I’ve been struggling. I’ve always promised that when I am struggling, I will share it with you.
I made this promise because I never wanted you to be under this false impression that everything is always perfect over here on my end of the monitor. If you did think that, I would worry that somehow you would think it means you’re doing something wrong.
The last several months have been…let’s use the word, intense. We found ourselves moving unexpectedly, planning for a new job, trying to sell our Christmas tree farm and buy a new house almost 4 hours away. I was also working to launch 3 new brands and websites, relaunch The Thriving Photographer™ (my business training program) and get ready for the school’s spring dance that I had volunteered to co-chair. Oh, and my little 5 year old was having surgery on both of his eyes.
We took one thing at a time. Some days I needed chocolate, other days I need something stronger (Dungeness Crab and a cube of butter). There were moments when the pressure got the best of me and I’d felt the tears welling up just before I had to run into the school for a PTA meeting or right when I needed to jump into making dinner.
All the while, I also knew how blessed I was…how many of these trials were just the ground work for later blessings. I tried to keep perspective, but I will admit that more than once I couldn’t find it anywhere.
Then 2 weeks ago the eye of the storm came down. There were so many things we were waiting on…when would Taylor’s job start and when would he be leaving for training, when would our house close, when would little man’s surgery be scheduled…when? And then it happened.
My whirlwind of crazy. Two days after little man’s second post op appointment we were moving. On Friday, the kids tearfully said goodbye to their classmates and we piled into the car to make the drive to our new city. On Saturday we spent the day shopping, packing suitcases and finishing paper work. On Sunday we brought Daddy to the airport and kissed him goodbye for 6 weeks as he headed to Texas for training at his new company headquarters. We headed back to get settled into our adventure at Grammy and Papa’s while we wait for our house to close. On Monday, with nervous jitters (both them and me!) the children started their new school. On Monday night the dog ran away…several hours later, way past the children’s bed time, we found her! On Tuesday the dog ran away again. On Thursday morning I left for Chic Retreat and on Sunday I was home. On Tuesday the dog went into heat (and by the way they bleed for 3 weeks – are you freaking kidding me?!?). On Wednesday I found out our close date was being postponed because they still didn’t have this years taxes from the IRS. On Thursday I found out that my CPA mistakenly did not file one of my returns and that brings us to today.
Just in case you thought the rest of us lived calm, serene lives. I just wanted to raise my hand and shout, ‘not me! I’m living in crazy-town!’ So we just might be neighbors!
Anyway…through all of the crazy and chaos, I have felt so worried for the kids. I have felt inadequate and powerless. Discouraged that a day didn’t workout as I wanted, heartbroken when my oldest broke into tears because she’s having to stay in at recess to practice her multiplication facts and defeated when I had to spend 3 hours trying to build a dog kennel, with no directions that she then escaped from the next day (the dog of course). I have felt out of control and in reality…most of this is out of my control right now and that’s just not my normal reality.
Sometimes we get lost in seeing what we’re not doing good enough and we lose sight of the good that is happening. My sweet assistant shared this video (see below) with me as an idea to share with all of you and when I saw it, I knew that not only did I want to share it, but that it was time to admit my crazy.
And so, here’s to us! To the crazy mamma’s who work harder than most humans realize possible. Who will stay up till all hours to make, print and cut out flash cards. Who send silent prayers up hoping we are enough. Who always feel we could be more, do more and help more despite volunteering to take on Spring dances, bringing dinner to a friend, volunteering to babysit even though what we really need is a babysitter ourselves and who stop on the way past our children’s door (with laundry in hand) and stand in awe over the little miracles that have been entrusted into our care…all the while hoping, wishing and praying that we (their mothers) are enough.
Let me tell you who we truly are…we are mothers! There is no more profound profession on the planet. “I surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than that of motherhood.” – Elder Russell M. Ballard
We are the spilled milk and crooked pig tail mommies, the worn-out shoes and forgotten homework assignment mommies. The needed a pedicure 3 months ago and was wishing for a shower yesterday mommies. The mommies who despite it all – won’t give up and will strive every day to be better than yesterday because we know how valuable the treasures we’ve been entrusted with are. Remember — this job never required perfection, only love.
Happy Mother’s Day!