Leah: [00:00:00] Overwhelm. Just saying the word probably makes your shoulders tense up a little bit. It does for me, doesn’t it? Here’s the thing. Being busy and being overwhelmed are not the same thing. Busy means your days are full. Overwhelm means your capacity is overflowing and not in the good way. Last week we talked about five signs that you are out of balance, and that’s where I want you to get is that when you notice that you’re getting out of balance, but sometimes we are way past out balance and we are deep into overwhelm and burnout, and that’s why I’m recording this episode.

It’s the point where even the smallest decisions feel like too much where the to-do list is. Endless, but your energy isn’t, and where the joy starts to leak out of the things that you used to love.

But overwhelm, it doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It’s usually part of a progression. It starts when we’re out of balance. [00:01:00] We ignore the small signs, the skipped self-care, the constant reactivity, the I’m fine when we’re not fine, and if we don’t course correct there, we slip into overwhelm. That’s when everything feels heavy and it feels hard.

I have been there. I know those feelings. I mean, I just saying it and thinking about it. I can feel it in my chest. I feel this tightening. And if we stay there too long, we eventually hit burnout where we’re not just tired, we’re disconnected, numb, maybe even resentful. And I’m sorry to say I’ve been there too.

I burned out hard. I mean hard and. The reality of that experience was so painful. it affected. Everything, and it started because I was outta balance. I was trying to be everything for everyone. I felt like I was supposed to be able to do it all, that there had to be a way I could figure it out, and I just kept giving up more things. Definitely the self-care I gave up, [00:02:00] sleep, I gave up anything fun that brought me joy.

I didn’t have time to exercise. I didn’t have time to go to lunch. I didn’t have time to eat. Breakfast or lunch. I mean, I literally would just eat Oreos that I kept hidden in a drawer in my office to sustain me, and I would pretend that everything was great, that I was doing amazing. I would say, oh, I’m so good.

I wasn’t even saying I’m fine. I was saying I’m so good, and I was not. There were so many cracks. It was unsustainable, and I did, I felt so overwhelmed, but I just kept thinking it will get better. I will figure this out. I can muscle through until I started getting to that place where I felt so resentful.

I was resentful at everything, the things that were actually my greatest blessings. I was resentful at this company. I. That took so much from me and that always left me [00:03:00] feeling like I wasn’t giving enough at home, and I was resentful at home because I was trying so hard. I mean, you couldn’t have found somebody trying harder, and yet it was not enough and it left me angry and hurt and embarrassed.

This is why noticing those early signs matter so much. If we recognize imbalance and address it early, we can prevent overwhelm from taking hold. And if we learn how to manage overwhelm, when it does show up and it will show up, then we can avoid falling into full blown burnout altogether. And let me say this clearly.

Overwhelm in itself is not always bad. Sometimes it’s just part of growth. I still to this day have moments where I’m like, Ooh, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. But I also know that it’s super temporary when something new is happening, whether you’re launching a business or a new course, or you’re starting a new job, or you’re launching a child out into the world, or you’re [00:04:00] trying a new system at home.

There are often temporary spikes in overwhelm. That’s completely normal. I mean, I’ve even felt that in something as simple as moving to a new area and trying to navigate a brand new grocery store. I remember this particular day, about seven years ago, we were just moved. We’re in this new area. I’m running late and I need to get a few things for dinner.

We’re hosting a dinner that night and I’m trying to run through the grocery store, and I’m so. Frustrated and flustered because in my old store I knew where everything was, but here I didn’t. And in that moment I felt totally overwhelmed. So yes, overwhelm is here. It’s real. It’s part of our life, and that might be on a semi-regular basis, but it shouldn’t be.

Our identity. The point is this, overwhelm should be temporary, not a lifestyle. It’s a signal, it’s a clue to slow down, to simplify, to adjust. It is not a permanent state of being. [00:05:00] And I’m so passionate about this because for several years I was living in a permanent state of overwhelm.

So today I wanna help you identify it because once you know what overwhelm looks like and feels like in your life, you can stop it in its tracks before it leads to burnout. So let’s get into five signs that you can look for that can help you recognize when you are overwhelmed or when someone you loved is overwhelmed.

Because I think this really applies to our kids. You know, we have overachieving kids who can get deep into overwhelm. Our spouse, our best friend, our sister, our mom, our, our people that we love. These are five signs that can help you recognize first and foremost when you are in overwhelm, but also when the people that you love are in overwhelm.

And I have absolutely used these to recognize when my kids, especially in their teenage years, when they were getting into overwhelm number one. Decision [00:06:00] fatigue is your daily uniform. Even the simplest choices. What’s for dinner, which email to reply to first, whether to say yes to that invite. They all feel exhausting if you see your kids getting flustered and bogged down with like, I just don’t know.

I don’t know. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s not that they don’t care. It’s that. Your brain is running on empty. You are in deep decision fatigue, so decisions that should be pretty simple have become very hard. Now, if you add not getting enough sleep with decision fatigue, it is. A dumpster fire disaster.

Okay? There is the worst combination is already being in a state of life is overwhelming and not getting enough sleep. And we see this with our teenagers a lot. They’re staying up really late, trying to finish homework, wanting to get to do the fun friend things. They’re not getting enough sleep, and then they’re trying to get into their school day, into all the other things.[00:07:00] 

We see it with us too, right? You start thinking, you know how I get more done? I stay up later, I get the kids to bed, and then I’m gonna get the house clean, and then I’m gonna get those tasks done. That’s what I did. That’s exactly what I did. I started thinking, oh, look at this. I’m gaming the system. Look at me.

I will get the kids to bed and then I’ll go get all that work that I have been feeling guilty about all day. I’ll get it done. And it started with me thinking, I’m just gonna work on it for a couple hours and then. It was, I’m gonna be done at 10 and then I’m gonna be done at 11, and then I’m gonna be done at midnight.

And then, oh my gosh, how is it already 1:00 AM? How is it already 2:00 AM to where I was often working multiple nights in a row where I would put the kids to bed and work till about five in the morning, and then I would drag myself up at 7:00 AM when the kids woke up and have to go through again. How in the world was I going to be able to make any decisions with [00:08:00] any kind of skill with that kind of exhaustion playing at me?

No. I know I am the extreme, like if you’re gonna do it wrong, I did it really wrong. But you can see this absolutely. How this would play out with our kids, how it plays out with us if we are mixing both feeling overwhelmed. In general because there’s a lot going on with not enough sleep. Dumpster fire, just dumpster fire number two, you are waking up tired if rest doesn’t feel like it’s restoring you anymore. So your body might be still, but your mind never stops racing. You open your eyes, you already feel behind. That is absolutely a sign of overwhelm. Now, I wanna say that I think there are two things that we really need to factor in.

What are you thinking about right before you go to bed? You if your kids, if you are going to bed, trying to rush through those last things and then throw yourself into bed. There were times where I, I [00:09:00] will totally admit, I’m looking at the clock and I’m like, how many hours of sleep do I get? Oh my gosh, I only get seven.

Oh, shoot. Go to bed. Go to bed, and I’m literally getting stressed trying to go to sleep, or I’m going through my to-do list for the next day while I’m going to bed. That is going to leave you with the last thing you’re thinking about and it’s gonna bring through your brain all night is things that you’re worrying about that is not going to be restorative, restful sleep.

So. There is a combination here where you can ask yourself, what am I thinking about when I’m going to bed? Same thing with your kids. This is one of the reasons why we had our kids all through growing up. We would have them visualize really wonderful things as they were going to sleep. I did an episode, a few, a few back.

You can find it on the website. Just go in and search. Vision, vision board, or, um. A vision practice, and this is something we did with our kids while they were about from when they were eight all the way up. They actually all still do [00:10:00] it to this day, which is so fun now that they’re 21, 20 and and almost 18.

And it’s just this amazing way to be able to slow your brain down, think of really happy things that are gonna bring you into sleep, but when everything is just chaos, chaos, chaos, and you’ve been feeling. Like, there’s just so much, and you start realizing that even when you wake up, you already feel behind.

You don’t feel restored. You feel begrudging about getting outta bed, like you’re, you need to get outta bed. And it just feels like, oh my gosh, it’s just gonna be too much. That is an absolute sign of overwhelm. Number three, procrastination sneaks in. You are not lazy. You are depleted. The task that you normally tackle without a second thought, when they start feeling impossible to start, when you start putting them off, even ones that maybe you enjoyed and then you’re beating yourself up over it, Kate.

Procrastination is sneaking in. If you are like, this is not normally [00:11:00] me, I don’t normally do this, then that is a huge sign that you are in overwhelm. You need to look at your schedule. You need to look at your calendar. How much is in there? Is it too much? I’m gonna say that the answer is probably yes, because if you normally are on the ball and all of a sudden you’re like.

I am putting things off like crazy. I just don’t feel like it. I just don’t want to, I just feel tired. Ding, ding, ding. We’ve got a red flag for overwhelm. So look at if procrastination is sneaking in number four. Everything just feels so dang urgent. The laundry, the emails, the launch, it all screams for your attention at the same volume, at the same time.

Probably you’ve been outta balance. You’ve been too busy, so things are getting put off. The procrastination thing is happening, right? You haven’t gotten to the laundry, you haven’t gotten to the grocery store, you haven’t cleared your inbox, so now everything is feeling so urgent. Your nervous system is staying stuck in go mode, [00:12:00] and there’s no mental space left to decide what truly matters.

You’re basically in that fight or flight mode and. You’re not getting out of it. Your cortisol is spiked and you’re stuck there because you’ve been feeling overwhelmed. So when everything is feeling urgent, when you’re starting to realize you’re having a hard time differentiating between what really matters and what’s just on the to-do list, there’s a problem.

There is a very big difference between urgent and important. And urgent and unimportant. They’re not the same thing.

This really actually takes us into the Eisenhower Matrix. I have an entire episode on this, as it was one of my favorite productivity strategies, but in the Eisenhower Matrix, we learned that there’s really four quadrants. There’s urgent. Important. That’s our top priorities. There’s not urgent but important.

There’s urgent and not important, and there’s not urgent and not important. Now, when [00:13:00] we are getting into overwhelmed territory, we start getting stuck. Being able to decipher between what is urgent and important and what is urgent and not important.

And the reason this is so critical is that the urgent and not important needs to be cleared out. You don’t have time for that right now, but when we’re feeling overwhelmed, we start. Not being able to see the difference. Now, if you wanna know more about the Eisenhower Matrix and you do trust me, if that is new to you, you need to listen to this episode.

Go to nine three balancing busy podcast.com, and or scroll down in the platform you’re in and listen to episode 93. It’s a really short episode, just specifically explaining the Eisenhower Matrix. Eisenhower, matrix 1 0 1, how to use it and how it can stop overwhelm. So I do wanna make that plug because that will help you.

And that brings us to red flag number five. When it comes to signs that you are overwhelmed, you fantasize about quitting,

whether it is your business, motherhood, [00:14:00] or just running away to a beach with no wifi escape feels more tempting than problem solving. It’s not that you actually want to give up. I need you to hear that. It’s not that you actually wanna give up, you just want relief. You are so tired. You are so tired. And it is just too much.

We absolutely need to learn when we need to stop running. We need to learn when it’s time to walk, and we need to learn when it is time to just plain sit down, sister. So if you are fantasizing about quitting. You are overwhelmed, okay? Like there it is. You’re overwhelmed. You need to get ahold of this. You need to give yourself some white space.

You need to clear out space so that you can get back to the way that I know you want to feel that you are meant to feel. So when we start feeling like, oh my gosh, I just wanna run away. I just wanna [00:15:00] run away. Escape feels so much more tempting than problem solving because I don’t even know where to start.

You are overwhelmed, my sweet sister, and I promise you, you can find relief. So where do you find that relief? You start getting very, very clear about what matters most and you start cutting things out. You start saying, Nope, I am not going to do that. Nope, I can’t make it. Nope. I said yes to prematurely. I am going to have to back out.

Give yourself that gift because what comes after overwhelm, and if you’re getting into that, that territory of you’re fantasizing about quitting, .

You are one stop away from landing in burnout. Here’s what I want you to know. Overwhelm does not mean you’re weak. In fact, you’re probably a pretty freaking strong woman. You can take a lot, you can do a lot. That’s why people come to you. That’s why they ask you. They know you can do it. You are [00:16:00] capable. You are competent, and people know it, and they like coming and asking you for help. You say yes, you take on the jobs, the tasks, you don’t ask for help, which I’m gonna say is a problem. We’re gonna need to fix that. But what I want you to know is that. This is not a sign of weakness at all.

I wish someone would’ve told me that. I kept thinking they all must know a secret that I don’t. They all must have something figured out that I don’t, ’cause they seem to have it together. And why do I feel like I am drowning over here? I was not weak and neither are you. It means that we have been trying to carry more than any human should have to, and that deserves compassion, not criticism.

It is also a signal that is worth listening to because if out of balance is the yellow light, overwhelm is the flashing red one. And if we stay at that red light too long, we cross over into burnout where motivation dries up, creativity [00:17:00] will completely disappear. And even things we once love to start to feel like burdens.

And if you go too far, you may just find yourself exactly where I did. , You will go into burnout. And burnout will force you to slow down. You no longer are given the option. You will be forced, and that’s exactly what happened to me. I’m at the zoo my one day a week where I take the kids to do something fun and actually feel like a good mom for just a few hours.

Were at the alligator exhibit. My oldest, who at the time was four, her favorite exhibit, and I have her. Holding the double stroller with the 2-year-old and the infant in the stroller and everything starts closing in on me. It’s all going black. I’m losing my vision, I’m losing my hearing. I know I am about to black out, and all I’m thinking is this is gonna be so inconvenient.

Oh my gosh, I’m [00:18:00] gonna be in the way. I mean, I still am not getting the hint that I deserve to take care of my body and I wake up on a stretcher. And I’m getting ready to be put into the ambulance, and I am locked eyes with my little 4-year-old whose eyes are saucers. They’re so big. She is so terrified as her mommy is being taken away because I ignored the science of.

Imbalance. I ignored the science of overwhelm and I went right through into full blown burnout, and I was trying to just keep going because I thought I had to do it all and I was wrong. And if that’s where you are, if you’re in a place where you think, but I have to do it all, sister, I need you to hear me.

You’re wrong. You don’t have to do it all. You don’t have to do it all. You can get help. You deserve help. That’s gonna look different for every single one of us. [00:19:00] For me, it was a combination of all kinds of things. It was outsourcing. It was admitting when I needed to say no. It was pulling back on a lot of the things that I had signed myself up for voluntarily.

The signals are worth listening to. And here’s the most common way I see overwhelm showing up. We try to do all of it all by ourselves. We don’t ask for help. We don’t accept help, and we definitely don’t invite help because somewhere along the way we started believing that needing support was the same as not being capable, but it’s not.

Asking for help is not a weakness. It is wisdom, and we want to instill this wisdom into our daughters, and we need to model it if they’re going to understand it. If you don’t want your daughter to have to live like this, then you need to show her a better way. It is one of the most powerful ways we can protect your energy, your peace, and your joy.

So here is the good [00:20:00] news. You can stop the spiral and it starts not with some massive life overhaul, but with a single honest check-in. Just ask yourself, where am I saying yes when I should be saying no? Where am I overcomplicating things that could be simplified, and where could I let someone in to help lighten this load?

This week, I just want you to notice where overwhelm is showing up in your life, and then take one small step to give yourself space. Maybe it’s just gonna be delegating a task. Maybe it’s canceling something that does not align with your priorities.

Maybe it’s just sitting still long enough to take some real deep breaths, because when you can name overwhelm and address it. Early, and when you stop trying to carry the weight of the world alone, you don’t just prevent burnout. You build a life that feels sustainable, meaningful, and truly yours, and you are [00:21:00] setting the example for other women

Because we all deserve to live in balance and we need to show each other what it looks like. 

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