[00:00:00] I want to have a conversation about guilt versus shame, because while I believe one can actually be valuable and helpful, the other diminishes who we are. And how incredible we are. So let’s jump into this conversation. I think it really is so critical in the conversation about balancing busy because having to say yes and no to different things, it elicits emotion.

[00:00:58] Leah: And a lot of times we feel shameful or we feel guilty. And the honest truth is shame never serves us, but I actually believe guilt can serve us, maybe not all the time. But some of the time so I want to explain my theory on guilt versus shame It’s a little bit different than how a lot of people talk about it But it really has made a huge difference for me the way that I look at guilt maybe not a hundred percent of the time but a lot of the time is that Guilt helps me course correct.

[00:01:32] Leah: It acts as a compass for me. Guilt says I’m better than this. So I’m feeling guilty because deep down I know this isn’t who I am. I can do better. I should do better. I want to do and be better. That’s guilt. Shame says, I’m not deserving. I’m not good enough. That I’ll never be enough. Shame tells me there’s no point because I am lacking.

[00:02:00] Leah: Guilt tells me I didn’t show up as I should have because I am more than how I showed up. So if we’re talking about or thinking about abundance and scarcity, guilt Guilt is more on the line of abundance because guilt helps me recognize I’m better than this. I am more abundant than this. Shame tells me I am not enough.

[00:02:28] Leah: I won’t ever be enough. And so it’s in that scarcity. Guilt points me towards correction where shame makes me want to hide. I use guilt as a compass. If I’m having feelings and I’m thinking, Oh, I should be spending more time with the kids.

[00:02:47] Leah: That’s probably true. I’m feeling guilty because I’m not showing up the way I know I should. The way I know matters most. So I want to use that and I want to adjust. But shame says you’re not a good mom. Okay, that’s not true. I’m doing my best. Am I perfect? No, but am I doing my best? Have I lately, maybe in this scenario, not been showing up as I feel like I meant to or should?

[00:03:18] Leah: Yeah, so guilt says step up. Shame says step out. As we think about this and have this conversation, I want to ask you to start identifying and looking for where the root of your feelings are. Is it rooted in guilt? In this idea that you want to course correct? That you want to shift a little bit because the compass isn’t pointing in the right direction?

[00:03:43] Leah: Or is it rooted in shame? That shame is wrong. You are valuable. You are worthy. You are important. And you are powerful beyond what you imagine. Beyond what you realize. Your potential is infinite. And shame We’ll try to hide that from you. Shame will try to get you to believe that you are not enough and that you will never be enough.

[00:04:15] Leah: That is scarcity. But in those moments when we realize, Dang it, I’m better than this. The challenge is then to make the changes that we need to be better than how we’ve been acting, than how we’ve been showing up. This has helped me. In every area of my life to recognize when guilt is acting as a compass and when I want to make changes,

[00:04:46] Leah: Guilt can be proactive where shame is destructive. When we use guilt. To help encourage us to be less selfish, to be more present, 

[00:04:59] Leah: to be more accountable. It serves us.

[00:05:04] If we’re going to balance the busy, we have to recognize The role that both guilt and shame are playing in our lives. We have to be willing to adjust what isn’t working. , guilt can help us navigate and recognize and course correct when things aren’t serving and working for us.

[00:05:22] Leah: That busyness will take over our lives if we are not super intentional, if we are not focused on balancing the busy, especially because things keep moving faster, the timeframe in which we are supposed to respond, in which we are supposed to answer, in which we are supposed to do, in which we are supposed to take action, it just keeps speeding up.

[00:05:42] Leah: So if we’re going to balance the busy, we have to be incredibly, incredibly intentional. We have to be sure about what we want and what we don’t want about who we are and who we’re not and guilt and shame. Both play a role in helping us to identify that guilt tells us that what we’re doing is wrong, that there is responsibility to our actions and that our actions are not aligning with who we really are.

[00:06:08] Leah: Shame, however, is this feeling of being embarrassed and inadequate. It’s this experience that triggers self loathing or a negative response that can cause us to feel inferior and Like we’re not good enough. And of course shame leads to lower self esteem and that is not going to help us to be the best version of ourselves.

[00:06:29] Leah: So as we’re looking at how we do this all just a little bit better, recognizing and looking at where our feelings, of inadequacy are coming from, is it guilt, is it shame, and how we can adjust it to best serve us is going to be powerful. Guilt and shame are both going to show up at different times.

[00:06:53] Leah: Guilt is a motivator to do better and to learn from our mistakes. While shame, it can have a detrimental effect on us and our ability to succeed. Knowing how to distinguish between the two and when we use them is an important factor in our personal growth. In balancing that busyness, in being able to feel like we are saying yes to the right things, no to the wrong things, and shifting and changing when things are not serving us, when we are not serving ourselves.

[00:07:28] Leah: This is the Balancing Busy Podcast, and I’m Leah Remillet, here to help. This is the Balancing Busy Podcast, and I’m Leah Remillet, here to help you do less, but better. This is a little bit different, and it’s short, and it’s sweet, but I hope it packs a powerful punch that helps you to realize and just reconsider how guilt can be a compass that course corrects and helps us to show up as we’re truly meant to be, and how shame is lying to you, that you are…

[00:07:58] Leah: You’re better than shame is telling you you are, that you are powerful enough to change what you don’t like, and that it all is about you taking ownership of your best life and going after it with just a zeal that no one’s going to want to get in the way and stop you. All right, that’s it for this episode.

[00:08:20] Leah: Thank you so much for joining in on this conversation.