How to Eliminate Mom Guilt and Be More Present as an Entrepreneur (Episode 15) - leahremillet.com

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How to Eliminate Mom Guilt and Be More Present as an Entrepreneur (Episode 15)

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This will help:

👉 Eliminate any feelings of mom guilt
👉 Anyone who wants to plan better and live with more intention
👉 Those that want to have the best day TODAY!

In this episode: 

1:47 What Does Being Intentional Mean
5:22 You Were Born With All The Points
9:56 A Typical Day For Shunta and Me
19:45 Balancing Being an Entrepreneur and a Mom
28:45 Identifying and Combating Distractions

WHAT DOES BEING INTENTIONAL MEAN

Shunta has always been an intentional person. After pursuing a career in law she found, in 2014 after having her daughter, that her reality was no longer matching up with a vision she had created in her head. She knew she was no longer aligned with what she wanted and who she was and that a change was needed. Her definition of being intentional is being clear on who you are, what you want, while honoring the season of life that you’re in.

YOU WERE BORN WITH ALL THE POINTS

When Shunta decided to value herself and step into living with more intention, she stepped away from her career. In that moment she showed how much she valued herself. I asked Shunta what she would say to someone who is struggling to believe in her own value and what she said had me nodding my head so hard.

“You are born with all the points. Let me just be clear. I’m worthy because I was born with it, not because of a degree that I hold or a job that I worked or a zip code that I live in because I was born there.

When I was born, I had all the points. I know this world will make you think you get more points when you are married, when you graduate, when you get this job title, when you get this car or house or live in this area. Those aren’t things that give you points.

Those are maybe a part of your story. But that’s not where your value comes from. Your value comes from you. You are born with every single thing. You’re worthy as you are. You have to be able to see that and own that. And sometimes, you have to believe it before you believe it.”

Gosh, I just love that. You were born with all the points! You are capable of going after and achieving anything you want to. It’s not about doing it perfectly. In fact, falling down and getting back up is part of the process. I tell my kids all the time that they have a 100% track record that things work out, because each day you show up and keep trying, it’s working out.

A TYPICAL DAY FOR SHUNTA AND ME

I love hearing about other people’s days. I love just getting into the nitty gritty and finding out what does it actually look like for other moms and entrepreneurs. And wow… this woman is doing a lot! I was not expecting her to throw going to school in there on top of everything else she is doing with running a business, raising her kids, and prioritizing time for herself.

A typical day for her looks like this: wake up, quiet time to herself, and movement. Days like today her movement of choice was Pilates. Then she gets her children to school, works, picks them up, and does some type of after school activity together, or if she has class, they’re doing something else. She does the bedtime routine and then ends the night with quiet again.

I love that movement and quiet time are part of her day. I make that part of mine every day too. I switch up my workouts every 12-ish weeks so I don’t get bored.

Typically for me, I do not work on Mondays. I actually call Mondays Ugly Monday, because it’s my get-it-done day. I really don’t do any “need to do” things on weekends, so Monday I’m getting back in and getting all the things done. It’s the day where I don’t want anyone to knock on my door or show up unexpectedly. Don’t surprise me. This is not the day to see humans. I just wanna get things done.

BALANCING BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR AND A MOM

There’s no way around it. It is hard to do both. It is a beast trying to be present and intentional and being that mom that you dream of being, all while trying to build, scale, grow, improve your company, which is also a big part of who we are. So how do you keep the balance? How do you manage both? What does it look like when you’re doing great?

The answer that both Shunta and I came up with is that it comes down to being present. We could probably eliminate so many problems that people are feeling if they would just listen to this one thing: Be present.

When you’re there, just be there. Stop trying to be in two places at once. It doesn’t work. 2% of the population can multitask. Guess what? You are probably not part of that group, so stop trying. If you are with the kids, if you are with the family, be all in. That means switch your phone to focus mode. Go put it in a drawer. Be there. And if you are working, be working. I truly believe it comes down to committing to be present where you are. That would take care of so much of the angst that people feel.

IDENTIFYING AND COMBATING DISTRACTIONS

We can get into bad habits of distraction and we live in a time where the goal of social media platforms is to get your attention. They want to grab you and suck you in. They are working incredibly hard, investing insane amounts of money to vie for our attention and hold onto it as long as they possibly can. The longer they hold us, the more money they make.

One way we can choose better and create new habits is to go back to being intentional.

Being intentional is being clear on who you are and what you want, while honoring the season of life you’re in. That is going to become your boundary. Anything that’s outside of it is a distraction. When you get clear on these things, you will see more clearly the things that are not in that bubble, and be able to eliminate those distractions.

Now usually when we talk about distractions we are pretty quick to identify the obvious offenders. Things like our phone, tv, social media are huge distractions, but there are so many other forms of distractions. One that people often don’t recognize is the thing that you don’t have a good system for, and therefore it is taking up way too much space.

For example, if someone frequently does not have a plan for dinner and they get done working and they think, “Darn it, I don’t know what to do for dinner.” That is a distraction that is showing up way more often than they’re recognizing. So sit down one time and brain dump solutions to these other sneaking distractions. What are the options for making a plan? Could I make a system that would help this? Look at the things that are taking up a lot of space in your brain that keep coming back and bothering you. Putting a simple system in place (you know how I love systems) can alleviate so many sneaky distractions.

I could talk with Shunta all day and geek out on all things productivity, intention, planning, and systems. I hope you enjoyed this episode, and if you did, I invite you to take the time to share it with someone else. Whether you text this link to a friend, post a pic on instagram, or just use old fashioned word of mouth, I would love it if you shared.

LINKS YOU’LL LOVE:

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READ THE TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Leah: Welcome to the Balancing Busy Podcast. This is episode 16. Today I am interviewing Shanta Grant, and I have been so excited for this specific interview because I’d never met Shunta. I couldn’t wait to meet her, and it’s not every day that you get to talk to someone who geeks out about the exact same thing that you geek out.

[00:00:26] So Shunta is also someone who loves talking about. Organization being more productive, increasing your intentionality, being more purpose driven, living every single day, as she would say, as your best day. So this interview we get into and talk about all of these things, and I have to tell you, I was not expecting to see how much she is juggling.

[00:00:53] We all have seasons and she is in a season where she is juggling a ton and yet, Still doing it, being intentional and purpose driven. It is so beautiful. There is so much to learn from her. So let’s jump in and, and start getting the goodness.

[00:01:09] Okay. We have Shunta Grant here with me. I am so excited. Thank you for

[00:01:14] being here. Thank you so much for asking.

[00:01:18] Shunta: Oh, my honor, I am thrilled. I, I know we talked about this in, in pre, but there are not many people who geek out over like productivity and being intentional and systems and organization and just being present.

[00:01:34] Leah: I don’t get to talk to many people who love this as much as I do, so I, I am the thrilled, thrilled. Um, okay. So I really wanna jump in and just hear your story. Will you share with us and, and tell me how did intentional li living really become, become your calling?

[00:01:53] Shunta: Whew. Um, I would, that’s, that’s a great question.

[00:01:56] Um, I’ll say, um, I started my career off as an attorney in business lit in business litigation, um, over, gosh, a long time ago, 2008, whenever that was. Um, and. So a little thing about me is I have been very intentional my entire life and I think about it. I knew that I wanted to go to law school. I every single thing I wanted to accomplish and achieve in law school, I did that.

[00:02:20] I knew I wanted to clerk for a judge. I did that. I knew I wanted to then go to a firm. I did that. And then we hit a point where I had my daughter in 2014 and. What I wanted started to feel differently. Um, it didn’t match up with how I want to feel. Reality didn’t feel like the vision I had in my head.

[00:02:41] And I think one of the first places where I got to exercise intention and a place of discomfort because, you know, up until that point in my life, I’d been a student then be an employee. Um, but adding on another layer of being responsible for another person really made me think. intentionality a lot more.

[00:03:00] And so I made the decision to leave the practice of law because it was no longer aligned with what I wanted, who I wanted to be, and that it wasn’t just about being in a firm, but just the whole practice in general. And so I left in 2015 and have been doing my own thing ever since. Actually, this month will be seven years, which after this month, I will have been a non-lawyer, long or non practicing lawyer than an actual like acting lawyer.

[00:03:25] So for me, I think it’s just being. My whole life knowing what I wanted, but maybe later in life, understanding how that aligned with who I am and what season of life I am, and which is how I define intentionality. I define being intentional, as being clear on who you are, what you want, while honoring the season of life that you’re in.

[00:03:44] And that’s what I teach. I

[00:03:47] Leah: love that. So what were the days looking like? Like as you came to that moment where you’re like, this, this doesn’t align. What were your big red flags mm-hmm. that you were seeing that helped you to recognize

[00:03:58] that? Oh, there was one in particular incident that, um, Me as a human was just completely and utterly ignored.

[00:04:05] Um, we were traveling for a family trip. We had a big work thing coming up and because I knew that I was gonna be traveling for my niece’s graduation out of state with my family, I got everything in early and said, Please remember, please remember I am gone this weekend. I ended up missing, uh, my coworker’s wedding cuz we plan to leave after her wedding.

[00:04:24] Shunta: Um, because I was working because it was disregarded. Oh, last minute, Friday night, sending things to. Knowing at that point, I’m no longer pretend I’m not even here, so I missed her wedding. Then while traveling, I’m under a blanket trying to take calls in the morning at my, my sister-in-law’s house. I’m up in the quiet taking calls and I remember that drive back from Orlando looking at my husband and saying, I can’t do this anymore.

[00:04:48] I’m leaving and I don’t care if I have a job lined up or not, but I refuse to live this way. Um, that was really the straw that broke the camels back for me. Um, and understanding that I wasn’t valued as a human. I wasn’t seen as a human, and no one was listening to me. And one of all, I’m too smart. I’m too important to be treated that way, and there’s no job on the planet or person for that.

[00:05:12] Who has permission to do that. And so I decided I was gonna leave. That was, I guess, the summer, cuz that was after graduation and I left in September of that year.

[00:05:22] Leah: Mm. That is so good. Okay, so Shante, I feel like someone might look at you and go, Oh, okay, well you’re too smart, you’re too important cuz you are a lawyer.

[00:05:30] Like, girl, you’re smart. You’re like, you’re right. So what do you say maybe to the mama who is, isn’t feeling that she isn’t believing her value, her worthiness.

[00:05:41] Shunta: Yeah, you were born with it. Let me just be clear. Um, I’m worthy because I was born with it, not because of a degree that I hold or a job that I worked or a zip code that I live in because I was born.

[00:05:51] When I was born, I had all the points. This is what I always tell people. You were born with all the points. I know this world will make you think you get more points when you are married, when you graduate, when you get this job title, when you get this car or house or live in this area. Those aren’t things that give you points.

[00:06:07] Those are maybe a part of your story. But that’s not where your value comes from. Your value comes from you. You’re, you’re human. You are here, You are born with every single thing. You’re worthy as you are. And so you’re just as smart and important, but you have to be able to, to see that and own that. And sometimes, I always tell people, you have to believe it before you believe it.

[00:06:28] You know, when I left, I did not know fully what that was going to look like, but I knew that I was willing to bet on myself because if there’s anything in this whole wide world, I can bet. every time it’s gonna be me. And you have to have that resolve. And I understand that. I was born with some of that, and some people have to learn it, but it’s possible.

[00:06:47] I always tell, I say this at the end of my podcast, You have everything you need to have everything you want. You just have to be willing to tap into it. And where people stop or in conversations like that with themselves saying, But I’m not the only person saying that right now is you. And if you keep telling yourself this story, you’re going to believe it.

[00:07:04] So maybe change your words, change your environment, change your. change something if you want to change something.

[00:07:12] Leah: Yes. One of the things that I’ve found, I bet you’ve heard this a lot too, is these women who, well, anyone who constantly say, Who am I to, Who am I to mm-hmm. go after their dream to, to do the next thing.

[00:07:24] Mm-hmm. . And I just, I, I wanna like do that like kinda loving, shake them and be like, Who are you not to what? Mm-hmm. on earth. What makes you think you have to wait? Someone else to give you permission. You are the only person you need permission from. And I agree. I, and I felt that that throughout my life too, like I.

[00:07:47] I believe I’m a great bet. I believe I am a great investment. Like I know how hard I’ll work. I know my resolve. I know that no matter how many times I fall down, I will get back up. Yeah. And I’m okay with the falling down. I know that’s part of the process. Mm-hmm. . But I will get back up and my story is a little bit different where I, I mean, it, it sounds.

[00:08:10] You did very good in school. Okay. Let’s just be honest. You were obviously top of your class and doing, doing pretty dang good if you were going into law school. I’m dyslexic. I have adhd and I was told my whole life that I wasn’t smart, that I, I wasn’t good enough to go to college, that I, I better find somebody rich cuz I have expensive taste.

[00:08:30] No one ever imagined or believed. I know. I know, I know. And no one ever said to me like, You can do this yourself. And so I had to like dig in and find that and just, you know, we’re each gonna have our motivation and let’s be honest, probably my 20 something motivation was like, I’m gonna prove you wrong.

[00:08:51] And eventually I grew from that. I grew, I grew out of that. But we all have to find that thing that’s gonna drive us and push us and maybe. Maybe someone’s looking at their life and they’re like, There isn’t proof that I can do this. And, and they’re, they’re fearful of that. I had no proof that I could do the things that I wanted to do except for this just belief.

[00:09:14] This maybe not even well founded belief that like, but you know what? I’m going to and, and I’m okay falling down and getting up and falling down and getting up. I think that’s part of the process.

[00:09:25] Mm-hmm. . Absolutely.

[00:09:28] I try to say this to, to my kids all the time.

[00:09:30] I’m like, You have a 100% track record that things work out so far. You’re still here. You showed up again a hundred percent of the time. Like even if it didn’t. Work out the way you thought it would, It’s still working out. You have a hundred percent track record of like, it’s gonna be okay. So just keep showing up, keep trying.

[00:09:51] It’s, mm-hmm. it, it’s, it’s coming. Um, okay, so, so what does a typical day look like for you? Um,

[00:10:01] Shunta: I can tell you today, my days are not typical well, in a sense. So I’ll give you high level and then granular. Granular. Like today, for instance, um, it’s Monday. On Mondays I go to Pilate, so I drop my children off to school this morning.

[00:10:15] Um, And went to Pilates class, came back to my office and I’ve been doing some work. Uh, I usually don’t work on Mondays actually, but I am in a season now through next May where I am in a business program. So I have school four days a week, and. That’s a lot on top of homework. That’s just like when we’re actively on calls in class.

[00:10:36] So because of that Monday and Fridays, I now have opened for school work. Um, so I did some of that. Talked to my team. I just came back from traveling last week, so we were just going over my receipts and filling out things for reimbursements. Um, tonight I have class at four. Um, I also have a call, another business call tonight at seven forty five.

[00:10:57] Um, so I will pick my children up, I should say that. So I pick my children up from school around two 30 we go home. So today is school day. So I have a box that I have gotten from them that is like school day toys, which means when I am in class, that’s the only time they get to play with these things cuz it makes it special and it keeps them.

[00:11:14] Active while I am in class without screens. And so we will go, we will do that. They will have an afterschool snack, and then I will be in class from four to six. Then we’ll have dinner, get them ready for bed. We’ll have kind of end of nighttime and usually, I’d never hardly ever have a class a call this late.

[00:11:29] But I have a call tonight at seven forty five, uh, with a. Business advisor. And so that’s my day. But the, basically the typical day, if we’re gonna say typical now, it’ll go high level is movement. Wake up, quiet, time to myself, movement. Um, so today that looked. Exactly my movement was Pilates. Um, it looks like getting my children to school, working, picking them up some type of after school activity for us together.

[00:11:53] Or if I have class, they’re doing something, I do that bedtime. Um, and then I end my night and quiet again. So, um, with my best today guide. So that’s my usual day, um, Monday through Friday anyway. . Oh,

[00:12:06] Leah: okay. So , you are doing a lot like mm-hmm. . I did not expect you to be like, And I’m throwing school in there too.

[00:12:14] Yeah. I mean, that is a huge amount. Um, and I, and I love hearing other people’s days. I love just getting to like, get into the nitty gritty and be like, Okay, but what does it actually look like for you? Mm-hmm. , and I love that. That movement, that quiet time are are part of your day. Those are part of mine every day too.

[00:12:34] It’s, um, you know, my morning starts with, with my quiet time moves into movement and I shifted about every 12 weeks so I don’t get too bored and mm-hmm. . And keep going. And then my days change. Typically for me, I also do not work on Mondays Normally. I actually call Mondays ugly Monday, um mm-hmm. because it’s like, it’s my get it done like the weekend has happened.

[00:12:57] I really don’t do any kind of things that. Know are the need to do things on weekends a lot of times. And so Monday I’m getting back in and getting all the things done. It’s the day where I don’t want anyone to knock on my door, show up, don’t surprise me. I, this is not the day to see humans. I just wanna get things done.

[00:13:14] And then, um, Fridays are usually a partial or a no workday as well. So I love that, that we line up now. Mm-hmm. , what do you say to, to the person who. I would love to exercise. I know I should. I know it would help me, but I can’t figure out how to fit one more thing into my calendar.

[00:13:35] Shunta: Yeah, Someone just asked me yesterday actually, how, you know, saying that, how do I make planning not feel like another thing to do?

[00:13:42] And that sounds similar. Like if you’re thinking, how do I make exercise not another thing to do for me, It’s, that’s almost like if you, I were to ask you like, how do, I don’t have time to breathe. I don’t have time to love, I don’t have time. You know, it’s like, that is how e. Movement is, you don’t have to do the movement that I do.

[00:13:59] You don’t have to get on a Peloton bike, you don’t have to go to Pilates. You can go for a walk, you can stretch, you can do whatever it is that you enjoy. You can row literally, there are so many different ways to move our bodies. Um, that for me is one, I wanna be healthy. I want to be able to run around.

[00:14:18] And really just, I was thinking about this last week. I was in San Francisco, and if you’ve ever been in San Francisco, the hills. Are atrocious. They’re like, just straight up. You might as well just be walking straight up. And as I was actually just walking and just picking up, thinking on the plane, picking up my suitcase, which is always gonna be heavy, these things, I was literally thinking to myself, I am so grateful.

[00:14:39] My body can do the things I need to function. I can pick up a heavy suitcase and put it overhead. I can pick up this bag and get it back. I can walk a mile and a. Uphill in San Francisco. Like that’s why I moved my body, because I want to be able to do the things I wanna do in life and be able to have the functionality to do that.

[00:14:58] Like I was healthy enough to just do the things like lift the suitcase. And so it’s not about, Oh, I should exercise because I wanna fit into this thing. Just get the size that fits you. That’s not the issue. At least not for me. It’s not about I should do it because people on Instagram said that’s what I should do.

[00:15:14] It’s because it’s literally what your body needs to. You function better, you move better, you feel better, you think better. You emote better. You relate to other humans better when you take care of your body. And so knowing that, now I want you to come back and ask me, how do I make time for that? Because I’m gonna ask you, how do you not make time?

[00:15:38] For the thing that literally keeps you alive and healthy and well, and it makes, it’s good for your body and your mind. It’s for me, it’s more about my mental health than my physical. When I think about exercise and when I think about my physical health, I think about making sure I’m sleeping and drinking my water.

[00:15:54] But really, exercise movement really does for me. It helps me clear my mind. It, it is a place where I can. My strength, I can see, wow, I used to be able to do this amount of weight. Now I can do this, or I couldn’t do that. And I remember when I struggled with this, and now look at me doing this thing, and I take that into the real world, like, Oh, this thing in real life is really hard.

[00:16:14] But guess what? I remember when I did that hard thing when I was exercising. I couldn’t do that then. I couldn’t do it this time. So when I meet a challenge that I feel like I can’t do, my brain says, Uhuh, remember we couldn’t do a V up. You know, six months postpartum, now you’re killing those things, you know?

[00:16:30] So for me, there’s just so many benefits that are endless that if you really think about it, when you say it out loud, how do I not make time for this? You will hear how absurd that is, and you will give yourself the space to understand. That I’m worth, and I actually have this on, it says, I’m worth the effort.

[00:16:46] I am worth the effort it takes to make time to do what’s important. Because I can guarantee you if you know what the Bachelor, what the ba, what bachelor it is, if you know, if you’ve streamed something, you have time. If you have a phone that doesn’t flip open that you use, you have time to to move your body.

[00:17:04] Leah: Oh, I so agree. And I wanna touch on one thing cuz I. Had I think the same kind of transition for me, which was I stopped making exercise about. A vanity metric, not about my size, not about what the scale said. That wasn’t why I was doing it as long as that had been. Why I had never been able to stay consistent, never.

[00:17:29] I would go on off, on off when it changed for me. So I currently have a. 17 year old, a 16 year old, and a 14 year old. My world is rocking right now because I have a senior, like my, my world next year she goes off and I am not ready. And, um, and, and I’m, I have a lot of friends who have been having a lot of fun teasing me, being like, Do you realize in 10 years you could be a grandma?

[00:17:56] And I’m like, Stop it. Stop it now. You are not open. But that has stuck in my. and I, I exercise for the vibrance for the vitality. Mm-hmm. . Cause I want to have energy and I do it for that mental mm-hmm. , like, I need this to just give me that outlet to just let it all go blow off the steam. Mm-hmm. And I have this picture, like I picture myself as a grandma.

[00:18:25] Running through Disneyland. That’s what I envision. And I’m like, I want to be able to not only keep up with them, they’re gonna have to try to keep up with me. I am gonna be like, I love it. Come on guys. We gotta get to the next,

[00:18:37] Shunta: That is, Yeah, that is what I

[00:18:38] Leah: vision. I love that and. And I think, you know, another thing that just helps me is when you start understanding the health connections attached to exercise, I’ve really been studying

[00:18:49] a lot of research around weightlifting and what it does, um, for our, our brains, for our minds, for helping us against, uh, degeneration and right. And so those become extra motivations. I’m not doing this for the me today. That wants to fit into to anything. Even though I will say the other day I was going from the grocery store and I was holding all of the bags, you know, in two hands.

[00:19:11] Mm-hmm. , and I was like, mm-hmm , look, I meet you in this. Right? Yeah. I was feeling really good about that, but I’m doing it for future me. Like these are the investments. I make this investment every day for future me. Because I don’t want future me to be like, Really, you couldn’t have just built these habits so making that be my motivation or I guess my why has made the difference for me as well of like no longer I don’t drop off anymore.

[00:19:38] this is just what I do, It’s who I am. So I wanna shift a little bit and talk about. Balancing being an entrepreneur and a mom because it, there’s no way around it. It is hard. It is a beast trying to be present and intentional and, and that, that mom that you dream of being and trying to build, scale, grow, improve.

[00:20:06] Your company, which is also such a part of who we are. So how do you keep the balance? How do you manage both? What does it look like when you’re doing great? And what do you notice when it doesn’t feel so great? What are the things that are that are hurting, hurting your ability?

[00:20:24] Shunta: Great question. Uh, the first thing is I don’t balance or try to, uh, because it just, that feels uncomfortable to me.

[00:20:34] Um, what I do is I try to be very present wherever I am. . And when I do that, that’s when I see success and when I don’t, Like you asked, that’s, that’s one of the things that I can tell when I’m not. So what that means is, you know, I’m not trying to divide my day and say, okay, I wanna give eight hours to work and eight hours to parenting.

[00:20:56] That’s balanced in my opinion. Cuz that’s like a nice even kill. There’s some days where parenting. 10. Work gets nine, work gets 10, parenting gets 90, you know, 90. Um, or you clearly, and that’s not even true because there are other things. There’s being a friend, there’s so many other components. So the first thing I do is I don’t carry this weight of I am trying to be anything outside of what I am.

[00:21:19] And one of the things that helps with that is I live by the standard of I’m gonna do my best in this day. My best today. Why my company’s called best today may not look like my best yesterday. So I’m not going back and say, Oh, yesterday I crushed it. I didn’t yell. I. That was yesterday. I’m gonna do my best today.

[00:21:37] And I think when you hold yourself and you rise to that standard of your best, then it doesn’t leave room for guilt or shame. I don’t experience either of those emotions. Um, and I know that every day with the tools that I have, I am showing up as my best. And then when I get something wrong, meaning I decide I don’t like the way I handled that, I can then say what happened there?

[00:22:00] Which goes to the second part of your question, The days where, I decide I’m gonna work out later in the day. I can’t do that because it’s something about starting my day there. I can already see a difference. The days where I skip something that I need in my morning time, whether it’s a part of like quiet time, I can’t do that.

[00:22:19] Because I’m, I don’t now have that reservoir of peace to tap into when one child is scream, crying, the other one is complaining, and I just want to tell all of them, Get out of my house. Right? So for me, it’s making sure I’m doing the things that I know I need first. Uh, the second is understanding that.

[00:22:40] They’re seasons right now we’re in a heavy work season because like I said, I’m in, I’m in school, so you know, I’m gonna have these to these, you know, I paint for my daughter and these blocks for my son to keep them occupied while I’m in class. I have no guilt about that. I don’t feel any kind of way. I am doing something that in this season is necessary and it’ll be over in May of next year.

[00:23:00] They’re gonna live, I’m gonna live, I’m gonna be better for, I’m gonna be a better leader and business owner. Um, and so there’s a reason why I’m doing this. So another thing is I only do things that. You know, it’s really easy. It’s really easy to be hard on yourself when you’re doing a whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t matter to you, and you have no connection to your desires, your life that you want.

[00:23:19] That’s one space to bring in a lot of that feeling of, Oh, I kind of can’t do it all, because you’re trying to quote unquote balance things that you don’t, that shouldn’t even be in your hands. So that’s another thing. You know, school, this school work, this business program one was very hard to get into. I was selected, um, it’s.

[00:23:35] Funded and paid for on my behalf. So it’s like I’m going to show up well there, I wanna show up well at work for my team, but then when I’m with my children, I’m gonna show up well there as well. So, you know, Saturday was their day. I had been out of town for work for the week. Um, and then so Saturday was our day.

[00:23:53] We spent the almost entire day together and I don’t really do much for work on the weekends anyway, so it’s understanding. Things are gonna shift. And I think the best explanation I’ve ever heard is thinking about harmony. Where if you listen to a orchestra, there’s gonna be times where the percussion gets the best parts and they’re the loudest.

[00:24:12] Then there’s gonna be times when the strings are playing the loudest and neither one is good or bad. It’s, it makes the music beautiful. And so I’m in a season where work is playing a little bit louder, and I’m okay with that because I made that choice. It doesn’t make me a poor mom or whatever. I know a lot of people think.

[00:24:29] I’m, I just don’t think that way because of the intention. I know why I’m doing this. This is going to allow me to do this other thing that really matters to me because like you mentioned, in less than 18 years, they’re not gonna be here. And I don’t wanna say, Oh, I’m gonna wait and start my life. Then no.

[00:24:45] I’ll be able to build on things that I was building while they were here, when they’re gone, because it’s just a season. So that’s how I do it, is by keeping really clear on what matters and only giving my time to what matters and being present where I am. So when I’m at work, I’m at work. When I’m with them, I’m with them.

[00:25:01] And then when priorities clash, then that’s the whole point of having priorities. If I’m at work working, but I get a phone call that my child is hurt or something is needed at school, guess what? By work. Hello. You know, so it’s, that’s how it works for me. And, and I just wanna invite anyone who’s a parent to please, um, disengage from guilt and, um, shame around having to make choices.

[00:25:25] Sometimes that doesn’t. Put your family with the most amount of time, particularly if it’s just for a season, which usually it is.

[00:25:33] Leah: Absolutely. I, I agree so heartedly, two things that I just feel like I wanna just re reiterate because they’re so crucial. Number one is we could probably eliminate so many problems that people are feeling if they would just listen to this one thing.

[00:25:50] Shante and Leah are telling. Be present. When you’re there. Just be there. Stop trying to be in two places at once. It doesn’t work. 2% of the population can multitask. Guess what? You are probably not part of that. So , stop trying. Like if you are with the kids, if you are with the the family, be all in. That means throw your phone to focus.

[00:26:13] Go put it in a drawer. Be there and if you are working, be working. And of course if that phone rings and it’s the school, we shift immediately. But when we’re there, be there. I just, I truly believe it comes down to committing to be present where you are and that that would take care of so much of, of the SST that people feel.

[00:26:35] And then number two is this idea of seasons. Life comes in seasons. That is just the way it works. And when we acknowledge and recognize the seasons we’re in exactly what you said. You know, the season you’re in right now, and you’re like, okay, for right now, mm-hmm , this is what it looks like, but this is not, this is not forever.

[00:26:54] This is a season. I remember when I built my first course, um, which would’ve been 2012, the kids were really little and I knew like, for this season, this is going, I am going to be putting in long hours. It is gonna be harder. I had my mm-hmm. , my, my date that I’d given myself. I had my launch times, like I needed to get all this done and I.

[00:27:17] Sitting ’em down and thinking about, you know, they’re, they’re invested in this too, because I’m gonna be asking more of them. I’m gonna be asking the oldest to help make the little one a sandwich and I’m gonna be asking them to, you know, I need you to just wait, give mommy more time today. Mm-hmm. , she’s gotta finish this up.

[00:27:33] And. . So I decided that I wanted them to be in on it and give them a bonus. Yeah, right. Just like if we were in corporate and you reach your goals, you’d get a bonus. So I told them I love that and I would be a lot more careful now cuz they have a lot more expensive taste. But I told them at that time, I was like, when mommy reaches this, when, when we launch, when this happens.

[00:27:52] And I explained to ’em why I was so excited, what I was trying to do, what this meant to me, what I believed we be able to do as a family. And, and I said, so I, I need everybody’s help. I want you to decide what your bonus is gonna be. What you can pick any toy you want, and this is gonna be your bonus when, when we reach it and, uh mm-hmm.

[00:28:11] So that was how my, my girls got their first American girl dolls. That was, that was their bonus. And then my son, it was, you know, this big giant Lego set. Um, and, and, and I, I, I’ve always, you know, it was, it was honestly kind of an idea I, I came up with on the fly and I was thinking about. When you reach projections as a company, everybody gets rewarded.

[00:28:32] I’m gonna, I’m gonna, And I can use it with them. Like, remember, we all get the bonus, we’re all gonna get the bonus and keep ’em motivated. But, um, it, it worked and it was amazing and, and they had that buy-in anyways. It was really fun. Mm-hmm. . Um, okay, so as we wrap up and we’ve talked about. Um, being intentional, and obviously this is something like being present, being intentional.

[00:28:55] You and I are both, we really believe in this. Yes. What would be your final, your final words to share with like, I, I think that we can get into bad habits of distraction and we, we live in a time where that is the goal, not ours personally, but people need to understand the goal of social media platforms, the goal of Apple or whatever, you know, Android, whatever the goal of, of other companies it is to get your attention.

[00:29:24] It is to grab you. Yeah. And they are working incredibly, incredibly hard investing, insane amounts of. to to buy for our attention and grab it and hold onto it as long yep. As they possibly can. Cuz the longer they hold us, the more money they make. So, mm-hmm. , how, how do we choose better and create new habits that are gonna help us to be more intentional, more

[00:29:52] Shunta: present.

[00:29:54] Yeah. Um, I, I’m gonna go back to my definition of being intentional. It is being clear on who you are, what you want, while honoring the season of life you’re in. That is going to become your boundary. , anything that’s outside of it is a distraction. Any and everything outside of it is a distraction. And I am confident in saying every person listening to this doesn’t have time for it.

[00:30:17] Okay? There are better things you can be doing with any quote unquote free time that you have. So when you get clear in the benefit of getting clear on who you are, what you want, and the season of life you’re in, is it now helps define what isn’t in that bubble, in that triangle, that sphere. Social media usually is one of those things.

[00:30:36] And the thing, like you said it, they’re better at their job than you are at yours. They’re better at keeping you on there than you are at, Oh, I’m just gonna look for five minutes. Oh, I’m just gonna do like, they’re better at their job. Like I need you to understand. They are really good. They know exactly what you want.

[00:30:53] They know that you were just thinking about a purple suitcase. As you were walking down the street yesterday, and they’re gonna show you the video of it, someone using it, another alternative, a bag that matches it, and then they’re gonna like, they know, right? So the thing is, so how do you now set boundaries to protect yourself and your time?

[00:31:14] So I think what I want everyone to take away is maybe something I need to do later today, tonight. Is to write down what really matters in this season and then understand when you’re planning your day, which I do every day at my Best Today Guide. It’s, and I recommend, Please Plan every day before it begins.

[00:31:33] Right? When you’re planning what you’re going to do, cuz it helps you now be intentional and proactive. I want you to write down like, Okay, here are the things that I have now cross out anything. Does not align with what you just said was important, aligns with who you are, what you want in your season of life.

[00:31:48] And start think. And the reason I have you do this is because over time you get better at it and it just starts to come naturally and you start to weed out the distractions a lot easier. Distractions can be places where you go. People you communicate to and give your time and energy to. It’s not just social media, that is a huge one, but their distractions in your everyday life.

[00:32:07] There are people in your phone who are distractions and they’re also very good at that, and you keep giving them that space. So set, learning how to set those boundaries, um, is really gonna help you to create better habits. Um, and that’s a whole nother conversation, but that’s one small step you can take is really defining the boundaries so you’re aware of how much time you’re giving to distractions.

[00:32:28] Every single. Yes.

[00:32:30] Leah: We talk about distractions. I feel like as, as a culture a lot, and the big obvious are things like our phone, tv. Yes, those are huge distractions and we need to acknowledge and look at those and, and see how we’re doing and how we feel about, about our, our habits around those. But there are, there are so many other forms of distractions and one that I.

[00:32:50] Often people don’t recognize as a distraction is the things that you don’t have a good system for, and therefore they are taking up way too much space. So, for example, mm-hmm. , if someone frequently does not have a plan for dinner every night they get done working and they’re like, Darn it, I don’t know what, what to have made.

[00:33:12] That is a distraction that is showing. Way more often than they’re recognizing. So to sit down one time and say, Okay, how do I fix this? What does this look like? Brain dump? What? What are the options where I could make a plan? I could make a system that would help this. Okay, well, I could sit down once a week and come up with a meal plan, or maybe I purchase a meal plan kit.

[00:33:32] Get them delivering dinner three times a week, Maybe I find someone who’s gonna cook. Maybe I look at my, you know, the way that we, we’ve done a combo of all of those, but mm-hmm. . But looking at what are these things that are taking up a lot of space in, in my brain, in my thoughts that keep coming back and, and bothering me.

[00:33:52] And how do I put in a simple system that can alleviate. That thing. Um, so I think, I think that’s another way we can, we can look at and think of distractions and that that’s a little different. That’s, that’s a little past. And I, cuz I like that you mentioned that. I like that you’re like, Yeah, these are the big ones, but there are others.

[00:34:11] And that’s one, one that I

[00:34:13] Shunta: think of. Yeah, and that’s exactly what I talk about in right now. Routine. Routine is kind of what I’m thinking you’re describing is you’re looking at this thing and now you can decide once and now you know every time this happens, this will happen. And it saved you so much time.

[00:34:26] Not only time, but mental energy that takes a lot of like, you’re gonna be tired. And a lot of people wonder why they’re so tired. They’re like, I really didn’t do a lot. Your mind sometimes works harder than your body in the day, and that’s a whole nother thing, your emotions. And so a lot of this also alleviates the strain you put on your mind and.

[00:34:43] So it’s well worth taking the time to create these systems or routines as I call them. Absolutely. You are burning. Mm-hmm.

[00:34:49] Leah: calorie. Even if you think like, Oh, I didn’t even move much. That mental capacity. Think about that day when you’ve really gotta think hard about something, really work on something, and you get done and you’re like, Whoa, I am worn out.

[00:35:03] That mental capacity is. Absolutely there. And you know, we think about decision fatigue you get to the end of the day mm-hmm. , and it’s a whole lot harder to make those good choices. Well, when we build in some good routines that help simplify for us and make it easier to just not exert so much of that mental capacity, it’s, it’s powerful.

[00:35:24] It does make a difference. And we feel better. We just like, look at me, look at me, making things happen. It feels good. Oh, I love this. So, Thank you so much for chatting with me today and for sharing your brilliance and your insights.

[00:35:39] So, so grateful to have you.

[00:35:41] . There was so much goodness in this episode. I think one of my favorite takeaways was when Shante said that you are born with all the points. This world does not make us feel like we’re supposed to. Be having all the points already. We feel like, oh, once I get to this next level, then that’s when I achieve the points.

[00:36:05] It’s, I was thinking about the game of life and that, you know, you acquire more, you get more points as you acquire more, but what if that’s all wrong? What if we were born with all the points and your value is because you are here, not what we do. That comes with growth and that’s beautiful and, and I love working to become more.

[00:36:28] I already have all the points. Mm. I just loved that. I’m gonna share that one with my kiddos too. So if you loved this episode, please take a moment and leave a five star review. It means the world.

[00:36:41] If you loved this episode, please take a moment and leave a five star review. My name is Leah Rela. This is The Balancing Busy Podcast. I will see you on the next episode, but until then, remember, you are capable. This is possible. It’s your time.

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