Leah:  [00:00:00] This is part two of a very special episode series all about smartphones. Now, in part one, just go back one episode if you haven’t heard that one yet. We talked all about social media and our kids. And if you have been wanting to know, how are other parents doing it? What are best practices? What seems to actually be working?

What have been the results? And how do you go about dealing with smartphones and social media and all those things? And at what ages? You definitely need to go back one episode. I love this conversation. I love getting to share my experience as well as hearing it. BetterScreenTime. com is such an amazing resource and to have Andrea on the podcast sharing with us is so powerful.

So just go back one. Now we’re shifting and we’re having a conversation about us as adults with phones and smartphones. We’re going to still keep coming back to the kids, but let’s be honest. We need to figure this out for ourselves if we ever expect our kids to [00:01:00] be able to figure it out. So. Let’s jump back in to this second part of balancing busy with our phones and screen times, both for our kids and for us. Now I want to shift completely and I want to talk about us as the adults.

And our phone usage. So I was sharing this with you, uh, before we started recording, but I loved, I was doing a [00:02:00] deep dive into your social media and looking at all your different stuff, and I loved that you had a module in your amazing, um, course memberships that you offer. And it was said, love in your home over likes on your phone.

And I was like, Oh, that is so good. I love it so much. And I was sharing with you how I have seen this over and over again. Um, where, you know, we are, so many of us are running our businesses on our phones and therefore, and, and you even see the people sharing this in their stories. Here’s what work looks like.

And they’re literally on the couch staring at their phone and you see the kids in the background running around. Right. And, um, you know, I think there is a, uh, difference with the way that things are perceived for our kids between, you know, that traditional, Oh, I’m just going to use very traditional forms.

I know [00:03:00] this is not, you know, this is, this is not how it all is today, ladies. So don’t, don’t get mad at me for this, but you know, we think of like, Oh, daddy leaves the house and daddy’s at the office. Right? Daddy’s working. Well, mommy’s here, but mommy doesn’t pay attention because she’s on her phone. Even though that’s work, it’s hard for those younger brains to always understand that it’s work and maybe it’s not always the most productive work if we’re being completely honest.

And so just talk me through what you’re seeing, what we need to be aware of, what, what’s happening here. Okay. 

Andrea: I’m also a mom who runs a business and ironically use social media to share this message and it’s so funny like, 

Leah: yes, every time. Like we’re in this. 

Andrea: Yeah, but like I am sharing a message about getting off your phone, you know, and it’s like, so ironic.

Right. And so that’s what’s so challenging. And I [00:04:00] tell people that all the time. And they’re like, well, where do we find you? You know, at the end of a podcast interview or the end of an interview, I’m like, you’ll find me on Instagram at better screen time. Right. And um, one day, you know, I had a news interview and the interviewer was like, The host was so kind.

She said, all in a day’s work, Andrea, all in a day’s work, you know, and just trying to like, so yeah, that, that is part of your work. But I, I will be honest, like I waited to start my business, uh, once my youngest was, she was around four and so I was just slowly dipping my toes into it. Knowing that once she went to school full time then that would be when I would kind of fully commit And I know that doesn’t work for everyone and that’s not you know People maybe feel either need to or feel motivated or inspired to start a business Even when they’ve got little kids at home, and I understand that but I’m just saying you you can consider that and I wanted to [00:05:00] start a business for many many years and so not only I mean was I kind of This was the path that I chose, but I’ve always liked entrepreneurship.

So this wasn’t just like, Oh, I’m going to now start better screen time. Like I had been thinking about starting a business for probably a decade, you know, and, and I really was waiting for the right time. So I think that’s something for people to consider. Like there can be different eras and phases of your business and maybe you’re feeling called or inspired or you want to make, or you need to make extra money.

Then maybe this phase of your business will look different than it does when all your kids are at school. And I think that’s okay. You don’t have to be like 200, 000 followers when you’ve got all these little kids at home. And like, maybe that’s right for you. You can get outside help to help with the social media.

But I honestly think it’s very challenging. Um, and to do it all on their own and have a really big [00:06:00] following and have little kids at home. I don’t see how you could possibly manage that well. Um, if anybody has a secret on that, let me know. But from my perspective, running an account, it, it takes a lot of time to create content, to edit the content, to respond to people’s comments, to answer DMs, to do that well.

It takes a lot of time. And And I’ve done a lot of this on my own. I have someone that helps with graphic design work, but I’m the one posting and responding and all of those things and, and it really requires time. So I guess I’m just like, think about what the phase of your business is. And then if you’re at a point where you’re like, I’m all in, then we have to have boundaries.

And, and that’s something that I have and I’m still working on. And I think every mom that works at home. Don’t, again, I don’t think anyone has it figured out, but a few things that have helped me is having bookends to my [00:07:00] day. So having a start to my day and an end to my day that does not involve technology.

So again, keeping that phone out of my room has really helped me with that. So by morning, I like to kind of think of the pillars of my day. So what are the pillars? In the morning, it’s connection. The connection is helping the kids get out the door. And I think we can either see it as a chore, an obligation, or we can see it as an opportunity and like a pillar to our day.

And I try really hard to think of, nope, this is my time to like, grab that last snack that somebody forgot, to give a hug, say a prayer, whatever that is, um, yeah, talk about after school plans, and then it’s also some time for my own connection, like with a higher power. To, uh, connect with my goals for the day and for the week.

And I think when we go into the day grounded in those things rather than in what’s on our phone and especially like social media, [00:08:00] it’s the difference between being proactive about your day and being reactive. And there have been times when I’ve had to pick up my phone earlier in the day. And I just know, like, it can’t open that social media button or it’s just a wash, you know, just, it just totally hijacks the entire morning because then somebody you feel like I feel kind of this sense of obligation to re to respond to someone and I want to get back to them.

That’s just my nature, right? And I think we all have different parts of us that pull that suck us into the device. Mine is kind of that type A, wanting to respond and get back to people. For someone else, it might, I don’t know, it might be checking the likes or, or whatever it is. I think we have different reasons, things that pull us in, but, and then like shifting thinking about that nighttime, um, bookend.

You know, I like ending my day with a book, with reading, uh, with [00:09:00] having some time to just. You know, wash my face, get ready for bed, and conversation with my husband. Again, connection. Like, that’s the pillar that I want to start and end my day with. And um, so I think if we can just ask ourselves, like, what is that for us?

And then what are some times a day when we really just need to put the phone away? And again, for me, that’s gotta be those afternoon hours when Everybody’s kind of like talking about their day, or they might not be talking about their day, but I can do some dinner prep and things so I’m just available.

Um, there’s a psychologist, Lisa Demore, and she talks about being a potted plant. And I love that idea because I, again, I have sometimes have kids don’t really want to talk about their day, but I can be available and just be there. And I can still be productive. I can be. And I might even listen to a podcast, turn on a podcast, but I’m not going to have my AirPods in.

I’m not going to [00:10:00] isolate myself from my family. And so we just have to be really conscientious about how we’re using tech in front of our kids. And when we do need to use our phones, because we will, then I like just using the phrase, um, talk while you tech. Right? So tell your kids what you’re doing. Say, hey, I need to contact so and so about a play date, or I’m scheduling your dentist appointment, or I’m, and maybe you do need to, like, take 10 minutes and check DMs, then, I know for me, I pretty much, if I’m doing that when anybody’s home, I need to tell them what I’m doing and give myself a timer, and at, like, 4.

30, then we’re gonna go do this, and that’s, again, where your kids can be accountable, like, hey mom, I’m, I’m, I’m, It’s time to go to the library! Right? Yeah. So, I mean, there’s a lot there, I know it kind of went off, but it’s, I think it’s tricky, and I think it can be really easy to look at other people that have tons of followers and think they’ve got it all figured out, but there’s a lot that [00:11:00] we don’t see.

And so, just, you have to really stick to your own values and priorities and not worry about so much what everyone else is doing, because there’s a lot that you don’t know. I love this 

Leah: so, so much. And, and you went in exactly the direction I wanted to go, um, which was, okay, how are you balancing tech and social media and running a business?

And I love that you talked about boundaries. I think one of the things that’s just, maybe we don’t talk about enough is like, let’s just acknowledge that it is really hard and that we each have weaknesses. You know, I, I’ve shared this, um, A lot over the years, but I think it’s been a while. So I want to say it again.

Like I figured out where I mess up all the time and I set up little systems to protect myself from myself. Right. Because I realized like, Oh man, this is really hard for me. And one of those was, [00:12:00] um, that. If I realize that there is a problem within my business, I want to fix it. Like I’m compelled to get in there and take care of it.

And so I can’t tell you how many times in the early years I said, Oh, I need to just go check something really quick. I’d go run into my office. And then 45 minutes later, or an hour more, you know, the kids come in like, Mom, you said you were going to just take five minutes or 10 minutes, or my husband would say the same thing.

To where I actually started right before the kids were getting home from school. I powered down my computer so that I couldn’t just sneak in for a minute. I literally had to power the whole thing back on in order to get anything done. Now, smart. Yeah. It’s funny because like, you know, I’m sharing these things and I’m like, I do not envy starting businesses now because when I started my business, Instagram didn’t exist yet.

Pinterest hadn’t been created yet. Facebook business [00:13:00] pages weren’t. I remember when Facebook business pages were created and we were all like, wait, let’s try this, right? So I, I didn’t even have all those options. Like I just had going into my office and getting sucked in the idea that like now you can literally start a business on your cell phone.

And then it seems so appealing to have this, what looks and is packaged like such time freedom. And yet if we’re not really careful with those boundaries, it just sucks us in. 

Andrea: Yeah, it’s just the opposite. 

Leah: It is. It’s like shocking. You, you don’t even realize what’s happening. And all of a sudden you look around and you’re like, why does this feel even worse?

Why do I feel chained? Why is my family feeling resentful around my business? What has happened? And another one of those boundaries that was so important for me, um, was right when my kids got home, putting my phone away. And again, It cannot be on my person. [00:14:00] Like, if it is on me, right? I, it’s too much of a temptation.

It just is. And so I would literally put it in a drawer, close the drawer on silent mode. Right? Like so that I do not know if anything had happened. And I just made myself promise that especially for that first hour, when they got home from school, I was not going to look at my phone so that I could be all in and asking about their day and making snacks and, you know, sitting down with them and helping them get the homework going or whatever, you know, needed to happen.

And, um, and yeah, I had to literally put restrictions on myself to, to not fall into those traps. So I love that we’re talking about that. 

Andrea: I mean, I think most people do. I think it’s rare the person that doesn’t because this technology is developed. Designed to keep us addicted and hooked and connected.

And if you feel like, you know, I’m running my business off this, then [00:15:00] it’s just adds to it. Right. So, I mean, they 

Leah: are putting some of the most brilliant creative minds paid the most impressive salaries and bonus structures, all based on how long they can keep us in their apps. And so. I think we need to, number one, maybe not beat ourselves up so bad when it works, because guess what?

They put a lot of research and time and money into figuring out how to keep us there. But then number two, We need to counteract, right? Like we need to figure out, okay, well, what’s my defense move? And you know, that has been things like literally shutting my computer down, putting my phone in a drawer, using airplane all the time, airplane mode all the time.

Now we have focus mode, which is really nice. But I mean, I can’t tell you how often, I mean, there’s cons to all this, right? Like, I’m just going to admit that. Do you know how often I miss important phone calls? A lot. Because my phone stays in focus mode. [00:16:00] Almost all day, every day. I literally saw two voicemails today and I’m like, Oh shoot, that’s two doctor’s offices where the referral finally came through trying to make an appointment for one of the kids and I missed it because it was on focus mode.

So yes, like things like that happen, but in the grand scheme, I’m okay missing. You know, making that doctor’s appointment last week when they called. I still haven’t called back. Um, and you know, like, okay, we’re going to be out a little bit longer over missing out on the relationships with my kids because mom’s so easily distracted.

Andrea: Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I love that. So 

Leah: is there any other systems that you have in place that you have found have really helped you, especially around social media? Because yes, I mean, I’ve, I’ve had the same, [00:17:00] I think probably a very similar outlook to you. As you maybe have where I’m like, Hey, I’m not going to have the biggest Instagram account, especially as my kids were little, like minor, you know, I now have a college and two high school.

They’re older, they’re gone a lot. I do have more time. So it’s like finally the time where I’m like, maybe it’s time to work on those reels more. But for years I didn’t, I worked on my email list. That’s always been, you know, massively larger than my social media because I just couldn’t, I couldn’t, it is more important, but I couldn’t give the energy to the social media like they’re, you know, they’re, there’s checks and balances, the trade off wasn’t worth it to me.

Um, but for so many, their business is run through social media. You know, we, we are watching these strategies and we’re like, I want to try this. I want to make the reels. I want to do all the things. Um, and, and you do have a great social media presence. And like I said, I was doing a deep dive. I was learning really amazing things from you and taking notes.

And I loved it. Um, but [00:18:00] as far as behind the scenes for you, what does it look like for creating the content, scheduling the content? Like, are you batching a lot? Are you time blocking? Are you, um, just, yeah. How, how are you doing? social media and trying to keep it in balance. 

Andrea: Yeah. Well, I will start with saying I have a little sticky note right here. Uh, by my office, by my laptop, and it says IG is your classroom. And so I would say that is the very first step is to pick a thought, find a thought that is productive and helpful for you to help you manage your time wisely.

Because again, it can be easy for me to be anxious and just like upset and annoyed by social media. But if I think, okay, this is my classroom. This is my place to help people, uh, then that’s good. And I don’t live in my classroom, right? Like I, I visit my classroom and I’m, and this is all works for me [00:19:00] because I used, I taught school before I stayed home with my kids.

Right. So for someone else, some other analogy might work better, but just, yeah. Thinking about, okay, well, what’s my mindset? Really, I’ve, I’ve pretty much, I’ve tried to do batch content. I haven’t ever really been super productive with that. I’m definitely not as consistent as a lot of people are and I think had, have I been, I probably would be, have a bigger social media presence than I do for as long as I’ve been at it.

But it’s just been, again, important for me to do it in a way that felt right. True to my values and and I guess other things I had going on and I like having opportunities to do podcasts and like earlier today I did I taught a live presentation and I like those kind of interactions more than I do Social media and so it naturally that is gonna take some time away from from [00:20:00] creating content but I think definitely just figuring out, um, what, what works best for you.

And then I think I kind of have seasons where I put more into it than other times. And I think that works too, where, especially in the summer, I do way less and I’ve stepped away from social media. I stepped away one summer for an entire two months, like completely, and most other summers I’ve stepped away at least for three weeks.

That’s a pretty standard for me, and I know that, that can feel scary, especially as, you know, your account gets bigger, but I’ve never regretted it. And, you know, I’ve always lost like a few followers, but not a ton, and then you just, you know, You know, it takes me a few weeks to get back into it, to want to do it again, but I find I force myself through it the first few weeks and then it starts to feel like, oh yeah, there are people here that I do enjoy connection with and who have followed me for a [00:21:00] long time and there are new parents that are looking for help and, and so I think just the mindset alone.

is it’s something I’m always working on, but I think that can be helpful. And then, yeah, I know there’s lots of strategies as far as like, um, batching and, you know, creating the content. And honestly, I’m not a good one to ask for that because I’ve been very organic in my approach. 

Leah: I, I love that. And I love that openness.

I can tell everybody I am a big batcher. I’m batching b roll and then I’m Batching like content ideas that are just in notes. And then I’m batching. I even have it down to the main copy. Um, I’ve written out several that are similar and I can adjust them. Then I use, um, uh, app called Boards, which creates a secondary keyboard.

And so it’s all pre written out, like all my hashtags, all my links, um, the bulk of my copy even, and then I can just make minor shifts, but like, just [00:22:00] pop it out way quicker. And, and, um. I love that. And so, so yeah, so I’ve been working towards, I am, which I mean, I love systems, everything, everything with me is like, how can I systemize this?

And I have courses and all of that in our, um, in our private membership where I walk through how I do all that. And I’ve been really ramping up working on the consistency, but for years, I just, I just didn’t like, I, you know, we have, we can’t, we can’t be everywhere. And we do have to make choices. And I love people getting to hear you say, I actually step away and I step away in the summer and you know what?

It’s okay. Like that is okay. Because I think even just, being given permission to do that feels very, it feels, I think, simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating at the same time for 

Andrea: people. Well, and I’ll add one more that might feel more feasible for people listening too. I actually do take a break [00:23:00] every Sunday.

So the, again, I’ve done this for over five years. But I, I take what I call a social media sabbatical every, every Sunday. And it actually usually starts about Saturday night. So Saturday night is date night for my husband and I. And I have learned to leave my phone at home on date night. The only time I take it is if we’re like going skiing or hiking or something more high adventure where There is a possibility one of us could get injured or something, but if we’re just like going out to dinner or whatever I always leave my phone at home and that kind of is almost like this ritual beginning of my social media sabbatical.

It kind of starts Saturday night with connecting with my husband, and then it runs through Sunday, and I used to have to take the Instagram app off my phone, you know, remove it from the home screen, but I don’t anymore. It’s become habit, and it’s become just ingrained in, [00:24:00] in part of that just, It’s time with my family and worshiping on Sunday and I think it could be any day of the week, but I think having a day where you take a break and a step for away from, especially for many addictive type tech, you know, but I think for most of us and for your listeners, all women, for most of us, it’s social media, but taking that step away, it’s really, it’s really healthy.

And so that’s something else that I’ve done that I recommend. People try out anyway, we can go on your experiment, right? 

Leah: Yes. I love that. And again, I love how you shared In the beginning, you literally had to remove the app, and over time, you don’t have to do that. And I just, again, I feel like, just helping us all as women know, like, hey, you are not broken.

You are not worse than anybody else. Like, we’re all trying to navigate and figure this out. And if in the beginning, you have [00:25:00] to completely power down your computer, or take the app completely off your phone, it really is amazing how over time, We’re going to replace the current habits that we’re looking at and saying, you know what?

I don’t like this. I don’t like how it makes me feel. I don’t like what it’s doing to my relationships. And we can shift to where it isn’t a problem. You know, you said five years later, I don’t have to do that. That’s not even, it’s, it’s not a temptation, but it was in the beginning. And I love that you just put in the protection method so that you didn’t get sucked in.

I love that. 

Andrea: Yeah, and I think, you know, it, whatever your break looks like, you know, it might look different for everyone, but just being intentional. And I liked your, I love your idea of powering down the computer. I know I followed Michael Hyatt for a long time. He’s a business leader, and, um, he actually has his lights on.

Turn off in his [00:26:00] office. Yes, that’s right. Yeah, so I’m like, oh, that would be cool But you know, I don’t have a separate office. It’s like our music Entire 

Leah: house just shuts off, right? 

Andrea: Right, but if you had an office and you wanted to set up like all that stuff’s So easily available now because of technology you could power down your lights and you can Um, we also have a great router that we use a griffin router and it the wi fi shuts off at 10 30 And that’s for our kids and for us and like across my screen.

It will just say it’s bedtime So, you know my goal is always to be off way before that But if I ever have do have a night where i’m up late trying to do some last minute work thing That’s helpful 

Leah: I love that. Oh, Andrea, this has been so amazing, so much fun. Thank you so much for sharing all your wisdom and in no irony whatsoever, tell everyone where they can find you.

Andrea: Yes, [00:27:00] thank you. So our website is BetterScreenTime. com and I am on Facebook and Instagram, but mostly Instagram at BetterScreenTime. 

Leah: And she has some real, I was going through all your story highlights and just like reading, I mean, just some really, really great resources there, you guys. And, uh, you did a free training a while back.

I’m assuming maybe that comes back every once in a while. That was so good. And so I would highly encourage, um, everyone who’s listening to this conversation and thinking, yes, I want, I want more tips. I want more ideas. I want to have this conversation. Even just having it keep showing up like, Oh yeah, how am I doing?

Um, definitely go follow Andrea. We’ll have the links right below, um, whatever platform you’re on. Just go down below or in the show notes as well. Thank you so much. This has been amazing. I’m so excited for everyone to get to hear this and, uh, just for the reminders for myself too. So good. So [00:28:00] thank you.

Andrea: Thank you, Leah. It was my pleasure. 

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