redone, it just didn’t get put back up. But I used to have this on the door and it was great, right? If it’s red, do not knock, do not open the door. Mom is either doing an interview or, you know, something really important. If it’s yellow, like, you can come in if you have to, but I’m trying to do something.

Leah: And if it’s green, walk on in. And You know, there were so many times where the honest truth is, the light is red, or they just knew you cannot come in right now, and they had to solve their own problems. And I felt so much guilt over this, so much guilt. And yet now I’m looking back and I’m like, Oh, thank goodness, because I would have stepped in probably and taken care of so many things for them, given them the answer.

Leah: You know, it’s like if the teacher every single time Gives them the test and then the second they hand them the test says, okay, let me, let me tell [00:09:00] you what they are. Number one is A, number two is C, number three is B. We’re robbing them of learning for themselves. And I think as parents, because we don’t want to see them hurt and we have this misguided idea that our job is to make sure life is fun or to make sure that they don’t ever feel uncomfortable.

Leah: We. They steal their privilege of getting stuck in hard and digging their own way out. And then that sense of accomplishment of like, I did that. Right? So this idea of like strong. Problem solving and decision making this again, this is beautiful because every one of us can adopt this by just saying, I don’t know, what do you think when they’re asking us what they should do, or when they’re trying to figure something out, giving them more time to solve it alone, walking away, if we’re too tempted to come in and solve, walking away completely, here’s the honest truth, my entire career, my [00:10:00] entire career has been around telling people what to do.

Leah: I mean, that’s if, if we’re getting right down to it, that’s what I do, right? Like people come with, to me with their business problems, they’re trying to figure out what they should do. And I step in and I solve it. I say, you know what? Through all my experiences, through all my other clients experiences, here’s exactly what’s worked.

Leah: Here’s the systems. Here’s the programs. Here’s the services. Here’s the tech stack. Here is everything to get the outcome that you’re wanting. I take that same attitude and I bring it to my kids all the time. I naturally love solving problems, but every time I step in and I solve it all for them, I’m robbing them.

Leah: So this hidden perk was really just because I wasn’t there to hover and know that it was happening. And I’m so, so grateful, but every one of us can learn this. Number three is more skill sets. So I have this whole theory, and I feel like I’m pretty right, that true confidence comes from [00:11:00] recognizing what we’re capable of.

Leah: True confidence isn’t what someone tells us. It’s not someone saying, you’re this, you’re that. That is very surface, and the second something hard happens, that crumbles to the ground. True confidence comes from recognizing Doing hard things and getting to the other side and realizing how capable we are.

Leah: And I think that that comes from our own personal experiences, right? I did a hard thing for myself, but it also comes from serving others because there is this sense of purpose and power when we lighten someone else’s burden. When we come in and, and help another, it helps us to see and recognize our capabilities.

Leah: So this idea of more skill sets. I think it’s one of those hidden perks that once again in my home came because I couldn’t be everything and do everything. I talk about this a lot where I’ll share that I, I used to think I wanted to do it all [00:12:00] and then I had this reality check of I can’t do it all, but I can be it all so and maybe honestly, you know, 16 years into running a business and having kids out of the house, maybe I’m even starting to realize, well, you probably actually can’t be it all.

Leah: Everything. But for me, that be it all meant I wanted to be a great mom. I wanted to be a great business owner. I wanted to be a great friend. I wanted to be a great wife. I wanted to be great in service and, um, be able to volunteer and, and really feel like I was, I was making my impact. That’s a lot of things.

Leah: Oh, and I also wanted to have a good home and feel like I was a, you know, a, a good home environment. Homemaker, right? But like so much of that. I couldn’t do it all. So I outsourced and a lot of that outsourcing was to my kids. Like, they got to be part of my outsource. Plan. And so, one of the things that they learned that I’m so [00:13:00] proud of is how to clean.

Leah: And I mean, clean. How to do laundry. How to cook. And I mean, really cook. How to do basic errands, especially as they got driver’s license, and I’m like, great, you can go do this for me. Go. All of those things. Have made them more confident. Make any of us more confident. You know, think about you when you first left home and went off.

Leah: And you know, I think about the greatest experience that I had was moving out of the state. So as long as I lived in the state, I grew up in Washington. It was like I could rely so much on those adults who knew so much more than me, and I didn’t want to mess up. So I went to them and I constantly asked if I was doing it right before I, before I took that step because I was so nervous.

Leah: And then we moved to Hawaii when we were really young, married, um, to do undergraduate. And so we were at BYU Hawaii. And all of a sudden I couldn’t call and ask for validation all the time, [00:14:00] mainly because there was a time difference, right? Like there were times where I’m like, Oh my gosh, it’s not okay to call.

Leah: It’s way too late for them or too early or whatever. And so because of that, I had to just start. Trusting myself, it made all the difference, all the difference. I was sharing this with a friend the other day where I was just reflecting on remembering how when I got there, oh my gosh, I was so scared. I was so, so terrified.

Leah: I had this new baby, uh, my husband, we’ve been married for three years. We’re, you know, here for him to, to finish school and. Um, I just feel like, how am I going to do this? How am I going to know what to do and to do it right? And by the end, when we left, uh, I became kind of the, the resident mom that people asked just because I, I was a little bit older, my, I like, they were just barely having babies and I was now had two babies.

Leah: And then when we, right, when we left three, right, like I’d had more experiences. And so they’d come to me and be like, [00:15:00] I’m seeing these symptoms. What does it mean? I’m trying to figure out how to cook this. How do I do it? I’m, you know, just these different things. I cannot tell you what that did to my self esteem.

Leah: Like, when I think of where my self esteem truly blossomed, because as a high schooler, as a teenager, I had very low self esteem. I did not feel confident about anything about myself. I felt like I had no talents, no skills. I wasn’t smart. I wasn’t capable. I mean, I just felt like I felt so stuck and trapped and powerless.

Leah: And I don’t feel like that anymore. I mean, clearly, right? Like I’m willing to have a podcast just to tell you my thoughts because I think you might be interested. And when I think about all this, I’m like, where did this start? It started in those moments. On a tiny little campus on [00:16:00] Oahu, where I had to figure it out for myself.

Leah: And so trying to let our kids have those experiences earlier, just so, so powerful.

Leah: So clearly these three hidden perks, greater independence and self reliability, stronger problem solving and decision making skills, and just more skill sets in general. They can all be undermined, or dare I say, like ruined, if we keep stepping in for our kids and doing the hard stuff for them, removing the difficult, the uncomfortable, right?

Leah: The only reason that these benefits happened in my kid’s case is because I didn’t have time to answer every single problem for them. And that’s why I want to have this conversation with you because no matter what our. our situation is, whether we have tons of time or not much time, if we are thinking about these ideas [00:17:00] intentionally, we can make all the difference.

Leah: Now, I also want to flip, and I want to just talk about the benefits of kids who have stay at home moms, because being a stay at home mom is incredible. I mean, that had been my original plan. The only reason that that’s not the path I took was because My husband went from undergrad to grad to building practices.

Leah: That is a lot of years of making no money. Okay. No money. And we were either going to be in the largest mountain of debt. ever, or I needed to be able to help us financially. So I stepped up and I said, okay, I’m, I’m going to try to start a business and bring in some income. And, and honestly, because I didn’t have a lot of confidence in the beginning, I didn’t have very big aspirations.

Leah: I, my very first goal was if I could bring in a thousand dollars a month, that just felt like that would be life changing. As I gained more confidence because I did more [00:18:00] hard things because I kept having to do exactly the things we’re talking about it. I gained more skill sets honestly because I couldn’t afford to outsource to anyone.

Leah: So I had to learn how to do everything right. Like I’m building my own websites, creating my own systems, um, coding, building out pricing models. I’m doing all of it myself because I cannot pay to hire anyone to figure these out. But the more that I did all of these things, The more I felt more independent and powerful, more self reliant, I became better at solving problems and, and just making decisions.

Leah: And my skillset just kept growing. It’s so crazy how all of these things connect. I mean, we can look in our own lives and see this and then realize, Oh my gosh, yeah, I don’t want to steal these opportunities from my kids. Okay. Anyways, going back to, to this idea of, um, What are the benefits for stay at home moms?

Leah: Right? Because there are huge benefits for kids of stay at home moms. But I think once again, we, no matter what our family dynamic is, [00:19:00] no matter what situation we are in, we can learn and emulate all of them and it’s all just about being intentional. Okay, so Uh, stay at home mom, kids of stay at home moms, here are some of the benefits.

Leah: One, more feeling of stability and consistency. Okay, I’m just going to like, spoiler alert right now, tell you what you are going to see as the theme throughout every single one of these benefits is consistency. Every single time. That’s beautiful to me because I’m like, okay, I can model consistency. We can create more consistency.

Leah: So, okay. This feeling of stability and consistency. I remember hearing once years ago, I think I read it in a book. I wish I could remember what one. I don’t even remember for sure that it was a book, but I feel pretty positive. It was. Be boring for your kids. That hit me so hard. I have never forgot it. And I read it when the kids were little littles.

Leah: I mean, they were, they were still [00:20:00] elementary. I don’t even know if all three of them were in elementary yet. And this idea of be boring for your kids. We are not helping our kids by being all over the place, by having tons of drama, by, uh, constantly being unstable, right? The more consistent or boring we can be for our kids, the better.

Leah: Now, I want to caveat and tell you that, like, life happens. Do you want to know how many times we’ve moved with our kids? 14. Actually, I think it’s more than that, but we all disagree on what constitutes us moving because sometimes it was like, it was an in between house and I don’t count it. Anyways, a lot of times our kids had never lived in a house for more than two years up until we moved into the one we’re in right now.

Leah: And we are on year five, but I have two that are already gone. Okay. So I think they were in here three and. Four years before, before they [00:21:00] launched. And I want to tell you that I even still, even despite that, like, do I wish we would have found our roots place sooner? Yes. But even despite that, I think we’ve done a pretty dang good, good job being consistent and boring for our kids, even with that much upheaval.

Leah: Because they’ve always known mom and dad love each other. They’ve always known the five of us are in this together. And so your version might look different, right? Like maybe you’re in the exact same home. But something happened in your marriage and, and it’s now just you. Or maybe you’re my situation, probably not because mine’s weird.

Leah: But, um, you’ve moved a billion times but there’s always been the consistency of, of, you know, that family unit. Or maybe you’re like, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, Leah, we’ve been in the same house and everything’s just consistent, normal, whatever it is, we can still create our version of consistent.

Leah: Um, having routines, having traditions, [00:22:00] consistent expectations, both of them, but also honestly of us as well, that creates that stability and that consistency. Okay, number two. Better emotional regulation. So I feel like this comes back to consistency, but what’s beautiful is we can create that as well.

Leah: That emotional regulation that they’re saying is, has a higher, higher rate, um, in a, in a stay at home mom situation. Again, I think we can create that by open conversations. Lots of consistency, all those things. Okay, another one, I thought this one was kind of fascinating, was improved physical health. So I was like, huh, okay, why?

Leah: And the idea is children of stay at home moms have better physical health outcomes due to more time for home cooked meals, outdoor play, and overall wellness and monitoring. Again, by being intentional. No matter our home situation, I believe that we can manifest this. Maybe it [00:23:00] is, you know, we have to be really intentional about batch cooking.

Leah: And on Sundays, you’re, you know, Saturday you do all the shopping, you have everything. Maybe you even prep, and then Sunday it’s cooking and batching. And you’re doing tons of freezer meals, and you’re, you’re just doing all kinds of things so that, Those home cooked meals happen. Um, we got all kinds of creative.

Leah: And, and I have an entire training that I made about this. About like, there’s a whole section in it about how we did family dinner. Because I do believe family dinner is so, so critical. Like that’s one of those things. Hallmarks of giving our kids that consistent, boring, good childhood, right? And so, you know, I did meal kits so that it came prepped and ready.

Leah: I, um, did batch cooking. I froze meals. I mean, I did, I, I assigned days to my kids where they were in charge of cooking the meal. I did all kinds of things to ensure that we had that dinner time together. Um, and then, [00:24:00] you know, sending them outside to play, I think a big part of that is just feeling confident that, like, we grew up being outside.

Leah: It was actually really good for us. And giving that to our kids is really, really important. The less they’re on screens, the more they’re in nature. It’s just so important. And then overall, you know, wellness moderate monitoring. I’m like, okay, well, I think, you know, we just check in with our kids. We check in with them.

Leah: We’re, we’re being intentional and, and we can all have that. Uh, another one was a closer parent child relationship. And, you know, I don’t know if, if for you, you feel like this, like, if you’re a working mom, like kind of like these, these. Got punches because you’re so afraid. What if I’m, what if I’m not giving them this?

Leah: I felt that over and over and over. And that’s why I hope that this episode doesn’t sound at all. Like I’m bragging yuck, but more sounds like I’m just trying to give hope of like, Hey, You know what? Like, I just want to tell you, I worked [00:25:00] from the time my kids were four, three, and four months old, or three, two, and four months old, and they turned out great.

Leah: I didn’t, I didn’t ruin them. And, you know, like, when we’re really intentional, I think we can do these things. And it doesn’t mean perfect, because, Oh my goodness, not even remotely perfect over here. Okay. I made so, so many mistakes, big mistakes, and yet it’s okay. Like the kids are okay. They’re better than okay.

Leah: So this, this parent child relationship, you know, when I read that, when I hear that and I see the statistics and think about like, Oh, they have this closer parent child relationship. I think we can create that by really, really strong quality time together. Being interested in their lives, in what they’re doing, and, uh, just open communication.

Leah: Right? And then the last one is lower incidence of behavioral problems. I remember when my kids were really young, really, this one, like, it rung in my head a lot because I’m like, I don’t want to raise [00:26:00] delinquents. Um, but again, like, as I read deeper into it, it ultimately comes down to, you know, Consistent presence of parents, um, and reinforcing discipline and emotional support.

Leah: And I think about So many families who come from first generation immigrant parents and they have to work. Both of them have to work and they work hard and they work long hours and you know what? I know a lot of incredible humans who were raised by immigrants. To very, very hardworking parents who had to be gone all the time, but they were, they, the other places they were consistent, they were present, they were involved, right?

Leah: So, and, and then it’s this juxtaposition, right? Because it’s this balance of like being there, being consistent, being involved, but not so involved that we robbed them of getting to solve their own problems, uh, learn how to do [00:27:00] things for themselves, make their own decisions, uh, have freedom, right? All those kind of things.

Leah: Okay, all of this to say, if we want to raise confident, capable, kind humans, here’s from the perspective of Leah, right? With no letters behind her name, not even a college degree, just a mom who fiercely wanted to do a good job, but who also needed to provide for her family and for many years was the sole provider, just.

Leah: Just an, a normal girl trying to do the best she could and, and often screwing it up. Here’s, here’s the eight things I would say. Number one, and I kind of put them in order of what I think is most important. Meaningful quality time with us. There’s this quote that I love. I’ve said it so many times before.

Leah: Love is really spelled T [00:28:00] I M, and I think if we can bring ourselves back to that over and over, right, like quality, boring, we don’t have to think about, well, how do I entertain them, how do I make sure it’s so much fun, just time together, whether it’s in the car and you just don’t allow, you know, music and things to be on so that you can talk, or it’s sitting down in the evening and playing a game, or everybody’s at the table with no electronics, just Meaningful quality time.

Leah: It’s probably the most important thing. Number two, consistency. What has the theme been through every single one of these things we’ve talked about? It’s often consistency. So just consistency. And, uh, I would say also like really positive role models is so powerful. And when that can be more than just us as the parents, that’s even better.

Leah: But this idea of consistency, just clear structure, clear boundaries, being a little boring in the [00:29:00] best way. It’s so powerful. Number three. Independence and freedom. This is something for the last few years that I have really been honing in on. I’ve been studying. I’ve been reading on. I just, I am seeing over and over and over how critical it is to give our kids independence and freedom to self problem solve, to have experiences, to do, you know, stupid things that kids and teenagers do, even letting them have all of that, that’s what creates resilience.

Leah: That’s what creates true confidence. And yet we live in this society where we’re made to feel like a bad parent. If we are not there doing all the things, if I’m not setting up the playdate or monitoring their play, stepping in and, and talking through how they, um, should speak to each other, helping them solve a conflict, but I’m robbing them of learning how to do that for themselves.

Leah: I have so many strong opinions on that. That could be a whole different episode. Not going to be for today, but. [00:30:00] Independence and freedom. is so critical. We have to let them do things all by themselves. All kinds of things, all kinds of things. Okay, number four, service. Service instills purpose and value. It allows us to get outside of ourself and not be so selfish to see others and, and have more gratitude for what we do have because we recognize like, wow, you know what?

Leah: I am really blessed. Service instills purpose. Is something that, you know, our, our schedules are so full, right? Like, there’s so many activities, there’s so many things to be at, that it’s, it’s easy to say, Oh my gosh, there’s no way they have time. They’d love to if they could. And us, the same thing. And yet, it is, It’s so critical.

Leah: I think it’s critical for our happiness. It’s critical for our, our confidence. It’s critical for us seeing our value and our purpose and, and how capable we are. And, and just so much, so much. So service, service, service, service. Okay. Oh, by the way, [00:31:00] if you were like, I don’t even know where to start. Um, I’m actually going to do a whole episode about this.

Leah: I’m literally making a note right now. I’m going to do an episode about this because I think it could be pretty short and sweet, but I would love to share how we. Brought service in for our kids as they were growing up. Okay. Anyways, we’ll pin that but just serve org I’m having a moment where I’m panicking that I’m wrong I’m not I know I’m not but I’m just gonna put it in right now and make sure okay Just serve org you literally put in your city’s Or zip code and it will give you things that are needed like volunteer experiences, volunteers that are needed in your area.

Leah: So that’s a really, really amazing resource. Okay. Number five, focus on growth and education. And I feel like I’m not trying to say it has to be higher education. You know, I think there’s all forms of education and learning, but just focusing on growth and education and lifelong learning, it comes down to helping them understand Growth mindset, like [00:32:00] you can become more, you can have experiences and do hard things and learn things that are going to help you to be even more capable, even more powerful versus a fixed mindset, which is like you’re stuck.

Leah: You’re, you know, what the lot you’ve been given is, is what you have. It’s never going to get better. And so when we focus on growth, we help them instill this idea of a growth mindset. Number six, open and honest communication. You know, just really talking with our kids about all the different things.

Leah: Obviously we make that age appropriate, but we have always been super, super open with our kids. And it’s been really fascinating as our two oldest who went off to college and, and you know, we’re in dorms with lots of roommates, how they started coming to our kids to ask questions because we’d had all these conversations and they hadn’t had those conversations with their parents.

Leah: And I’m going to be honest, you don’t really want. Your kids getting their information from other peers, from kids. It’s, it’s good to get information from us, or at least to be able to come to us and fact check when they get [00:33:00] information. So having open and honest communication where they feel really safe to be able to ask us.

Leah: It’s so funny, one of my kids, still, still to this day comes and says, I have a weird question. And I’m always like, you don’t have to premise with that. It’s not weird, just ask. But, you know, it makes, makes them feel more comfortable. And then they ask. Whatever. Whatever question they’re trying to understand and some of them, you know, I can see that would feel so, so embarrassing and awkward, but I don’t want it to feel that way.

Leah: Like, okay, let’s just openly talk about these things. Um, seven, empathy and social skills like we, they need. To learn social skills. This is, okay, let’s just be real. This is critical for the repopulation of our planet. And right now I think we can all agree we’re seeing a whole lot of teenagers who do not know how to talk to each other.

Leah: Like they’re all lonely in the same room because they don’t know how to go up and talk to each other. And, and invite each other to make plans and, and do things. Like think back to when you were in high school. Especially any of you who had to change [00:34:00] schools like I did, right? Like. Your survival was imperative that you could go talk to people or if they talk to you, you could talk back.

Leah: So these social skills are critical and it can, you know, start with simple things like making them make phone calls and go into the store and ask for help, ask where something is, um, making the invitation. You know, we arranged all these play dates for them, me included, because I felt like I was being a really great mom, right?

Leah: We would call up the other mom and we’d set everything up, or we’d text and set everything up. And that’s not how it happened when we were kids. I ran over to the neighbor’s house, I knocked on the door, I hoped dad didn’t open it, because he was scary, even though he wasn’t. And I’d, you know, get rejected.

Leah: Like, sometimes they’d be like, no, they can’t right now. And I’d be like, okay. And I’d go running off, right? Like, those experiences aren’t happening for our kids because we set everything up. And then, you know, We’re confused why they have no social skills, right? So social skills are critical for their success.

Leah: We got to help them to [00:35:00] have and learn those by, again, letting them do the hard things or maybe forcing them. Should I say that? Forcing them. Okay. And then the last one is diverse experiences. This can come in so many forms, trying new things, uh, just pushing ourselves, but also in fun ways, which I think of as novelty, but just, you know, Uh, a realm of diverse experiences is going on.

Leah: to help our kids. Okay. That is everything. This is getting long. So I am stopping right now. But if there’s any part of it that you’re like, I would love to hear you go deeper into this. Will you please share that with me? Just send me an email. Leah at Leah remillet. com. L E A H R E M I L L E. Um, if you are part of our newsletter list, then, you know, you got an email saying that this episode, so just click reply to that.

Leah: That’s perfect. But I would love to know if there’s an area of this that you’re like, I want you to go way deeper. Like, what does this actually look like? For us as parents, for kids, [00:36:00] um, reply, tell me. I would love to know and we can see about getting an episode together for you. Okay, this is Balancing Busy.

Leah: I am here to help you feel less frantic and more fulfilled and to help you have more bliss as we balance the busy together. Thank you so much for being part of this episode. If you loved it, please share it with a friend. Who you want to talk about it with, like you want to have a conversation together, back and forth and talk about these different things, what each of you liked, what you didn’t like even.

Leah: That’s okay. Share it with them. And let’s keep these conversations happening for the sake of our kids. I’ll see you next time.

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