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Avoiding Mommy Burnout and Teaching Our Kids a Better Way (Part 2) (Ep 43)

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Welcome to Part 2 of Avoiding Mommy Burnout and Teaching Our Kids a Better way with Dr. Sheryl Ziegler. Make sure you check out Part 1 here first, in that episode, we’re talking about burnout and anxiety in our kids and how to help them.

Now we’re gonna transition into talking about burnout in our kids and how we can help combat that, how we can help them through it.

So let’s jump into this episode!

This episode will help:

👉  Moms identify the warning signs of burnout in their kids
👉 Anyone learn this skill of active listening to connect better with kids and teens
👉 Busy moms create and model better phone and social media habits

In this episode:

2:10 What does burnout look like in our kids
13:50 How do we as parents alleviate some of the pressure
15:18 Let’s talk phones, social media, and our kids
25:21 What are we modeling and boundaries
30:41 Give them space and be present to listen
37:35 The answer is connection


What does Burnout Look Like For Our Kids

Unfortunately, burnout isn’t just for us adults. In fact, the last chapter in Dr. Ziegler’s book, Mommy Burnout, is Our Kids Are Burned Out Too. Our kids and teens are feeling immense amounts of pressure these days, and burnout is a very real thing for them.

So what things should we be on the lookout for with our kids?


Burnout in kids looks a lot like burnout for us.

Pay attention to sleep. Sleep is a big one, if they aren’t sleeping well or if you see them become more avoidant in things, that’s a big clue that they might be heading towards burnout.

You might notice that there’s more whining, complaining, and even straight-up refusal. Instead of just chalking it up to being an angsty teenager, it might be a clue to dig a little deeper. Maybe they aren’t just being difficult. Maybe that attitude is a cry for help and them saying, ‘I need a break’, but they don’t know how to say it, or even if they can.

How Can We Alleviate Some Of the Pressure

One of the biggest and best things we can do for ourselves when it comes to burnout is to be proactive, and it’s the same for our kids. Look ahead to see when you can schedule in breaks before they get to the point of burnout.

When a sports season comes to an end, instead of signing up for the next thing or making sure they get into off-season training to keep their competitive edge, let them, or even insist that they take a break.

Dr. Ziegler has spoken with college counselors, professional athletes, coaches, and lots of other people, and the theme is consistent.

If you really care and you want your kid to continue to not just be the best but thrive and actually be happy in the things that they’re doing. Give them breaks.

And listen, you really might have to insist that they take a break. I have my own kiddo who didn’t want to come on a tropical spring break trip with us because they wanted to stay home and train. It might be that our kids really love something, and they don’t have good boundaries around balancing that. It might be that they are afraid to fall behind, or they might feel like they aren’t allowed to take a break, but it’s so important for them to get the message early on that even the things we love to do, we take breaks from. If they can learn now that breaks are a good thing and a healthy thing, that will be so incredibly helpful to them as adults.

Fear of Failure

Our kids are not comfortable with the idea of failure. Who is? But what we experienced as kids is different…This is deeper, and in many ways, it’s harder.

Okay, let’s be honest, I see kids and teens who are absolutely terrified of trying something new and failing at it. But if you think about it, it makes sense. Our kids are growing up in a time where they have had accessibility to check everything.

They don’t buy something without checking reviews, they don’t go somewhere without checking the weather. They don’t pick a class until they’ve checked with ratemyprofessor.com. They have always had ways to mitigate risk and failure. There isn’t as much trial and error in their lives, as there was in ours and that is playing into that fear of failure for them because they’re used to having all these things around them to help mitigate, making bad choices.

But the honest truth is learning about who we are and what we love involves a lot of trial and error, stumbling, and, yes even failing. So our job is to help them embrace the scary idea of what if I fail?

Our call to action as parents can be that yes, we hope you ARE failing because that means you are trying! That means you are getting out of your comfort zone, and nothing could make us more proud.

I love this message from Sara Blakely, the founder of Spanx. She said that her dad encouraged them to fail at something every single day. That is the message that our kids need. It’s okay to fail. In fact, it’s great to fail!

Give Them Space and Be Present To Listen

So what can we as parents do to really help our kids when we are getting that sense that they’re overwhelmed, that they are feeling too much pressure, and they’re just gonna pop?

This piece of advice really comes straight from the kids that Dr. Ziegler has spent her whole career working with. What they say is:

I just wish that I could be heard.

If you see that your kid is struggling, give them space and be present to listen. And really, really listen.

As parents, we can quickly jump into teacher and lecturer mode, when we instead need to practice active listening. It’s when we get curious and ask the right kinds of follow-up questions to help our kids get to the answer on their own with a little bit of guidance.

And here’s the other big thing that I have found, we don’t get to pick when they’re ready to talk. Sometimes we really luck out, and it’s at the time when you’ve got them in the car, and it’s only the two of you, and you can talk.

But with my kids, I have found it is right after I have climbed into bed, and I’m just so tired. But we have to be available when they’re ready.


Connection is the Answer

The answer is connection. The one thing you can do to combat burnout in yourself and at home with your kids and family is connection.

Through all of the research, what we know is that we are mentally healthier, we are physically healthier, and we can manage stress a lot better in relationships and in connections-.

If you are struggling, the best thing you can do is pick up the phone and reach out to a friend. In fact Dr. Ziegler even has a TEDx talk about the different friends and people in our lives that we can connect with in different times and seasons of our lives. Those connections and relationships have everything to do with combatting burnout.

And if you see those signs in your kids, connection is the answer for them too. Pause, take a time out, and make room for connection.

Wow, these two episodes packed a powerful punch. For me, one of the biggest things I want to work on is my active listening skills. I’d love to know what your favorite takeaway was from these two episodes! You can connect with me on Instagram and let me know!


Links You’ll Love:

Reconnecting Offline in a Digital World World

Why I’m So Good At Failing

How I’m Changing up My Routine For Summer


Other Episodes You’ll Love:

Helping Our Kids Balance The Busy (Ep 21)

About Dr. Sheryl Ziegler:

Sheryl Gonzalez Ziegler, Psy.D. holds a Doctorate of Psychology, is an Author, Speaker, National Media Contributor, Non-Profit Board Member, Girl Scouts Leader, Girls on the Run Coach and Advocate for children.

She has been treating children and families for over twenty years with areas of expertise in anxiety, trauma, divorce, stress management and depression.

Dr. Ziegler is the author of the best-selling book, Mommy Burnout: how to reclaim your life and raise healthier children in the process, the winner of Best Parenting Book of 2018 as awarded by International Latino Book Awards.


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