Description: Heidi Hope and I both come from a place of experiencing extreme burnout. The good news is that we are on the other side and today we are sharing those experiences. What we’ve both learned from drowning in overwhelm, what we got wrong, what we fixed, and how we now avoid choosing (yep choosing) burnout.
This will help:
👉 Anyone who wants to ditch the cycle of overwhelm and burnout
👉 Set boundaries and shift your mindset around burnout
👉 Increase productivity without losing time, sleep, and relationships
In this episode:
4:05 Are We Hardwired for Burnout
8:02 Being Intentional About Expending Our Energy
15:13 Our Power Comes When We Fill Ourselves Up
19:20 Overwhelm is Directly Connected to Feeling Like There’s Not Enough Time
24:53 When Burnout Becomes a Cycle, You are Choosing It
28:33 Creating Boundaries Around Time and Energy
BEING INTENTIONAL ABOUT OUR ENERGY
Burnout is avoidable. There is a way to achieve and have success, but we have to be a little bit more intentional about how we’re expending our energy. Crashing shouldn’t be the only time that we allow ourselves to stop. In fact, one of the signs that you’re burnt out is that you only allow yourself to rest when you’re sick or forced to rest.
Think about this: even the highest peak performers, the high achievers, the Olympic athletes, the marathon runners, they have rest built into their schedule. They can’t train every single day. They have to rest. And so that’s part of our cycle as creatives, business owners, and high achievers, too. There has to be the time that we allow our brains and our bodies to be replenished. We need a full tank of gas so we can be ready to hit the ground running, because we work with such intensity when we’re inspired.
OUR POWER COMES WHEN WE FILL OURSELVES UP
Your value as a mother, your value as a worker, your value in your career doesn’t come from sacrifice. In fact, we can give so much without sacrifice. When you can get to a place where you’re so full and you are giving from that energy, you’re actually going to be more giving and be more productive.
We think of it very backwards culturally. We’ve been conditioned to give, even if we’re empty. That’s a really low energy to be giving from. It’s actually not very effective when we’re giving from our own exhaustion or when we’re completely wiped out and burnt out.
Find things that fill you up and that bring you joy. If you can give yourself that gift, you will see that when you show up to do your work, it’s scientifically proven that you will be more productive.
Why? Because you’re inspired, because you’re full, because you allowed yourself to feel that joy, that purpose, and that passion in other areas of your life. And then, you can’t help but give and serve when you are that full of feeling good. It just flows right out of you. It’s overflowing. When you’re smiling, you want everybody else to be smiling too.
So really our power as creators, as business owners, or mothers, etc. comes when we fill ourselves up through small practices — small, joyful, daily practices.
Making the time to do the things that fill you up isn’t selfish. These things are going to impact the world around you so much greater when you are bringing that energy to the table.
WHEN BURNOUT BECOMES A CYCLE, YOU ARE CHOOSING IT
We tell ourselves a story that there’s not enough time and then we repeat this cycle. And when we are repeating things, we are choosing things. So yeah, you might be choosing burnout. If you get burnt out over and over again, that’s a choice. Because at the end of the day, you are the one who’s saying yes to all the things, whatever your reasons are for doing that.
But if you want to change the way things look for you, you have to start choosing differently. This might feel like a really, really hard call out. Like, “Hey, you’re choosing burnout.”
I remember coming to a very, very similar place. As soon as you acknowledge that you are in control, you take back your power. You no longer believe that your burn out has happened because it’s busy season, or because I’m in a launch. It’s because the kids have 5 million sports. It’s because my husband is doing this. If we always blame it on the circumstances, we will be in a perpetual state of overwhelm or burnout. I need to be very, very honest, and I know this is harsh, but it can destroy our families, our marriages, and our relationship with our kids.
So this is something that we need to take super seriously. We have to stop choosing burnout. We have to take back our power, be intentional, and choose something different.
CREATING BOUNDARIES AROUND TIME AND ENERGY
Naturally boundaries would be the next thing to come up. If we are going to be choosing something other than overwhelm, we are gonna need some good boundaries. They can be tough. They were for me for a long time.
So whether your boundaries are around work, technology use, your personal time, your time with your spouse, your time with your children, even how many things you volunteer for or commit to or donate to or whatever. These things need to be planned.
We have to make a plan for ourselves, especially going into busy seasons. When you’re going into a season of life that you know is going to be busy, become very intentional about how much time you are going to commit to different responsibilities, rather than just haphazardly saying yes to all the things.
Give yourself space to pause and check in with yourself before adding things to your plate. A lot of us are people pleasers and we really do want to do all the things so we say yes before really thinking about the time and energy that it really takes. Having a response that allows you time to pause and follow up will eliminate a lot of that resentment that can build up after saying yes to too many things.
Alright, how do you feel? I know it can be some tough love to hear that you might be choosing your burnout, but I want you to feel the power that comes from the flip side of that. You have the power to intentionally choose something else, something better.
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LINKS YOU’LL LOVE:
Find Heidi Hope :https://heidihope.com/
[00:00:00] Leah Remillet: This is the Balancing Busy Podcast, and in this episode I bring my amazing friend Heidi Hope on with me to talk about if burnout is something we are just hardwired. To experience. Both of us have come from a place of definitely experiencing burnout. So we share and we talk about those experiences. Now I just have to tell you a little bit about Heidi cuz she is so amazing.
[00:00:26] We met speaking at the same conference in 2012. We figured out and as soon as I met her, I knew like, this is someone I wanna know, this is someone I wanna be friends with. She has built an incredible seven figure photography studio. She has been featured absolutely. Everywhere. She’s done it all while raising kids, having kids.
[00:00:48] Just so many things, and she is just a wealth of knowledge. Something that you wouldn’t know without me sharing is that our journeys have been very, very parallel. We feel like we are frequently experiencing and going through the same things at the same times, and we’ve been helping each other through those.
[00:01:06] For the last decade, one of my very, very favorite Marco Polos that I ever look forward to is the ones, There’s this group of three of us, uh, our friend, Jean, Heidi, and myself, and we are just constantly going through the same things at the same time, and we help each other and we talk through it. And it’s just amazing what that does for one another and what an incredible blessing it has been for me.
[00:01:31] So, It’s brilliant when it comes to mindset, boundaries, learning how to avoid burnout, and, and I just can’t reiterate enough the mindset part of it. So let’s jump into this interview. I got so much out of it. I can’t wait to find out the insights that you get from it, and I would love to hear, so hit me up, DM me on Instagram.
[00:01:54] Um, share them with me. Okay, let’s jump in. .
[00:01:57] Heidi, I am so, so excited you are here. Thank you for being here today with
[00:02:02] Heidi Hope: me. Thank you so much for having me. Oh
[00:02:05] Leah Remillet: my gosh, always. I am really excited about this. So our conversation is going to be about, If we are hardwired for burnout and how to avoid it and, and just, I just wanna share with everybody, you had that as a subject line and the second I saw it, I replied back and I was like, You have to be on the podcast.
[00:02:24] We have to talk about this. And we go so far back. I, I don’t know what the year was like, 2000 and, I don’t know, 10, 12.
[00:02:35] Heidi Hope: Yeah, it was probably, um, 2012, which act so, so a decade and that was. I, I will always look back as like one of the hardest years of my life. So I was like, I was like at rock bottom of burnout when we met , actually.
[00:02:53] Leah Remillet: That is so, that is so interesting. And what an amazing concept. Like full circle, a full decade later. To be having, having these conversations. And we were both speaking at the same conference. That was how we got to meet each other. And as soon as I met you, I’m like, Oh, I love her. She is amazing. And um, and I had really just, was just coming out of the burnout.
[00:03:18] Like I was on the, the tail end I think of, of fixing the burnout that I had created. So we both come from a place of, , having that level of just stress and burnout. So my first question is for you is absolutely like, are we hardwired for burnout? Are there certain personalities, I’ve been thinking a lot about this, that, that are even more prone to burnout.
[00:03:45] Heidi Hope: Yes, I think definitely, um, I think high achieving women definitely are, um, prone to it because we don’t really have the off switch. So if you are a high achieving, hardworking woman who you get through school in, you know, and you get out and you start your job, if you have a regular job, Go into it and you clock in and you clock out, and it maybe is a little bit easier, not always easier, but a little bit easier to have some boundaries set up around work.
[00:04:18] But if you, if you don’t know how to set those boundaries up, or if you go into business for yourself, which is what we shared in common in those early years of building a business, there’s always something more to be done. And we don’t, we just don’t have that off switch and. In our culture. It’s very celebrated, I think, to just that, that hustle culture that, um, that, that keep going, going, going.
[00:04:45] Like the person who works the hardest, the person who runs the fastest is gonna be the winner of the race, you know? And we treat our lives like a race. And it’s like . It’s it. If nobody has shown us how to put boundaries in place or turn the switch off, then it’s so easy to slip into. Guessing being the people pleaser saying yes to every single thing, Overcom committing ourselves, and then all of a sudden we’re working like till three o’clock in the morning to just to try to get done all of our commitments and responsibilities, right?
[00:05:20] Leah Remillet: Oh, absolutely. I, I always used to say, I don’t have a dimmer switch. I am on or I am off. Right. I’m 100%, or I’m nothing. And, and here’s the thing, I like that about myself. Like I do like that if I say I’m gonna do something, you know I’m going to do it and you can count on me and I’m gonna go all out and I’m gonna, I, and, and I like the results that I see from that effort.
[00:05:46] In some ways, yes. But then there’s this other part of me that I found out, Wow, I really don’t like that. I, I didn’t seem to know. To stop how there’s exactly what you said, there is always more to be done. There is always mm-hmm. these things, calling to us and if. Believe that we have to be a hundred percent that hustle harder.
[00:06:08] Give up the sleep, keep running. It’s gonna hurt us. My my son is in cross country right now and, um, you know, you see some of these kids and they run as hard as they can and it’s, it’s a defined short period of time. They know it’s the 3.1 whatever, miles. Right? It’s a, it’s this short period of time and they run with all they can and they get to the finish line and you see them.
[00:06:32] hunched over sick all over the place because they ran so hard. Mm-hmm. And I look at that and I’m like, you know, I basically did that in my life. But yeah, it wasn’t a defined time. I didn’t say, Okay, but it’s only, you know, for the next 25 minutes on this one day a week, I said, And just keep trying to do it as long as you can until I was doubled over and, And lost it.
[00:06:58] Yeah. So, . So how, how do we, Okay. I guess maybe how do we first acknowledge and recognize the signs that we are either that, that we’re on our way to burnout? Because anyone in burnout probably is like, uh, I can identify that I am burnt out. Yes. But, but for those who are, who are maybe making some steps that are going to lead to that, what could they maybe
[00:07:20] Heidi Hope: re.
[00:07:21] Okay, well first I think, uh, a lot of us with this, you know, type of drive, and you’re right, there are so many good things about it. Um, and so many positives and a lot of our achievement has come from that. But there is a way to. Still achieve and have success, but be a little bit more intentional.
[00:07:40] Intentional about how we’re expending our energy. And so when the only time you stop is when you crash or you’re hunched over after the race, you know, like that shouldn’t be the only time that we allow ourselves to stop. One of the signs that you’re burnt out is that you only allow yourself to rest when you’re.
[00:08:00] Right. Or what? Like you only schedule in rest or reprieve when you are sick or you come down with something or maybe you take a va, you actually take a vacation and you get sick on vacation. That used to be, that was like a telltale for me. Every time I took a vacation, I got sick because it was the only time that I allowed myself to rest.
[00:08:18] There was no other rest built into my schedule. Mm-hmm. and even like at the highest peak performers, high achievers, Olympic athletes, marathon runner. They have rest built into their schedule. They can’t train every single day. They have to rest. And so that’s part of our cycle As creatives, as business owners, as high achievers in that achievement cycle, there has to be the time that we allow our brains and our bodies to be replenished so that we have a full tank of gas for when we are ready to, to race, you know, when we’re ready to hit the ground running because we do work with such intensity when we’re inspired.
[00:08:58] That’s awesome, but that needs to be replenished and, and that’s something that we have to be intentional about planning for ourselves. Mm, Yes.
[00:09:08] Leah Remillet: I remember when I was trying to make these changes and I was trying to ship, you know, I, I’d hit absolute max burnout because I did exactly what you were talking about.
[00:09:16] It was hustle until you drop and then fine, stay down until you, as soon as you can get up, get back up and go again. And there was no built in. Rest or reprieve. Even when I was pretending that it was rest, it really wasn’t restful. Um, and, and I was trying to make these changes, but I do, I do still have this personality and this mindset that is very all or nothing.
[00:09:43] And so I remember I found this study and it was talking about how. We are, we are more productive in a positive state than if we are negative or neutral by about 30. Yes. 30 plus percent. It’s like 31% I think is what it was and mm-hmm. . I remember recognizing that and thinking, Okay, I’m trying to. To produce at the top rate I can.
[00:10:08] So recognizing that I’m going to produce better and more if I’m in a positive state than even if I’m in neutral, even if I’m just feeling okay. It’s obvious at negative, but even at neutral, I’m better when I’m in a positive frame of mine. And so therefore, that started. Allowing me to put more precedence on taking time to have fun, to get sleep, to do those things that fill my cut back up because I could think, Well, I’m gonna be 30% better.
[00:10:37] Well, if, if we’re looking over a 10 hour period, that’s three hours more that I could do better just by resting. It, it was my way to try to, like, I had to be able to justify in my head why it was okay to rest and, and I wanna talk about this because that was a mindset problem, right?
[00:10:55] Yeah. I had mm-hmm. , I had some serious mindset issues around feeling guilty, um, and just bad if I wasn’t producing, working, being what I believed was productive. So, So you are so good with the mindset stuff. How do we start making those. When we do need to have some big mindset
[00:11:19] Heidi Hope: changes. Yeah, I think this is a big one.
[00:11:22] Um, not just for career driven women, but like mothers in general. Yes. Like I, I, this is a bit like the guilt for moms for taking time for themselves because it is such a selfless job. And when you, you first have newborns and they need you all the time, and then, so you are really busy in the beginning and you’re sleep deprived and you just get used to the sac, the level of sacrifice and all of that.
[00:11:44] But like, That doesn’t have to play out forever. You know, that’s a, a little window of time when your babies are very, very young, and although they always need you, your value as a mother, your value as a worker, your value in your career doesn’t come from sacrifice. And that’s, we have it very backwards culturally where we kind of are, We are taught that.
[00:12:09] That is, uh, that is part of our worth is the amount that we give, but we can give without sacrifice. That’s a thing I try when I work with women to get you to a place where you’re so full, you, you fill yourself up so much that you’re giving from that you’re actually more giving and like you said, more productive.
[00:12:29] when you are filled up, but mm-hmm. . But it’s like, we think of it very backwards culturally, and we’ve been conditioned very backwards culturally that it’s, that we should be giving, even if we’re empty. And, and that’s a really low energy to be giving from. It’s actually not very effective usually when we’re giving from our own, when we’re completely wiped out, burnt out.
[00:12:51] Right? Think about those. When you were really burnt out and the way that you would show up and do the job and even the way that you handle customers or whatever, when you’re giving from that burnt out place, it’s usually like an energy of resentment or I was thinking exhaust. The exact same thing. Yep.
[00:13:08] Yeah. It’s like
[00:13:08] Leah Remillet: it’s normal. You’re more irritated quicker to snap.
[00:13:11] Heidi Hope: Yeah. Yeah. And so, so we think, Oh, I’m sacrificing everything. Like, because we have guilt or like, I’m, I’m being a good mom because I’m sacrificing myself for all, you know, PTO and all, you know, all the things that we do for our kids and for our spouses and for our families and for our friends, even in all of our commitments.
[00:13:33] We don’t wanna make anybody upset and we don’t wanna disappoint them. And so we say yes to all the things even though we don’t have time. We do all of that out of this. So that people love me or so that I feel worthy or so that I am successful or whatever. But it’s just a poor, low quality energy. So if you can flip it, if you can believe, just believe that if I give myself this little bit of time, this thing that inspires me, this thing that brings me joy, th this, maybe it’s lunch with a friend.
[00:14:06] Maybe it is spending some time going for a walk with your kids after dinner or whatever. Whatever the things are that fill you up and bring you joy. If you can give yourself that gift, you will see that. When you show up to do your work, like you said, it’s scientifically proven you’re more productive.
[00:14:24] Why? Because you’re inspired, because you’re full, because you allowed yourself to feel that joy, that purpose, that passion in other areas of your life. And then, then you can’t help but give and serve when you are that full of feeling good, right? Yeah. It’s. It flows out of you. It’s overflowing. You ha when you’re smiling, you want everybody else to be smiling too.
[00:14:47] So really our power as creators, as work as business owners or mothers or whatever, our power comes when we fill ourselves up through. Small practices, small, joyful, daily practices. Think, I think of inspiration as being full of sp you’re spirited, right? You’re in spirit. When you’re inspired, it’s like, how do I just fill myself up so much that it’s overflowing?
[00:15:16] And whatever those things are that fill you up, ha, making the time to do them isn’t selfish because it, it’s going to impact the world around you so much greater when you are bringing that to the table.
[00:15:28] Leah Remillet: Yes. Because when we are full, it is so much easier to be compassionate, to be generous, to be patient.
[00:15:38] Mm-hmm. , to be inspired, all of those things. So when we think about the type of mother or friend or partner Yeah. Or uh, or employer. Or creator or whatever it might be. All of those things, we will be better and we will, we will actually be able to serve, whether it’s our, our clients, our husband, our kids, our friends, our parents.
[00:16:06] We will be able to serve in every capacity better when we’re full, because we can be more compassionate, more empathetic, more generous, more loving, more patient, all of those things. Okay, so. You, you touched on this and I wanna ask you, you know, whatever it is, whatever it is for each one of us. And I always love hearing, Okay, well, well what are yours?
[00:16:27] And so I know people would love to hear that. So, um, I wanna hear what yours are and then I will share what some of
[00:16:33] Heidi Hope: mine are as well. Okay. Um, well, I think physical activity definitely always makes me feel good physically. So, and, and so it’s really simple. It’s really like what makes you feel good, , like, yeah, those are the things that fill you up.
[00:16:48] So, um, so physical activity. For it really, it’s kind of universal because it’s a biochemical, like your brain releases different chemicals when you’re moving and they naturally make your body feel good. So, um, so movement and when things get really stressful for me and I, uh, when things get super busy and I would maybe.
[00:17:07] Could see that this is something that I would feel burnt out by this pace. Maybe it’s a really, maybe it’s a launch with work or, I mean, we just moved across country, so like that was a stressful time with all that stuff. So like in those periods that things get really busy and I know burnout could happen.
[00:17:25] I love to do walking meditations. So that is combining physical activity with also that mindset work. And it could be a guided meditation where you’re, where you’re really feeling positive emotion and you’re thinking about, um, visualizing the future in the way that you want it to go. Um, I think that’s really, really powerful and uplift.
[00:17:46] Also I do in my coaching group, we do a monthly paint night. So watercolor painting is something that gets me into flow state. It’s just like fun and um, and creative. Um, I love to read. So reading in like, uh, mostly I read very like inspirational books and stuff. I don’t read a lot of fiction. I read a lot of like mindset type stuff.
[00:18:08] But it’s inspiring, you know? And I like to learn. Yeah. So learning new things is another. . Um, those are, and then, um, still photography. I love picking up my camera and getting into the zone and taking pictures of stuff just for fun, even if it’s my kids or stuff around my house or whatever. So all those things are, are some of the ways that I reconnect on a daily basis in short little windows too.
[00:18:31] This does like to do a watercolor painting. I don’t need to say I have got an hour this afternoon that I’m gonna paint. It’s like, do it for five minutes. go for a walk for five minutes. It doesn’t have, You don’t have to set aside a ton of time to be able to reconnect to that good feeling. Mm. I think that’s such
[00:18:49] Leah Remillet: an important distinction because it is hard to say, especially a lot of times overwhelm.
[00:18:55] It’s directly connected with not having enough time. So to tell someone Yep. Take out some time and just do you, Yeah, it’s really hard cuz you’re like, Oh yeah, okay. Like, where is that supposed to fit? So I love that reminder of, hey, this can be. This can be in whatever moments you have. And so I would say in my busiest times, I might only be finding those moments.
[00:19:18] In the drive in between picking someone up or taking or running, listening to a book or something. Yeah. And I’m making sure exactly, I’m making sure I’m listening to a book that’s inspiring or sometimes I’ll have no sound at all and I’m just having a prayer, a gratitude prayer, and I’m just talking and thinking about, and, and just feeling the feelings of like these amazing things that are in my life right now, or pondering something that, that I, you know, wanna reflect on.
[00:19:43] So it might be in. In between moments and that’s, that’s all you have. But then I would encourage everyone to try to build in more and to look for that. And we have so many resources for getting more time back all over my site, so you know, anyone can go there and you’re gonna find all kinds of things to get more time.
[00:20:04] But I would say as so as I’ve gotten to have more time, right in, in the beginning it was. , I’m gonna say the only priorities that I had for trying to refill my cup was getting eight hours of sleep. I making the shift from, from doing exactly what you said, where I was staying up till three to 5:00 AM on most nights, trying to get all the work done and then back up at seven.
[00:20:25] That was a really, really poor idea and failed miserably. Um, so making that shift to the eight hours of sleep and then it was those little moments. In between cuz that was, that was really all I had because honestly, when I made the decision to sleep eight hours, I cut out like , I cut out like six hours of my workday that I used to spend while I should be sleeping.
[00:20:49] So, you know, I only had those moments. And then over time I started placing in the systems and, and those systems started giving me more time. And then I was able to take that time and I invested some of. Into getting more time and creating, you know, working on my business to create even more systems. And then I took some of that time and I invested it into my family.
[00:21:08] And some of that time that I invested back into myself to continue to fill my cup. So now I would say I’m the same way movement. I’m gonna be honest. I still don’t like it. Like I, I very, very rarely think I am so excited to exercise. I just don’t, But I can, I can see the difference it makes in me and my reason isn’t.
[00:21:29] Physical. I would like physical. Let’s not be dishonest. I would like physical to look a certain way, but my real reason to do it is vitality. It’s energy. It’s. It’s the mental everything that I need from it. And it’s my long term goals. It’s being the super, super active grandma that I dream of being. Right?
[00:21:49] Yeah. So, so that, that physical component being active, um, definitely getting the eight hours of sleep. I love going for a walk. I can’t do it all the time. It doesn’t always fit in, but I love taking a 30 minute walk with, I’m the same way. It’s a mindset book with one of my mindset books and, you know, Doing a quick walk around the neighborhood with the dog, and I love doing it right after lunch if I can.
[00:22:12] Um, yeah, we come out of, everybody knows to come out of their room or office. Two of my kids are, are online school and my husband is, is sometimes here also depending. And so everyone comes out at the same time and we all have lunch together. We usually like play a board game or chat or whatever and then go back.
[00:22:30] So that’s one of my things. I would also say, Just cuddling with my, like with my kids is honestly like one of those things that really fills me. That usually means we’re watching a movie or a show or something. Um, but that fills me going on those, like having the girl time definitely is one of those things and it’s the more you get busy, you start cutting out.
[00:22:53] the things that actually protect you from the burnout. Yes. You know, the busier I got, I canceled all the lunch dates. I couldn’t make the girls night. Mm-hmm. , I couldn’t get the exercise in. I couldn’t get sleep in I Right. Like we, we cut out every single thing that’s actually gonna protect us thinking that we’re making exactly what you said.
[00:23:13] We think we’re making some grand sacrifice and we’re actually like setting up our own demise.
[00:23:18] Heidi Hope: Yep, totally. And then usually what you end up doing with that time, even though you cancel it so that you can work more, because you just have so much work to do and not enough time. It’s like you cancel it for that, but then you’re usually too tired and burnt out to even you end up like sitting on the couch and honestly scrolling on Instagram or something else.
[00:23:36] Like we don’t actually do the things that are gonna make us feel better. This is interesting because we’re going into like the fall season, and that’s really historically busy for photographers. And I work with a lot of professional photographers and coach them. And we’ve been talking about going into this season with a plan to avoid burnout.
[00:23:54] And we talked about this exact thing and, and one of the women said there were, there are certain things, uh, like her weekends, she really hadn’t held sacred and she’s working on boundaries for the weekends. Um, but she. Never, Like if a friend asked her to like meet for a cup of coffee, she would be like, Oh, no, no, no.
[00:24:09] Like, I’ll meet you in January. I can’t do that. Like it’s, it’s my busy season and anytime that I have left, I need it for my kids or my family. And she’s like, you know, I scheduled it. It’s only an hour, and meeting her for coffee is gonna make me like really happy. So I don’t, It’s so funny how we cut out the, we, we tell ourselves a story.
[00:24:27] Yeah. We tell ourselves a story that there’s not enough time that you know, and then, and then it, it, we actually repeat this cycle. And you know, sometimes I say we’re, we’re choosing burnout. If you get burnt out over and over again that it. A choice that because you are, you, you at the end of the day, you are the one who’s saying yes to all the things or who, whatever your reasons are for doing that.
[00:24:52] But if, if you want it to look a different way for you, you have to start choosing differently. I love that it seems
[00:25:00] Leah Remillet: because it at the same place where it might feel like a really, really hard call out. Like, Hey, you’re choosing burnout. And I get everyone who might be feeling like, Hey, wait a minute, like I trying to do all the things.
[00:25:13] I remember coming to a very, very similar place and, and I’ve said some of the very same things in my coaching because I’m trying to help people make this shift to recognize As soon as you acknowledge that you are choosing, you take back your power. Mm-hmm. now. Yes. You no longer. Believe that it is circumstances, but it’s because it’s busy season.
[00:25:36] It’s because I’m in a launch. It’s because the kids have 5 million sports. It’s because my husband is doing this. It’s because, right? Like we can because ourselves into a perpetual state of overwhelm or burnout. That
[00:25:50] Heidi Hope: forever. There’s no end. There’s no end ,
[00:25:53] Leah Remillet: and it doesn’t just destroy us. We need to be very, very honest, and I know this is harsh, but it can destroy our families, our marriages, our relationship with our kids.
[00:26:02] So this is something that we need to take super serious. I, I’ve shared this before, but I remember, you know, I used to work super late and my husband would be like, Hey, do you wanna watch a show with me? Do you wanna cuddle? And I’d be like, Oh yeah, just give me 30 minutes. And the way my office was, there was a door and I could look back and it, and it looked right into the master bedroom.
[00:26:21] And so I’d be working on a check. I’d be like, Oh good. He’s still watching Sports Center, reading a book, whatever, you know? And I’d keep looking and keep looking and keep looking. And eventually I’d look back and he would be asleep because I didn’t maintain the boundaries. I didn’t do what I said I was gonna do.
[00:26:34] I didn’t hold to my commitment, if I’m being totally honest. I, I don’t know what I thought the outcome was gonna be. What I thought he was gonna stay up till 4:00 AM like, right. What did I think was gonna happen? And eventually I’d look back, he would’ve fallen asleep. And I had this moment where it hit me.
[00:26:48] There was just this little voice that said, What if he stopped waiting for you? I would’ve been devastated. And yet I was choosing this. I was creating this. And so as much as I get, and I remember and I have had to remind myself, you know, it’s not like it was a one time thing. I get how hard it can feel to hear if burnout keeps happening.
[00:27:11] You’re choosing it on the flip side. As soon as we accept that we have power again,
[00:27:17] So I think the last thing we need to make sure that we chat about, because we’ve hinted at it, is the boundaries, right?
[00:27:24] Like yeah, the boundaries are where we go next. Like when you say, Okay, I agree with everything, what is the next step? It, it is around boundaries. So what is, what is your advice? What, what would you share on that?
[00:27:40] Heidi Hope: Boundaries tend to be a really tough, um, one for. The women that I work with, and they were for me for a long time too.
[00:27:48] Whether that’s boundaries around work, boundaries around technology use. How much are you? Cuz that’s a huge time suck. Um, technology and the phone and all that. Um, boundaries around, uh, your, your ti, your personal time, your time with your spouse, your time with your children, even how many things you volunteer for or commit to or donate or whatever.
[00:28:10] Um, that’s stuff that needs to be planned. I think we have to kind of make a plan for ourselves if we want, especially going into busy seasons. When you’re going into a season of life that you know is going to be busy, become very intentional about how much time you are going to commit to different responsibilities and things, rather than just haphazardly saying yes to all the things.
[00:28:34] When you can be really intentional with a. and recognize that if you say yes to one extra thing here, you’re taking the time that you committed to somebody or something else away. When you look at your calendar and you block everything out, and there’s only so many hours in the day, be realistic about that.
[00:28:54] One woman that I worked with said, you know, she was volunteering for all the things at her kids’ school because she felt like she always wanted to be more involved at, like, she had this mom guilt and she wanted to be more involved at school, but then she recognized that all the stuff that she was volunteering for, she.
[00:29:10] Am I actually spending more time with my children through this? You know, like is my end goal was to be more present in my kids’ lives, but what I’m volunteering for actually takes me away from them more . So what am I even doing? You know? And so and so that we can just have parameters. So maybe I volunteer for one thing that takes me away, but I, I volunteer for another thing that’s inside their classroom and I’m actually, that makes me feel more present for them, or whatever the case may.
[00:29:38] It’s just giving it some forth thought. Cuz I think we just, a lot of times we’re people pleasers. We want everyone to be happy, we want everyone to love us. And so we say yes to all the things and genuinely we, we wanna be able to do all the things. Yeah. We wanna see all the people, we wanna go to, all the parties.
[00:29:55] We wanna help in every way that we can. It’s coming from a good place, it’s coming from our hearts. Um, but then when you’re in the thick of it and you, there’s no time to do it. It’s like, Oh God, why did I, why did I overcommit to so many?
[00:30:08] Leah Remillet: Uh, yeah, if you. Yes. Yeah. And if you catch yourself feeling resentful, as soon as you said yes, that’s a red flag.
[00:30:15] Yeah. Like that’s, that’s a real indication. Like, Okay, hold on. Step back. And I think sometimes maybe it starts with, we might have a really bad habit of saying yes instantly. Yeah. And maybe it just begins with making a shift to, Oh, that sounds really good. Can you follow up with me? So I can look at my schedule, and I purposefully said it that way.
[00:30:33] I did not say, I will follow up with you. I said, Can you follow up with me? Because if they’re asking you for a favor, they can follow up with you to check if it works based on your calendar. And I think we, we have these ideas of like, I don’t wanna inconvenience anyone. I don’t want anyone to put it be put out.
[00:30:49] And I definitely don’t believe in the idea. . You just do. You go ahead and inconvenience everybody who cares. Leave them high and dry. You need to take care of you. I don’t agree with that. I’m like, um, I’ve been the person who got left stranded and I. Wow, okay, sure. I didn’t have anything extra either I will take out.
[00:31:08] Right. So I definitely do not, uh, condone that. But putting some good little steps in play for ourselves where we stop saying yes, instantly, we give ourselves a second to check the calendar. Pause.
[00:31:22] Heidi Hope: Yes. You don’t even have to say no immediately. It doesn’t have to be all nos, but, but having a, a pause in there to see, like, to check in too, and.
[00:31:32] What part of me wants to say yes to this? Is it like, do, do I, Am I really enthusiastic about it? Is it like my heart? Is it something that I really wanna do? That’s like a yes, like a, you know, like a big yes. Or is this like something that, you know, is it a driven by fear? Is it driven by my ego? Is it driven by some kind of goal that’s superficial?
[00:31:55] Like just a straight money goal or a straight, you know, is it, where is the Yes coming. Where would the no be coming from? And really paying attention to that before deciding on something I think is really powerful. I love that.
[00:32:11] Leah Remillet: I think so. So in in setting boundaries, the first steps are gonna be. Have a plan, like actually look at and create a plan of what do I want this to look like, to feel like, to be like, and then have a, another plan in place for giving yourself permission to pause, to say, Can you follow up with me?
[00:32:32] Or, or if you need to, can, can I get back to you in 24 hours? I can’t tell you how often I said yes to, so. So fast that I didn’t even look at a calendar, and then I realized, I just said yes. On top of another thing. I double committed myself. I mean, that’s how fast I wanted to please everybody. And then I was miserable because now I have to disappoint someone.
[00:32:55] And, and once I implemented that pause of, Let me check on this, can you follow up with me in in a day or, How much that helped me to stop disappointing people, so, Oh, so, so good. This has been absolutely amazing, Heidi. Thank you so, so much for being here
[00:33:15] Heidi Hope: today.
[00:33:16] Thank you so much for having me.
[00:33:19] Leah Remillet: We got cut off from our interview because Heidi lost connection to what you don’t know is that we rescheduled her interview a little bit earlier because she knew a hurricane was coming. So I, I knew that wifi could be a little tricky. So I’m gonna take a moment to just tell you where you can find this amazing, amazing woman.
[00:33:38] For her. She has an incredible YouTube channel with classes that teach you painting, photography as she is the most incredible artist. Uh, she also has some incredible videos and different things on Instagram as well. I’m gonna link all of those into our show notes, of course, and help you to find all of these places.
[00:33:56] But if you search Heidi Hope, uh, you, you will begin to find her and she is so much fun to follow and so inspirational. So there you go. So much for listening to this episode. I would love to ask you at this moment right now, Take a second and just go in and leave a five star review. Just leave a quick sentence about what this podcast means for you, how even this particular episode helped you.
[00:34:22] It means so much to me. It helps me so much, and it’s gonna take a moment to fill your cup. You, you are going to be coming from a place a little more full because of this wonderful moment that you took to do a great deed. It’ll mean the world to me too. So thank you so much and I will see you in our next.Hide Transcript