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Guilt Vs. Shame: How To Let The Right One Win ( Ep 73)

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Welcome to today’s episode on ‘Guilt Vs. Shame: How To Let The Right One Win’. This topic is incredibly close to my heart, and I believe discussing the intricacies of guilt versus shame is essential as we strive for equilibrium in our bustling lives.

Our commitments, whether we say yes or no to them, bring forth strong emotions, and it’s crucial we grasp how they shape our decisions. Today, we’ll unravel my perspective on how these emotions can either be our ally or adversary in our pursuit of balance.

This episode will help:

👉 Work from home mama’s learn how to navigate these emotions effectively.

👉 Anyone discover how to harness guilt as a positive motivator and leave behind the destructive weight of shame.

👉 Anyone looking to gain a deeper understanding of how guilt and shame impact their decision-making processes. This episode provides valuable insights for personal development and self-awareness.

Understanding Guilt

Let’s start with guilt. In my view, guilt is a powerful tool for course correction. It acts as a compass, helping us realign with our values and aspirations when we veer off course. Guilt is that voice inside us saying, “I’m better than this,” and it urges us to strive for improvement. When we feel guilty, it’s a signal that we have the capacity to do better, to be better, and we should embrace that opportunity.

The Destructive Power of Shame

Now, let’s talk about shame. Shame is a destructive force that tells us we are not deserving, not good enough, and will never be enough. It fosters a belief in our inherent inadequacy and scarcity. Shame encourages us to hide from our true potential and power, leaving us trapped in negativity and self-doubt.

Guilt as a Compass in Abundance

I find it intriguing to draw a parallel between guilt and abundance. Guilt, I believe, aligns more closely with an abundance mindset. It reminds us that we are capable of more, that we have an abundance of potential, and that we can achieve better results. In contrast, shame keeps us stuck in a scarcity mentality, convincing us that we are not enough and will never be enough.

Guilt as Proactive and Shame as Destructive

Guilt is a proactive force that motivates us to be less selfish, more present, and more accountable. It encourages us to make positive changes and learn from our mistakes. In essence, guilt serves us by driving us toward self-improvement. On the other hand, shame is destructive, fostering self-loathing and negative responses that erode our self-esteem and hinder our success.

Balancing the Busy with Guilt and Shame

To truly balance the busy, we must recognize the roles that guilt and shame play in our lives. Guilt serves as a motivator for growth and positive change, while shame sabotages our self-esteem and progress. We need to be intentional about identifying the source of our feelings, whether it’s guilt prompting us to correct course or shame trying to hold us back.

In the fast-paced world we live in, where busyness threatens to overwhelm us, it’s crucial to harness the power of our emotions wisely. Guilt can be our ally, guiding us toward a more abundant and purposeful life. Meanwhile, we must reject shame for the destructive force it is.

As I always say, we must say yes to the right things, no to the wrong things, and be willing to shift and change when things aren’t serving us or when we are not serving ourselves. Embrace guilt as a compass that steers you toward your best self, and remember that you are better than shame would have you believe.

Thank you for joining me on the Balancing Busy Podcast.

Stay tuned for more episodes as we continue our journey to help you do less but better.

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[00:00:00] I want to have a conversation about guilt versus shame, because while I believe one can actually be valuable and helpful, the other diminishes who we are. And how incredible we are. So let’s jump into this conversation. I think it really is so critical in the conversation about balancing busy because having to say yes and no to different things, it elicits emotion.

[00:00:58] Leah: And a lot of times we feel shameful or we feel guilty. And the honest truth is shame never serves us, but I actually believe guilt can serve us, maybe not all the time. But some of the time so I want to explain my theory on guilt versus shame It’s a little bit different than how a lot of people talk about it But it really has made a huge difference for me the way that I look at guilt maybe not a hundred percent of the time but a lot of the time is that Guilt helps me course correct.

[00:01:32] Leah: It acts as a compass for me. Guilt says I’m better than this. So I’m feeling guilty because deep down I know this isn’t who I am. I can do better. I should do better. I want to do and be better. That’s guilt. Shame says, I’m not deserving. I’m not good enough. That I’ll never be enough. Shame tells me there’s no point because I am lacking.

[00:02:00] Leah: Guilt tells me I didn’t show up as I should have because I am more than how I showed up. So if we’re talking about or thinking about abundance and scarcity, guilt Guilt is more on the line of abundance because guilt helps me recognize I’m better than this. I am more abundant than this. Shame tells me I am not enough.

[00:02:28] Leah: I won’t ever be enough. And so it’s in that scarcity. Guilt points me towards correction where shame makes me want to hide. I use guilt as a compass. If I’m having feelings and I’m thinking, Oh, I should be spending more time with the kids.

[00:02:47] Leah: That’s probably true. I’m feeling guilty because I’m not showing up the way I know I should. The way I know matters most. So I want to use that and I want to adjust. But shame says you’re not a good mom. Okay, that’s not true. I’m doing my best. Am I perfect? No, but am I doing my best? Have I lately, maybe in this scenario, not been showing up as I feel like I meant to or should?

[00:03:18] Leah: Yeah, so guilt says step up. Shame says step out. As we think about this and have this conversation, I want to ask you to start identifying and looking for where the root of your feelings are. Is it rooted in guilt? In this idea that you want to course correct? That you want to shift a little bit because the compass isn’t pointing in the right direction?

[00:03:43] Leah: Or is it rooted in shame? That shame is wrong. You are valuable. You are worthy. You are important. And you are powerful beyond what you imagine. Beyond what you realize. Your potential is infinite. And shame We’ll try to hide that from you. Shame will try to get you to believe that you are not enough and that you will never be enough.

[00:04:15] Leah: That is scarcity. But in those moments when we realize, Dang it, I’m better than this. The challenge is then to make the changes that we need to be better than how we’ve been acting, than how we’ve been showing up. This has helped me. In every area of my life to recognize when guilt is acting as a compass and when I want to make changes,

[00:04:46] Leah: Guilt can be proactive where shame is destructive. When we use guilt. To help encourage us to be less selfish, to be more present, 

[00:04:59] Leah: to be more accountable. It serves us.

[00:05:04] If we’re going to balance the busy, we have to recognize The role that both guilt and shame are playing in our lives. We have to be willing to adjust what isn’t working. , guilt can help us navigate and recognize and course correct when things aren’t serving and working for us.

[00:05:22] Leah: That busyness will take over our lives if we are not super intentional, if we are not focused on balancing the busy, especially because things keep moving faster, the timeframe in which we are supposed to respond, in which we are supposed to answer, in which we are supposed to do, in which we are supposed to take action, it just keeps speeding up.

[00:05:42] Leah: So if we’re going to balance the busy, we have to be incredibly, incredibly intentional. We have to be sure about what we want and what we don’t want about who we are and who we’re not and guilt and shame. Both play a role in helping us to identify that guilt tells us that what we’re doing is wrong, that there is responsibility to our actions and that our actions are not aligning with who we really are.

[00:06:08] Leah: Shame, however, is this feeling of being embarrassed and inadequate. It’s this experience that triggers self loathing or a negative response that can cause us to feel inferior and Like we’re not good enough. And of course shame leads to lower self esteem and that is not going to help us to be the best version of ourselves.

[00:06:29] Leah: So as we’re looking at how we do this all just a little bit better, recognizing and looking at where our feelings, of inadequacy are coming from, is it guilt, is it shame, and how we can adjust it to best serve us is going to be powerful. Guilt and shame are both going to show up at different times.

[00:06:53] Leah: Guilt is a motivator to do better and to learn from our mistakes. While shame, it can have a detrimental effect on us and our ability to succeed. Knowing how to distinguish between the two and when we use them is an important factor in our personal growth. In balancing that busyness, in being able to feel like we are saying yes to the right things, no to the wrong things, and shifting and changing when things are not serving us, when we are not serving ourselves.

[00:07:28] Leah: This is the Balancing Busy Podcast, and I’m Leah Remillet, here to help. This is the Balancing Busy Podcast, and I’m Leah Remillet, here to help you do less, but better. This is a little bit different, and it’s short, and it’s sweet, but I hope it packs a powerful punch that helps you to realize and just reconsider how guilt can be a compass that course corrects and helps us to show up as we’re truly meant to be, and how shame is lying to you, that you are…

[00:07:58] Leah: You’re better than shame is telling you you are, that you are powerful enough to change what you don’t like, and that it all is about you taking ownership of your best life and going after it with just a zeal that no one’s going to want to get in the way and stop you. All right, that’s it for this episode.

[00:08:20] Leah: Thank you so much for joining in on this conversation. 



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