Leah: [00:00:00] hands down, we are at our very, very best when we are considerate and taking care of each other.  

Leah: And welcome to the Balancing Busy Podcast. I’m Leah Reveille, of course, and I’m so excited that you’re here. If this is your first time, I hope that you just love it and you’re here again and again and again. Make sure that you Follow the podcast, download them. And if you are a returning listener and you hang out with me every week, thank you.

Leah: Thank you. Thank you. I got to send out some [00:01:00] balance necklaces today and it just made my heart so happy. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, uh, leave a five star review and I would love to say and send you a balance necklace. We’ll have. the link below. Today, we are going to talk about love because it is February.

Leah: It is the month of love. And the honest truth is I found a blog post from 2013 that I wrote. It is 2025 now. And I was talking about the 10 things that my husband and I do to keep our marriage strong. And you know what? They still apply, which is really cool because we’re talking over 10 years later and I’m like, yes, still really good advice.

Leah: So today being married 24 years, I want to share these 10 things that we do to keep our marriage strong, and I hope that they will inspire you as well. Now, I want to start by being really, really, really clear. [00:02:00] I did not have examples of what amazing marriages look like growing up. I didn’t have somewhere to start.

Leah: And that’s why I want to share this because when I was a newlywed, I was lost. I mean, I was so lost as to what a good marriage looks like, what you should do. And, oh, I was doing so much of it wrong. Just, you know, scared and nervous and all the things. And. Yet over time, I’ve been able to learn way better strategies.

Leah: Honestly, just by watching people, reading books, and Yeah, I’m kind of a sponge, okay? I’m a sponge, and I’ve been, I’ve been learning from other people, figuring out what works for us, and so I hope I can pass on some of what we’ve learned and what’s worked for us for you as well. So if you just happen to be like me, where You didn’t have those great examples growing up.

Leah: Both my parents have been divorced more than once. Um, I don’t have any [00:03:00] family members, I don’t think, on my side of the family, uh, like that I grew up with that hadn’t been divorced. All of my friend’s parents were divorced. I mean, I’m not kidding. Like I had not seen a good relationship. And so. So, if you can relate to that, here you go.

Leah: Let’s jump in. We can be the ones to change it. All right. Number ten. We’re going to work our way down in case you didn’t figure that out. Ten things. Let’s start with number ten. Number ten. There is no exit strategy. When I first said I do, I had no idea what that really meant. If you’re married, you get it.

Leah: But I have. This husband who taught me that quitting was just not an option. He believed that happiness really was possible. And just that through thick and thin, we were in it. All of it, together. In fact, we’re in this for eternity.

Leah: There is a perspective that [00:04:00] comes with planning for forever. It just helps you to see past the right now, those frustrations that are in the moment, and work on building a forever happiness. So I think we are in a culture that says, Oh, try it on. See what you think, get rid of it if it doesn’t work. And you would never do that with your children, right?

Leah: That is not an option. Should not be an option. And yes, there are absolutely cases where you need to walk away. It’s better to walk away. Abuse always walk away. But when you have two good people trying. There’s no reason it can’t work. So number 10, there is no exit strategy. Number 9. This was a newer one for us, and I’ll even say, like, we’ve gotten out of the habit, we should get back into it.

Leah: But the first two minutes after Taylor got home were just for each other and not to discuss anything [00:05:00] negative. Like, not that dump of like, oh, good, you’re here. Right? He walks in the door, comes and grabs me, and we would just hold each other. Man, that is so cute that we did that. Gosh, that’s adorable. Okay, full disclosure.

Leah: We totally do not do that anymore. But that’s adorable. We’re going to start that up again. Um, of course, I love it. Like in my notes, I’m like, the kids try to pry their little bodies into the middle, but we just smile and hold tight to each other. That is adorable. No one would be trying to pry anymore.

Leah: They’re like full grown ups. That’s just really, really cute. And the reason I like it so much and the reason I think it worked so well, it was this natural reset. One of the things that we talk about in productivity is Being able to set your intention and reset yourself for the next task. If we’re distracted, if we’re going a million different ways, it’s really hard to do that.

Leah: And, you know, when you come home from being gone, you’re thinking about everything that you’ve just been doing, everything you still need to do. I mean, it can just, it can be hard to not [00:06:00] walk in the door with some baggage, right? So to take two minutes, or I think you could probably even do 60 seconds, right?

Leah: And you’re just hugging each other. Nothing negative. I just. I love that. That is so adorable. Okay. Okay. 2013 me. You were doing well. Time to pick, pick that back up. All right. Another one that we do still do is sweet little surprises. Leaving a little note or planning a special night or sending a thoughtful text.

Leah: Taylor is definitely way better at this than I am, but it’s amazing how it just, it elevates the whole day. It makes everything brighter. So we’ve done all kinds of different ways. Throughout the years, we’ve had a physical little notebook that I made once like back when you would scrapbook, I totally like scrapbook the cover of this thing.

Leah: I remember it had this like cute decorative key on it. And, um, and we would write each other notes inside. But then we would, you know, misplace it or it would end up in someone’s drawer for months. Then, uh, he [00:07:00] came up with the idea. Several years back of a shared notes were Apple users. So we had a shared notes and we can like send each other little notes back and forth and you see it grow.

Leah: I’m the bad one at it because I don’t allow any notifications. So I forget to see that there’s a new note and the most recent thing actually came from the book Reset which that was an episode just at the beginning of January, I had Dan Heath on the podcast with his new book, Reset. That’s episode 131 and 132.

Leah: And in that book, there was this amazing idea about just having post it notes that you leave for each other. I’m like, Oh my gosh, that’s so easy. So I immediately grabbed a thing of post it notes and a pen, and I put them on a little plate in the little square, like, you know, it’s like a trinket dish type thing in the bathroom on the counter, and I’ve been leaving him Notes on the mirror.

Leah: Now this is the newest one. It’s honestly only been happening for like two weeks [00:08:00] and it’s been kind of funny because I leave little notes on the mirror, like on his side, on his mirror, and then the next day I’ll end up getting like a sweet text from him. So he likes the text medium. I like the little notes medium.

Leah: But the idea is that we’re just giving each other these sweet little surprises. And I will admit he really is. is so much better at this than me. One of my favorite things is food. I’ve joked about this forever, like, food is my love language. And he’s so good about bringing me little things. Like, he, I love seafood.

Leah: And he brings me Dungeness crab every time he goes to the store. I mean, I can pretty much guarantee there will be snow crab or Dungeness crab or some kind of crab coming home with him for me. Um, he goes on a lot of business trips. And on his, and he flies out often from Seattle, and then we live like two and a half hours away.

Leah: Anytime he flies out of Seattle instead of our local airport, he stops and picks me up Din Tai Fung, which is one of my favorite restaurants, take out and brings it home for me. every [00:09:00] time. I mean, he will get off a plane at 10 and stop and get me Din Tai Fung and bring it home. It’s just amazing. So he’s so, so much better at this than me, but, um, I should step up my game.

Leah: It really does make such a difference. Okay. Number seven, saying why. This is something that’s actually really mattered more to me, honestly. I wonder if this is kind of like a female thing versus a male thing. I don’t know, but I love to hear. I love you. But it’s said so often that sometimes I feel like it kind of lacks some of its power.

Leah: But when he tells me why, it changes the game for me. So I love hearing. I love you because, and then something that he appreciates about me, um, why he loves me, why he thinks I did a good job on something recently, or whatever it is. It just, it takes I love you to a whole new level. And I’ll tell you, just as kind of, you know, taking this up actually in even bigger [00:10:00] notches, um, years and years ago, when we did our travel year.

Leah: And we, we traveled the world for one year with our kids, right? So that was, oh gosh, I don’t know, the year 2006. Sixteen? Fifteen? Fourteen? Okay. It was a year. Actually, it was probably fourteen, fifteen, which is funny because this was originally in before, would have been like before we left. Anyways, okay.

Leah: Not relevant to the story. But we were, there was some tension. By some I mean a lot. There’s a lot of stress trying to find the next country, travel, get everywhere. I mean, it’s not, it’s, it was amazing. I would do it again in a heartbeat over and over and over. And I think it would be really fun to actually do a blog post all about, like, what it actually looked like and how we did it.

Leah: But it’s not a vacation. When you’re traveling for a year, you’re not on vacation. You’re living, right? So there would be times when it would get really stressful because we still don’t know what country we’re going to next, [00:11:00] and it’s the end of the month, and It just, there was some tension, some, some conflict, and we were butting heads a lot.

Leah: Because we have very different planning styles. I plan, he is spontaneous. And we were just feeling really frustrated with each other, and we didn’t want to feel that. And we came up with this idea. That we had to tell each other three things each day that we appreciated about the other one. It transformed us, like truly transformed us because it shifts everything.

Leah: Now I’m looking for the good in him instead of what’s bugging me, right? Like, I mean, it, it genuinely shifted everything. And still to this day, it’s been 10 years, probably still to this day. If I’m kind of struggling, if I’m kind of feeling frustrated, if I’m having a hard time, I’ll just look at him and go three things.

Leah: And he’ll tell me. Three things. I mean, it’s just it’s amazing. Like it really has made all the difference Okay, number six little rituals [00:12:00] There is something that feels so safe about having these little rituals that are just they’re ours to have They’re not anything big But they’re just these little fun things and and I’m actually gonna read straight from this because it’s so cute hearing what our little rituals were back in 2014.

Leah: So, I said, trying new specialty root beers, dancing to no music in the kitchen. Okay, we totally still do that one. We don’t do the root beers. We’ve gotten so stinkin healthy that, I mean, we would every once in a while, but like, Yeah, we’re just way too healthy now, uh, but we definitely still dance in the kitchen all the time.

Leah: Um, let’s see, waiting till we have at least two of our favorite shows recorded so we get more closure. Oh, we still do that. Putting the kids to bed at 8 p. m. Then having our time. Okay. Mmm, our, two of our kids are gone now. Like that, we have a lot more us time. That’s for sure. But just creating these little rituals, and I think, I think what’s really worth recognizing is that these are really small.

Leah: Specialty root [00:13:00] beers? Like, oh, there’s a specialty root beer, I’m gonna buy a bottle for us to try. That’s so tiny, but they’re just these little things that are ours. So thinking about and looking for, you know, what your little things could be or are. Number five. This is a huge one. I have talked about it many times because it’s been so powerful.

Leah: Time away, and I’m actually going to talk about this within two different constructs.

Leah: So the way that I originally talked about it in 2014 was that I always knew that I really wanted to be. I wanted to be that cool wife who encouraged her hubby to go out with the guys. Like, I, I didn’t want to be the one where they’re like, Oh, the wife won’t let me. I’m like, that sounds horrible. I want to be the one where, like, the guys are like, Oh, we know Taylor will get to, I’ll have to see if I can.

Leah: Like, I just wanted to be the cool wife. So, we have so much fun together, for sure. But we also have very different hobbies. I am girly. And I love, like, The [00:14:00] spa. I mean, he’ll totally go with me to the spa, but great food. OK, he likes doing that to shopping. He like, OK, he likes my things. OK, but I don’t want to do his things because it’s a lot of being out in the woods and it’s freezing cold and very, very early and probably still dark.

Leah: Or there was a while where he was super, super into Spartan races. I mean, he did like. I don’t know how many he’s done. A crazy number. And that was just not my thing. And so, I really think there’s value in being able to have time away and then come, time, well, I should say it like this, being able to have time away from each other and then come back together.

Leah: I love that it gives us new stories to tell each other and to talk about, so it doesn’t become like, you know, you’re just kind of running the reruns because you already know everything. And I love that it just allows us to miss each other and appreciate each other, so. You know, I go on my girls weekends, and I do my things, and he goes on his guy trips, and he [00:15:00] does his things.

Leah: And it’s just been something that I feel like has been really great. Whether it’s just, uh, an evening, right? Like, I’m going to girls night, or I’m going out to lunch with the girls, or whatever. Or, it’s a bigger thing. I mean, definitely the biggest was that, like, he knows me. He knows me so well. He knows what I love.

Leah: I mean, he outdid himself. There’s, there’s no, there’s no way around it. For my 40th birthday, he booked me and three of my favorite women a trip to Paris. And we were gone for a whole week. And all we did was eat, And shop and get very bougie tours to see beautiful things. And it was, it was incredible. And he’d never been to Paris, like, he wanted to go.

Leah: He, he, so a funny thing about Taylor is he loves being with me all the time. And I love to have my alone time, more so [00:16:00] than he needs. By a long shot, and yet he did this for me because he knew, like, that would be my ultimate dream of how to experience Paris. And I will say we have gotten to go to Paris since then together.

Leah: In fact, we went last fall. We got to go to, um, to France and we made sure we hit up Paris and then Switzerland. It was amazing. But, uh, for that very first time ever going, it was a trip that he planned for me. with my girlfriends away, and it was incredible. Okay, number four. Consider the other person.

Leah: We, and when I say we, I mostly mean me, are not always great at this one, but hands down, we are at our very, very best when we are considerate and taking care of each other. Now what’s interesting is that we so often have different ways of showing this, and it’s not actually what the other person wants or needs, right?

Leah: Like, I’m going to show it [00:17:00] by having a clean house and having all these things, like, productively done. That’s what I love. He doesn’t really care if the house is clean. I’m the one that does. So I have to look for and figure out, like, how I can consider him in the ways that He would want, not in the ways that I would want.

Leah: And so I’m like, no, look what I did for you. It’s like when you give someone a gift and it’s really for you, right? You’re like, look at this amazing thing I got you. And they’re like. I don’t even like this concert and you’re like, Oh, I thought we could go together. Ha ha. Right. It’s kind of like that. So you definitely need to be conscious of what would they actually want.

Leah: But that consideration, I mean, it makes all the difference. One of the things that I think breaks down marriages is that people feel like they’re not being seen. They’re not being thought of. They’re, they’re not considered of. And so. This, this is such an important way to make sure that we’re each looking for [00:18:00] how we can lighten each other’s load.

Leah: And it just makes everything so much sweeter and so much more enjoyable. Okay, number three, date night. We have never stopped dating. Dating. We were told when we first got married that we should try to go on a date once a week. And because I had never seen a good marriage, you know, I was desperate for insights and advice and someone to tell me how the heck you make it actually work.

Leah: That I was like, got it. Okay. Done. And so we have done that and sometimes life is crazy. Sometimes it’s really, really hard. to make it happen, but we have tried to stay so consistent. I mean, we pretty much have not missed date night for 20 something, 24 years. I mean, yeah, there’s times where it’s gotten really crazy.

Leah: We’ve had to have all kinds of times when we shift, when the kids were really little and we were in school and we were so poor, we would trade with other people and have to babysit their kids. That was, took some of the [00:19:00] joy out of date night, but we did it. And then eventually we could pay for babysitters.

Leah: And then eventually they were old enough to watch themselves. And eventually they didn’t even notice when we left. And that’s, that’s the truth, right? There’s going to be all these different stages, but prioritizing date night has been critical. So the way we do it is one date a week, one overnight, a quarter, and one entire week away, just the two of us a year.

Leah: That’s how we’ve done it. And it’s been amazing. Number two. This one might be one of the only ones that you’re like, huh, I would not have thought to put that on a list. But it’s novelty. So, I think one of the things that you hear complained about a lot, or at least it’s like the big thing that I see in Hollywood movies, is like, that the marriage has gotten stale.

Leah: That it’s boring. And, it seemed to me early on that the easiest way to Like protect ourselves from that was [00:20:00] to make sure that we were trying new things together. And I think it really helps us stay young in our relationship. I feel like I’ve always been young in my relationship ’cause I think I’m young and this is making me giggle because I’m like.

Leah: I’ve been married 24 years. I remember how I looked at people who had been married that long when I was, like, more newly married. But, okay, all the same, young in our relationship. I’m just claiming it. That’s what we are. So, we have tried all kinds of things over the years. I mean, so many different things.

Leah: Cooking classes, exotic restaurants, traveling to amazing places, outdoor adventures, which I do purely because I love him. Um, we have done dance lessons. Oh my gosh, that was Hilarious. ’cause we were not very good, but it gave us so much to laugh about and talk about. We even read the Hunger Games trilogy together during a long road trip.

Leah: So it’s just so fun to have these different things that we do together, like [00:21:00] learning. Maybe it’s learning some new hobby together. I mean, you still have your things separately, but being able to have things together too. Or maybe it’s just something that you guys are interested in and you go and do and Anyways, it’s just been, it’s been such a great thing.

Leah: And I do think there has to be this give and take of things that you love versus things that he loves. For example, we did an overnight backpacking. I think he was hoping it would become more of a regular thing. We’ve done it once, and once only. But, we went and did that. That is not my idea of a good time.

Leah: But I did it because He wanted to share this with me so badly. I think he was probably disappointed by like, Huh, that is not as much fun with her as I thought it would be. And then there’s been things that are purely because I want to do them. Lots of things, right? So that give and take, again, it’s, it’s so important.

Leah: But the bottom line is just Trying new things together. That’s the part that makes the magic. It’s new things together [00:22:00] equals keeping things fresh. And just giving you new things to laugh about and talk about and be excited about and all those good things. Alright, number one. Birds and bees. thrive here.

Leah: I know this is totally not a PG answer and I’m pretty embarrassed. I was embarrassed when I typed it. I am embarrassed to vocally be saying it on my podcast, but my kids are older. We have these kind of conversations all the time. And if you’re married, then sex shouldn’t be new. When I asked Taylor why he thinks that we’re so strong, way back the first time I wrote this, he said, like, this was his answer, right?

Leah: He’s like, uh, this is why.

Leah: And it’s so interesting because he followed up with this statement. He said, look at our friends who seem the most unhappy in their marriages, and they all joke about never having sex. He, I mean, he has a strong point there. There is something vulnerable and powerful about coming back together often. So [00:23:00] that’s what I came up with.

Leah: That is my list of the 10 things that we do to keep our marriage strong. I originally created this list in 2014. It is 2020. We are going on 11 years later with 11 more years of marriage and this list, I’m still standing by it. I’m still saying, heck yeah, these things will work. So in the spirit of love and of having incredibly powerful relationships, pick The ones that resonated with you.

Leah: You don’t have to do all of them, but pick one, maybe two and work on those. And then once you’ve got that, pick one more and stack that. When we try to do everything, we typically fall short because we get overwhelmed. But if you picked one and you worked on that, and then next month you stack another one.

Leah: I mean, these are 10 ideas. We’re in February. You’ve got 10 months to go. One stacked on top of each other every single month for the rest of the year. And just. Think where you could be starting off in [00:24:00] 2026. Okay, that’s it for this episode. I hope you enjoyed it. I would love to hear if you did. In fact, You’re in your podcast platform right now.

Leah: Just go to Balancing Busy Podcast, go down to the bottom or wherever it is, and leave a five star review, and then find the link in my notes so that you can get the balance necklace. Okay, that’s it for today. I’ll see you next week, and thank you so, so much for being part of this podcast and just listening to me.

Leah: Thank you. I hope it helps. 

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