Leah: [00:00:00] I’ve put myself out there. I’ve done things where I look back and I’m like, how did I have the audacity to think that I could do that? And maybe it was, I was naive enough. I’m not sure, but it’s beautiful. It’s amazing. I love it. But then there’s other times where I’m looking and I’m saying, man, I got that wrong because I was focused on what really didn’t matter in the grand scheme. I’m taking a bit of a different approach to the typical new year, new me, [00:01:00] resolutions, how to set goals, all of that. And we are talking about regrets and resolutions, but I believe that in talking about regrets before we make them, or maybe in the middle where we can still change and fix them, I really think it can make all the difference.

Leah: So I am starting to have moments where I am saying things like 20 years ago, and that feels bananas. I mean, I remember being a kid and a young adult and hearing other people say things like 20 or 30 years ago, and that just sounded amazing. So old, so far away. And now I have in the last few weeks been talking about several different things where I’m like, yeah, that was like, and it seems like it should have only been a few years and then I’m doing the math and it’s 25 years ago.

Leah: I mean, it’s just some crazy number that does not seem possible and yet somehow it is. All right. I’m going to full circle to that at the end of this [00:02:00] episode. But I want to share a quote with you from Dieter F. Uchtdorf. And he said, when we are young, it seems that we will live forever. We think there is a limitless supply of sunrises waiting just beyond the horizon.

Leah: And the future looks to us like an unbroken road stretching endlessly before us. However, the older we get, the more we tend to look back and marvel at how short the road really is. Isn’t that just poetic and beautiful? Another thing I’ve heard that is not poetic or beautiful is that I don’t believe in regret.

Leah: And I’ve heard a lot of people say that. And it sounds good. In fact, I think I’ve even said those words myself. I mean, it just sounds so like comfortable and squishy and soft, right? Like this idea that any screw up is going to work out okay, that we don’t need to even think about regret. We don’t need to feel regret.

Leah: And I’ve realized I don’t agree with that. I do believe in regret. Okay. I think regret [00:03:00] is real and I want to be aware of it. I want to acknowledge it. I want to recognize it because I think that we also have opportunities to learn and grow from our mistakes. Thankfully, it’s The same feelings I have around guilt, so I don’t think guilt is a bad thing because guilt can help me course correct.

Leah: It allows me to realize, wait, I’m not doing something. I’m not acting in alignment with who I’m really am and therefore I need to make an adjustment. And I think the same thing with regret. We didn’t live up to who we truly are. We didn’t show up as we were truly meant to. And so there’s this regret. So if we learn from it, then it can be a great tool.

Leah: But if we don’t change, that’s actually when real regret kicks in. And I think it’s really worth acknowledging that often it’s not even our choices. Maybe it’s not you who made that choice. But it [00:04:00] was someone else in your life and you have to live with the decisions and you feel that regret, even if they don’t, we end up regretting their choices because we can’t help but wonder what could have been.

Leah: So that led me to asking, okay, well then what is regret? And in my mind regret is simply wondering what could have been if a better way had been chosen. Okay, that’s, that is my definition of regret.

Leah: And that’s why I’m excited to have this conversation right now, because we don’t have to wait till our deathbeds to figure out what matters most. In the rush of life, it is so easy to focus on what’s urgent instead of what’s important. But if we’re not careful, we end up looking back, realizing that the things we wanted most We’re drowned out by noise.

Leah: And that’s why I talk about busyness so much and why I talk about balancing the busy and Finding that right [00:05:00] combination that feels good because I know what it feels like to have the RETs. I’m going to share some very real ones in this episode. And I know it’s possible to remedy them and that’s a gift.

Leah: So this entire conversation that you and I are having today really stems from two people, neither of which are me. The first is a care nurse who she spent years caring for patients in the last stages of their life.

Leah: So day after day, she’s at their bedside. She’s offering comfort. She’s listening to their reflections and out of curiosity and a desire to just learn from their experiences, she began asking A simple, yet I feel like pretty gutsy question, she started asking, do you have any regrets? Now, the answers over these years, among all kinds of different people at different ages, even some are old, but some are not.

Leah: But the answers were strikingly similar and there became these patterns that emerge and it’s regardless of age or background or circumstance. These were people at the end [00:06:00] of their journey. They’re looking back and they have a clarity that we just don’t have when we’re in the thick of it. Their time had become very short.

Leah: And their regrets, no surprise, had nothing to do with money or positions or accolades. Instead, they revealed deep and universal truths about what really matters. So these are what her patients shared as the top five regrets over those years of asking this question, do you have any regrets? I wish I wouldn’t have worked so hard.

Leah: I wish I had stayed true to myself. I wish I had let myself be happier. I wish I had kept in touch with my friends. I wish I had lived a life true to my dreams, not what others expected of me. As I consider these, I cannot help but feel the connection [00:07:00] to these regrets and being a very, very busy. mom, whether you are an incredibly busy mom, a working mom, an entrepreneurial mom, feeling like you can, you can see very personally, I can see very personally how these happened.

Leah: So based on her question and these answers that she found, and then an incredibly inspiring talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf, I will have both. linked in the show notes because she has a book about this and I’ll link to Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s talk. I’m taking ideas and bringing this all together with my spin on it.

Leah: So, let’s start with the first one. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. I can understand this one very personally and it’s something that I worked to change dramatically about years ago now, but before I made those changes, I was setting myself up [00:08:00] for a lot of regret and I’ve shared a lot of those stories, but I’m gonna share a part of it that is still very, very tender for me and, uh, I don’t share as often.

Leah: So. In our house, my office was kitty corner to the master bedroom. I mean, this house is so long ago. We have moved so many times. It was our last rental, actually. It’s the house before I was able to buy a Christmas tree farm. But in this house, the, my office was kitty corner to the master bedroom. So while I’m working, I can look over my shoulder behind me and I have a perfect view into the master bedroom at our bed.

Leah: And every night I’d get the kids to bed, you know, close to 8 p. m. as I possibly can, and Taylor would say, do you want to watch a movie? Do you want to watch a show? And, and he’d want to spend time with me. And each night I would say yes. And then I would tell him that I just needed to finish something in the office.

Leah: And it [00:09:00] always felt so urgent. Like there was always someone who I needed to respond to. I needed to get that uploaded and sent off. I needed to take care of that thing because I’d been trying to get things done all day and it had been so hard because, you know, the kids, and life, and he was in graduate school, and a million other reasons.

Leah: I mean, they were real reasons. And so I would run into my office to finish. That thing and I would look over my shoulder every little bit and be like, oh good He’s still awake and he’d be laying in bed He’d be reading a book or an article or watching ESPN or whatever it is, right? And I’d look over and there he is and I would keep working I’d be like, oh, I really need to do this too.

Leah: And I get one more thing done and I’d look back Oh good. He’s still awake. I one more thing look back. Oh good, and eventually every time I would look back and the room would be dark and he was no longer sitting up he’d fallen asleep and And Then I’d be like, Oh, I’d feel all the guilt, right? I feel that guilt that was trying to course correct me.

Leah: But then I’m like, well, dang it, I messed up. I might as well just get more [00:10:00] done. And then I would work and work and work. And I would work till four or 5 a. m. Well, this happened over and over and over. And. One night, once again, I’m doing my normal pattern. I’m saying yes, even though I’m in a finished work and I’m probably never going to show up.

Leah: And I keep looking over my shoulder and finally the room has gone dark and he has fallen asleep. And the thought came to me, what if he stopped waiting for you? And it just didn’t work. gutted me because the honest truth is I would be devastated. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. And I wasn’t showing that I wasn’t making it so that he felt that way.

Leah: So this idea, I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. I’m like, Oh, I am, I am connected with that intimately. I get it [00:11:00] and I needed to make big changes and I’m so grateful that I could caught on that I had that moment that just gut punched me that said, what if he stopped waiting? Would you want to wait for you?

Leah: And I realized no. And I made those changes. So I want to make sure as we’re talking about these things that I’m also like, here’s the practical side. So if you’re like, okay, well, what did you change? I started building automations. Then systems. So automations, anything that like technology can help do for me.

Leah: Then systems, checklists and frameworks that I didn’t have to second guess. I didn’t have to figure things out. Things just boom, boom, boom, go through the line. Then Bobs. Bobs are my own personal term. If you’re in the corporate world or if you ever have been, you are familiar with the term SOP, so standard operating procedures.

Leah: Bobs is my version and it’s a best operation breakdown. And so I create Bobs for all the major tasks in my business. My Pinterest and my podcast and my blog and my newsletters and all these things that happen all the time. There is a Bob where [00:12:00] you can go through and you can see every single step of exactly what’s supposed to happen, how we make it the absolute best, how we leverage it to the utmost.

Leah: There’s even loom videos that show exactly how to do things. There’s links to the scripts or to the, um, templates that I’ve designed for him. Like it’s all there. So I used Bob’s and then because I had all those things, Then I could outsource. I could hire someone to help me. So those are the things that I did.

Leah: By the way, this is what Mom Business Academy is. So just, if you’re like, if you’re hearing that and you’re like, Oh my gosh, I want that in my business, I want to have the areas of my business each be automated and systemized and have a bob and eventually, you know, save myself tons of time, but then outsource if I wanted to.

Leah: MomBusinessAcademy is me breaking down every single area of my business and what can translate to your business and exactly how I did that. If that is something that you’re like, wait, what? That is an option? Send me an email. We can set up a time to chat and we can make sure it’s [00:13:00] the right fit for you.

Leah: All right. So the next one, I wish I had stayed true to myself. This one is interesting because I think the natural inclination is to go Inward about like me me me, but and at least it’s my natural inclination Maybe you guys are all just way better than me But that’s my natural inclination and when I really figured out what it truly meant for me to stay true to myself it was eight years ago when we were on our travel year. So we took one year with our three kids when they were a lot littler and we traveled the world and we spent about four to six weeks in each country. And it was amazing. I mean, it was absolutely, it was incredible as you think it was.

Leah: It was, but I also thought I was going to have this eat, pray, love moment where everything was going to become crystal clear. I was going to know exactly what my next stage was, exactly what I was supposed to do with my life. Where I was going and the big dreams I was going to fulfill [00:14:00] and all these things.

Leah: And we were getting to the end of the trip. We were in our last country, which was Bali. We only had maximum two weeks left, maybe even we were down to a week. And I had not had the eat, pray, love moment. So I’m starting to freak out because I’m like, Oh my gosh, what am I supposed to be doing? What, what do I do next?

Leah: Where does my company go? Where do all these things go? And I was really getting frustrated that I hadn’t figured it out yet. And so I’m in the bathtub. We did not have a shower. We just had a bathtub. So I’m in the bathtub and I’m thinking about all this. Like, it’s just been, it’s been on my mind so heavy for so long.

Leah: And I’m thinking about all of it. And this question comes to my mind, who am I really? Like when it all strips away, who am I? And it was so instant. It was so fast. And it was, I am mother. And when I realized that. It allowed me to get that perspective and change the way I was seeing everything. So when I hear this question, I wish I had stayed true to myself.[00:15:00] 

Leah: My greatest role is as a mom and a wife, clearly. Right. But like, if I’m focused on my home, if I’m being a great mom and a great wife, everything else is going to be okay. And so when I think about, like, I wish I had stayed true to myself, I think about it. My true self is as a mother. And so how do I make sure that I’m protecting that role?

Leah: I have screen free time, right? I have times where I I don’t want any screens happening so that we can really connect. I have tech free zones. The dinner table is not a place where anybody is going to have a cell phone or when we’re out to eat or anything like that, unless we’re literally every once in a while, like we’re looking at our phones cause we’re showing each other something and engaging, right?

Leah: But that is like almost never. We are connecting. I set work hours. That was huge for me. And it was really hard at first. I mean, I’m, I’m not going to lie, it was, it was tricky because I had to undo a whole lot of really bad [00:16:00] habits, but creating work hours was huge. Being able to put these things in place, though, they made such a difference.

Leah: And then, I have a daily planner. that I designed myself. And I use it as a notepad because I like to write for the day and then I rip it off and move on to the next day. And there is a question that I have added on my daily planner that I’ve been using for years. It’s from Viktor Frankl. And the question is, if this was the second time I was living today, what would I do differently?

Leah: I use that question for everything. Clearly I use it, you know, in my daily planning, but I I use it like Christmas morning and I’m waking up. I’m like, Hey, if you were doing this day over, how would you do it differently? When I’m getting into summer vacation. Okay. If you could do summer break over, how would you do it differently?

Leah: When we are stepping on a plane to go on vacation, okay, if you could do this vacation, how would you do it differently? And it always brings me back to my true self. It brings me back to what matters most, which I’m so easily, I’m so [00:17:00] easily distracted and brought into what really doesn’t matter, but feels like it should be a good idea.

Leah: Often for me, it’s completely around urgency and efficiency. I tend to get way too excited about being. Um, things being efficient and me getting through things as fast as possible. And it gets me in trouble. I was actually having a conversation with someone the other day and they were saying, yeah, I noticed that you have all white dishes and I’m like, oh yeah, that’s because I break so many of them.

Leah: And so it just is so much easier to have all white dishes that are really easy to replace because I, I do things so quickly, like I’m cleaning the kitchen so fast that I tend to break dishes quite often. So this idea of slowing down, of asking myself, So, if this was the second time I was living today, what would I do differently?

Leah: Or the second time we were going on this vacation, or we were having this holiday, or we were seeing the in laws, or I was showing up for this meeting, or this presentation, or literally anything. It just roots me. Okay, number three. I wish I had let myself be [00:18:00] happier. I love that this one is there. . I have to say that this it, it just makes me happy.

Leah: Happiness makes me happy because happiness is a choice. It is a decision, and it’s one that I made a really, really long time ago that I was going to be happy. I realized that happiness has nothing to do with circumstances and everything to do with our choice to be happy. Like you have to wake up in the morning and say.

Leah: You know what? I’m going to be happy today, and then we can be, we can be happy, we can have a great day. If we’re waiting for outside influences and experiences to determine if we are happy or not happy, it’s going to be a pretty bismal lifetime. But when we choose happiness, it’s amazing what happens. And I’ll tell you, I have been accused of being too happy.

Leah: Um, more than once actually, which I find to be the greatest compliment ever because it just means they don’t know [00:19:00] me well enough because what they’re implying is that, well, you just have it so good. Life is easy and that’s why you’re so happy. And I vehemently disagree with the idea that happiness is our circumstances.

Leah: Happiness is a choice and it’s obvious that they don’t know me because. They have no idea how I grew up and what I experienced and went through and how much I have the right to be a victim, play that victim card. And I, I don’t, I choose not to, I choose to be happy. And I was even choosing to be happy back then, not as well.

Leah: I’m getting better with age. Yeah. But this idea that happiness is a choice, it’s so empowering. So when I think about like having this regret of, I wish I would have let myself be happier, they, they really do mean let myself, they figured out. [00:20:00] It wasn’t about anything outside of me. It was about me choosing it.

Leah: And we get to make that choice. So my favorite things that bring me greater happiness, like that helped me stay happier is number one, consciously choosing to be happy and being around happy people. Like if I consciously choose to be happy, Happy people are positive. They don’t complain. They don’t look for everything that’s wrong.

Leah: They look for the good. So that’s the first step. Like, I have to consciously choose to be happy everyday. And I have to choose to look for the good. I genuinely believe they’re both there. The bad is there and the good is there. If we look for the good, it will magnify. We will find more. If we look for the bad, it will magnify.

Leah: We will find more. I have to set my intention and say, I am a happy person, therefore I am positive, therefore I don’t complain. I look for the good. And some days I mess up, right? Some days I don’t do that. And I’m like, gosh, that was a lousy Eeyore day. And it’s like, well, because I didn’t, I didn’t [00:21:00] choose happy.

Leah: Number two, surrounding ourselves with happy things and happy people. When I’m choosing a book or a movie or a show, I look for funny. I look for uplifting. I look for happy stories. I purposefully keep myself away from things that are really, really negative. The news is something that I’m pretty careful about because there’s so much intention to spread fear and make everything feel so catastrophized.

Leah: And I’m like, no. I know that there is good out there too, but if all I’m seeing is all the negative, yeah, I’m going to think that the world is burning up. But if I’m looking for the good, then I’m going to realize there’s hope also. Like both can be true, but the one I focus on is the one that more is going to be created of.

Leah: And then my third thing is a gratitude journal. This has been one of the simplest, most powerful ways for me to stay happy and positive is through gratitude. It’s just every day writing down three things I’m grateful for. It’s just a small journal. I usually fit two days on a page [00:22:00] and it’s like, I am grateful for, I make myself write it out every day.

Leah: I am grateful for, and then one, two, three, and it’s so beautiful to be able to reflect and look back on it as well. So I feel like those are three. Pretty quick things. Maybe they’re not easy, but they’re quick to implement and they really do make all the difference. Okay, number four was I wish I had kept in touch with my friends.

Leah: And again, this brings me back to if we’re not intentional, if we’re allowing ourselves to be so busy, to be so chaotic, to be so overscheduled, then how do you make time for the lunch date? How does that happen? Those relationships, the people who matter most, our family, our friends, they only grow if we nurture them.

Leah: And they’re going to die off if we don’t. I had such a fun lunch date with my girlfriends yesterday. It was so much fun. So much fun. And I’m so grateful for that. And it’s because I made the time. We do an annual [00:23:00] trip with some other friends where we all live in different states now, but every season we get together and we ski in park city for a weekend and it’s just so much fun.

Leah: I send out Christmas cards so that I can try to connect more, but really, I think the most important key is about true. Connection, which is hearing each other’s voices even better when we actually get to see each other’s faces. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, , another thing I thought was so beautiful that he shared is, in our day, it is easy to merely pretend to spend time with others. With the click of a mouse, we can connect with thousands of friends, he says, friends in quotes, without ever having to face a single one of them. Let us resolve to cherish those we love by spending meaningful time with them, doing things together and cultivating treasured memories.

Leah: I think about all the times when, you know, we’re in the same room with people, but we’re not actually together. You see it at restaurants all the time. Everyone at the table is on a phone. Or it’s depicted in every TV and movie that the [00:24:00] norm is that kids can’t be pulled away from their phones. And I’m like, hold on.

Leah: That does not need to be our norm. We do not need to follow Hollywood’s version of how families are. You know, I just think about the importance of truly connecting. Truly connecting. Talking with one another, seeing one another, seeing them. We have to look up. We have to be able to look up to see each other.

Leah: So, okay, let’s go to number five. I wish I had lived a life true to my dreams, not what others expected of me. I really like Uchtdorf’s take on this. That what he feels like they were saying is wishing that they had lived up to their potential and I like looking at it from both Angles, I like looking at it as like a life where you went after your dreams You took the chance you took that risk, but also where you lived up to your potential of who you truly are He pointed out that our mind instantly goes to careers and accolades and I’ll admit that is what mine went to But that what matters [00:25:00] most to the dying is not those things.

Leah: We’ve all heard that line before, right? Like, no one on their deathbed ever wished that they’d spent more time in the office.

Leah: Uchtdorf said, why do we devote so much of our time and energy to things that are so fleeting? So inconsequential and so superficial. Do we refuse to see the folly in the pursuit of the trivial and the transient? And I’ve definitely made that mistake. I’ve, jumped after some dream, some idea that seemed so glamorous, seemed so exciting, but it wasn’t actually in alignment with my purpose and who I truly am.

Leah: So as I think about looking at this from both angles, part of it is living up to our potential and meaning that we’re taking those risks, that we’re being willing to be stretched and that we’re evolving all the time. We can’t. Reach our potential or go after the dream if we’re not willing to be incredibly uncomfortable.

Leah: I think in some ways I’ve done really well at [00:26:00] this. I’ve put myself out there. I’ve done things where I look back and I’m like, how did I have the audacity to think that I could do that? And maybe it was, I was naive enough. I’m not sure, but it’s beautiful. It’s amazing. I love it. But then there’s other times where I’m looking and I’m saying, man, I got that wrong because I was focused on what really didn’t matter in the grand scheme.

Leah: To anyone who’s an entrepreneur, I feel like, you know, we naturally are going on the path that is, to anyone who is an entrepreneur, I feel like we’re naturally going on the path others did not expect for us or want for us. But it’s also about being willing to do the things that at our core, we know align with what matters most, with our values.

Leah: And that doesn’t always make sense to everybody else. Yeah. My decision to not be on social media for my business, it feels like one of those decisions that at my core I know is right for me, but it goes against what [00:27:00] every expert tells us. They say like you have to have your business on social media. You have to be posting and creating content.

Leah: And if it’s not working, keep trying. Like this is where you need to be. And making that decision, looking at the analytics, but also thinking about how it made me feel and how much time and energy it took and recognizing I want to do it a different way. I’m going to build my business. I’m going to do it without social media and I can see exactly how I can do it because I’m looking at my numbers and I’m recognizing social media is not putting a drop in the bucket and I can see exactly what it is and I can double down there.

Leah: And as I’ve done that and seen the changes, and it’s felt so incredible, and then started creating my program, which I’m so excited to get out to you, and which will be my signature course, I’m actually realizing, By the time you hear this, will it be out? I guess I’m not entirely positive. But right now, I’m in the stages of designing it.

Leah: And as [00:28:00] I’m designing it, I am not doing it in the typical way. I am not doing it in the normal, you watch the video, then you’re going to fill out the worksheet. There’s going to be a lot of questions that you’re not quite sure about. And you’re going to have to second guess. And you’re going to sit there and be like, am I doing it right?

Leah: I am. I’m building the course that I would want. And so it is coming with the trainings of course, and chat GPT prompts to help you design everything really, really fast and quick and not get stuck second guessing. If you picked the right things, I’m designing it with calculations so that you know exactly how many you need and where to put them and how you’re going to build out your marketing strategy.

Leah: I’m building the course that I want and it’s different from everybody else. It’s not the expectation. But it’s making me so excited and so proud of what this is going to be. And it’s funny because I’m calling it antisocial, right? My antisocial marketing plan, but I’m not actually antisocial media. I think social media does an [00:29:00] incredible job to connect us.

Leah: I just want to be really intentional in all areas of my life and how I use things and look at how they affect me and how much time they take and, and all those different areas.

Leah: So Dieter F. Uchtdorf, in talking about our potential, he said, if we’re taking a dragging our feet, staring at our watch, complaining as we go approach, and I just love that call out. I love thinking about like, yeah, how am I doing as I’m dragging my feet? Thinking about reaching my potential, going for my dreams, taking the risk.

Leah: Am I dragging my feet? Am I staring at the watch? Am I complaining nonstop as I go? Am I looking for every reason it won’t work or am I taking those leaps of faith? Am I pushing myself? Am I stretching myself? Am I getting uncomfortable? Am I looking at a problem? And yeah, it’s, it’s a head scratcher, but believing that I can figure it out and I can solve it.

Leah: Now let’s flip and talk about the resolutions for just a minute. [00:30:00] Really, the most important resolution we can make is to live on purpose. Dieter Fuchdorf said, one day we will look back at our lives and wonder if we could have been better, made better decisions or used our time more wisely. To avoid some of the deepest regrets of life, it would be wise to make some resolutions today.

Leah: Therefore, let us resolve to spend more time with those we love. Resolve to strive more earnestly to become the person God wants us to be. Resolve to find happiness regardless of our circumstances.

Leah: So how do you and I keep all of these things that we’re thinking about right now as podcast episode? That inspired us in the moment, but then you accidentally forget about I’ve done it. We’ve all done it. My favorite trick is that I set a custom alarm in my phone. It’s silent. I give it a custom name, something that will trigger my attention.

Leah: For years at 4 p. m. Every day, a silent alarm goes off on my phone that [00:31:00] says, Am I being fully present? There are things that are good and there are things that are better and there are things that are best. . If we use that as a litmus test, when we are deciding how we show up, where we spend our time. What we say yes to and what we say no to. I think that we can feel really good in another 25 years about how we’ve lived. Thank you so much for being part of this episode. I love having these conversations. I love talking about. These different ideas on how we can live a more full, more balanced, more bliss filled life with a whole lot of happiness.

Leah: And I am just so grateful that you are part of this with me. If you have ideas, if you have thoughts, I want to hear them. Send me an email. Tell me what you thought about this episode. And if you absolutely loved it, I’m going to ask you to do two things. Number one, share it with someone where you two can talk about it together because when we talk about things, it just makes it so much more [00:32:00] powerful.

Leah: And number two, In the app, if you’re in Apple, if you are in Audible, pop down and leave a quick five star review and give just one sentence about why you love the podcast. It means the world to me. Okay, that’s it. I am so excited for this new year. I can’t wait to see how it goes for all of us. And I believe that if we are more intentional about our intentions, about being purpose driven, it can be an incredible year.

Leah: See you next week. 

Hide Transcript