Today you get to jump in to a part of a live group coaching call from inside my paid group coaching membership. (You can get onto the waitlist for Growth Getters here) This membership is designed for business owners who are ready to reach 6 figures and beyond, but who want to do it effectively and efficiently. One of the perks of this membership is that all members can submit any questions and I’ll answer or coach them through during our live GG Coaching Calls. You’re about to hear a portion of one of those calls!
In this particular coaching call, we had two really great questions come in that so many can relate to!
Q1: I started my business to have freedom, but it’s anything but. How do I get back on track?
Q2: My spouse doesn’t support my business anymore, what do I do?
At first glance, you might not think these two problems have much in common, but they do!
QUESTION 1: HOW DO I GET BACK ON TRACK?
We all start with this idea that we are going to start a business that’s going to create more freedom. We’re gonna make some money, we’re gonna have more time, and it’s gonna be amazing. But so often that is not what happens. Instead of being the business owner, we become the employee. What’s happening is that we are constantly just trading time for money and we’re making ourselves too available. And so instead of having this feeling of freedom, we feel more trapped than ever.
So how do we fix it? It absolutely comes down to setting boundaries. The first thing that I want you to do is get crystal clear on your priorities. What is the most important thing to you? Once you know that, you can ask yourself how you can make your business bless your priority. In my case, my number one priority is my family. So I would ask myself, “How can my business bless my family?”
Once we understand this, we can start to look and say, “what boundaries do I need to set for my business?”
I got this completely wrong at the beginning. I had zero boundaries around my business and my family suffered for it. The first boundary I had to set was business hours. I had to stop being available for everyone 24/7. This one thing helped SO MUCH.
The second thing you can do to get back on track is to make sure you have really good systems set up for these things that you’re doing over and over so that you’re not having to reinvent everything again and again. What’s the simplest way to solve some of these things that you’re doing all the time, so that you can clean it up and make it simpler.
What are some of the tasks that you’re doing that really aren’t serving you, that really aren’t helping? They’re not driving more profit. They’re not bringing in more clients. They’re just busy work. Can you get rid of some of that stuff?
When I was at my worst, I really believed my entire business might crumble if I wasn’t there every second of the day and so much of my identity was wrapped into my business. It’s natural and normal to have some of our identity in our businesses, but it’s not all our identity. We want to make sure we’re okay with saying I can step away from my business and that is totally fine.
The last thing I would suggest is batching your work. When you’ve batched out your social media, when you’ve batched out your blog and content, when you batch out creating your podcast episodes, life gets easier. Instead of thinking, oh shoot, I need to create a blog post or a newsletter or a post, because it needs to go out today, you’re doing those early and they’re ready for you. So that makes it easier to step away. And when it’s easy to step away, it’s easier to not get burned out and not have scramble to get back on track.
QUESTION 2: WHEN YOUR SPOUSE STOPS SUPPORTING YOUR BUSINESS
This is gonna be a little bit of a tough love conversation.
I needed it too once. So let me just tell you, you are not alone in any way. This is such a common thing that happens, so give yourself some grace. Let me just get really, really clear and to the point of what most likely happened when you first started your business.
You were excited, you were optimistic, you were positive. You were painting a picture that seemed awesome. And you were so excited, little things would happen and you’d share the wins and it was all good things. I’m gonna guess that if things have gone negative and your spouse is not supporting anymore, that you forgot to stop talking about the good things that happen.
My guess (and it’s super common) is that you started only sharing the negative. You’re talking about everything that’s bad in your business — every client that’s hard, every problem that you’re dealing with, etc. Your spouse is seeing all the stress, all the negativity, all the angst. When everything sounds negative it can feel hard to support something that is bringing you down. Maybe you don’t have good boundaries in place.
Again, it comes down to boundaries.
If the boundaries aren’t there, your spouse may be feeling neglected. They’re feeling like they come second that they’re on the back burner, right? If we are really getting to it, you’re not doing what you say you were going to do. I was so guilty of this. I am going to confess right now. I can’t tell you how many times I said, “just give me 30 minutes” and hours later, I’d come to bed. “I just need to finish this one thing,” and he would fall asleep by himself waiting for me, because hours had gone by.
We need to do what we say we’re gonna do. If you tell your kids you’re gonna be done at this time, if you tell your spouse you’re gonna be done at this time, then you need to be done. If you say you’re available, you need to be available. If you’re with them, be with them.
So if you are struggling with friends or family not seeming to support you anymore, I want you to check: “am I only sharing the negative? Have I allowed my business to take over where I’m not fully present and there? Am I not doing what I say I’m going to do when I say I’m going to be there? Am I not fulfilling my commitment?”
Do what you say you’re going to do. I mean, those are words to live by in every single situation, right?
It’s crazy how two seemingly different questions and problems can both be solved by getting real with your boundaries. I invite you to explore these questions and see if there are places in your business that could benefit from better boundaries (spoiler: there 100% are!)
LINKS YOU’LL LOVE:
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Leah Remillet and Kelli France
[00:00:00] Leah: This is the balancing busy podcast, episode 13. I am so excited to jump into this interview with. Amazing amazing friend Kelli, France. I love this woman and you are gonna get so much out of this episode. So Kelli France is a seven figure entrepreneur. She runs an incredible 5,000 plus member book club where a different personal development book is studied each month.
[00:00:29] And then the author comes on and discusses it. She has a top 10% podcast. She’ amazing. And she does it all staying present and intentional and just awesome as a mom and a wife. And so what I wanted to talk with her about, and I’m gonna be honest, I have insider information because I happen to be her business coach.
[00:00:49] So I know all the insides of what’s happening in her life. In her business, in all the things. And I wanted to have a very real discussion about all the things we outsource, the things we’ve let go of the things that we don’t try to do ourselves, uh, from everything, from making the cake ourself to how we balance and make sure that our marriages stay strong and just amazing while trying to build empires and raise children and all the things.
[00:01:19] So we’re jumping into this episode right now. You are gonna love. Kelly France, my amazing, amazing friend and incredible girl boss. You’re just amazing. They’re all gonna figure that out really quick. I adore you. They’re going to adore you soon. Thank you for being here today.
[00:01:42] Kelli: Thank you for having
[00:01:44] Leah: me, Leah. Oh, you know, I can spend all kinds of time with you, girl. I, I love it every time we’re together all day
[00:01:52] Yes, for real, for real. Um, okay, so Kelly. Is incredible. She is a seven figure entrepreneur. She has an amazing story. She’s done so so much. I have the incredible honor of being your business coach. And I’m so excited to talk about just entrepreneurship, balancing it all, especially with kids and doing this in a way where, where it feels good.
[00:03:28] And I wrote that in my journal, like, and I didn’t wanna feel that way anymore. And so I knew that at, at that moment, when I wrote in my journal, I was like, something’s gotta change because I don’t wanna be bitter at the people that I love most, you know, that’s not how I wanna feel in my life. And so , then I had to figure out better ways to do things.
[00:03:50] And so. Started that journey of getting organized and,
[00:03:56] Leah: and here we are, and here we are. Amen. And I wanna say, because I do, I think this is important for people to know, is that for you and I, both, we have life goes through seasons. Yeah. So we have times where we’re like, I’m killing it. I’m doing so good.
[00:04:13] And then something in life changes, you know, either the kids go from. Um, not being in school, then they go into school and then you’re like, oh, this is amazing. I’ve I’ve got so much more time. I’m doing great. And then all of a sudden sports kick up and now you’re driving all over. Right? Like things, things continue summer vacation happens.
[00:04:30] Or, uh, some kids decide to start doing school at home or, you know, a pandemic strikes or
[00:04:38] Kelli: we’ve been through all that. Yes.
[00:04:41] Leah: Yes we have. Okay. So, um, how has creating systems helped you been able to like prioritize family among all the other things that you
[00:04:56] Kelli: have? I honestly think systems are like the only way, you know, not the only way, but one of the best ways to really balance busy because, um, Otherwise you’re reinventing the wheel, you know, and for me, it also, you know, I have mom brain, so I forget things easily for me, it’s creating systems that I can remember the step by step that I want to do each time.
[00:05:25] So I don’t forget steps. And that has helped me. Not only get organized, but have peace of mind because you know, when you have so many things, just like running through your brain, that you just feel so completely overwhelmed when you get it on paper and you write it down, like this is step one, step two, step three, step four.
[00:05:46] Um, it, you just feel a lot more peaceful because now it’s on paper and now, you know what you want it to look like, even if, even if you’re not organized yet, but you just list out the steps. I promise you’ll feel so much better. And for me that has been a huge game changer because it was a way of automating a lot of the things that I was doing regularly, you know, whether it was daily or weekly or monthly or quarterly.
[00:06:17] It’s so nice to have a system to go back to, to remember all the steps. And the other thing, Leah is that it’s so nice to have a system all written down for when you’re ready to delegate.
[00:06:31] Leah: oh, you, you know how I feel about those? You know, I’m, I, I push all my clients all the time. Like, no, we need a system.
[00:06:39] We need a checklist. And it does. Yeah. It makes life so, so much easier to go through. You know, I think about. The amount of brain energy that we are giving away and putting out there when there’s no checklist, when there’s no system, when it’s like, wait, what am I supposed to do? What do I, what am I forgetting?
[00:06:59] Yeah. What do we need to remember? And yet we’ve done these things over and over. And if we would just. Systemize it and, and I love what you said, cuz I think this is so critical systems must be simple. You will not do it if it’s complicated. Yeah. The system itself is there to simplify your life. So therefore the system also should be simple.
[00:07:18] Uh, and without that it’s we won’t maintain it. It won’t, it won’t stick around. So you. You are the, the primary breadwinner winner and you are also mom, so, yep. What are ? Yep. And, and you and I have talked about this so many times, cuz we’ve both been in that position so many times throughout our career as the primary breadwinner, even sometimes full time breadwinner and also we’re, we’re always mom at all times.
[00:07:47] Um, What are some of the things that have helped you the most to be able to feel like you’re doing both of those things? Well, and of course not all the time, we all have off days and on days, but what are some of those, those things that you’ve implemented that you’re like, oh, I would never go back.
[00:08:09] Kelli: Um, in, in my mom life or in my business either, either you pay no one, um, I mean one, so for me, I have like this acronym that has really helped me, um, I feel like this is the key to my success honestly, has been the acronym dare.
[00:08:30] And it is, and I, I’m such a word nerd, you know that, oh, you
[00:08:34] Leah: are you. And it’s my to, if I need help with words, cuz you’re so good at this. Okay.
[00:08:40] Kelli: Yeah. And um, it’s my way of say it’s my way of telling you. I dare you to say no. And, and the dare acronym is delegate. Automate reevaluate or eliminate. And it’s a way of really E like prioritizing your life and evaluating your life.
[00:09:00] And, um, and eliminating some of the things that need to go some of the unnecessary things and prioritizing the ones that you want to stay. Right. And so delegating, automating, reevaluating, and eliminating has been the game changer to my business and to giving me that peace of mind because, um, when I wrote in that journal, I remember, you know, praying, like, please help me find a solution because again, I don’t want to be bitter at my kids and my husband and I felt, um, inspired to read an article.
[00:09:43] I believe is written by David Allen. Um, I can’t remember. He’s the author of good to grade, I think. Okay. And the article was about saying no. And he said he, he told you to make out not to do list. And I loved that because I was the girl that was writing these giant to do lists that were literally like an entire page long.
[00:10:07] That would, when I’d look at it, I would wanna like rock in the fetal position. And so, um, the idea of a not to do list was like so amazing. Like it, I was like, so stoked, like, yes, let’s write down all the things that I am no longer going to do. and
[00:10:24] Leah: a couple of those. Do you remember anything? Yeah. Do you remember what was okay.
[00:10:27] What was on it?
[00:10:28] Kelli: Yeah, there were a couple that I was like, I am no longer going to make homemade cakes because I, the last time I made a cake, I made a finding Nemo cake for my son when he was younger. And, um, I showed it to my husband. He was like, oh, that’s so cute. Did you have the kids decorate? I was well.
[00:10:47] That was me. I am the one who decorated it
[00:10:51] Leah: and so I was
[00:10:52] Kelli: like, let’s just be honest here. I’m not good at making cakes. And I don’t have to make cakes. Like, there are perfectly good cakes at the store that I can buy. We just like guilt trip ourselves. Right? Yeah. And then the other thing that I delegated was, um, laundry and I decided.
[00:11:14] I hate laundry. Why am I doing this? And I, actually, one of the reasons I did delegate or decide like that’s on my not to do list, um, is because my, I heard a story about my grandpa, about his mom. So this is my great grandma. And when she was a single mom for a while, and she hired someone to come and help her with laundry.
[00:11:35] And I was like, dude, that was probably. Almost a hundred years ago. I’m like if a mom from a hundred years ago can freaking delegate her laundry, then a modern mom of, you know, 20, 22 can certain, well, it was, I, I haven’t done laundry Leah for like, Over 10 years. I know you have not
[00:11:56] Leah: done laundry in like a decade.
[00:11:58] I know that about you and I love it. Okay. I wanna talk more about all the different things you and I have outsourced because we have, this is a huge part for both of us, of how. We do stay intentional and how we stay present. Yes. For what matters most to us, which for both of us is our, our family, our husbands, our, our kids and our businesses and the people like that.
[00:12:25] We, you know, that, that rely on us within each of our businesses and companies and taking care of them. And so in order to do those things, we have both outsourced a lot. Mm-hmm so, um, I know you outsourced laundry. which I love. I think that is, that is, and I just have to say,
[00:12:44] Kelli: I, I started, um, with a teenager, just a teenager would come over once a week.
[00:12:50] She would fold it and, or I would wash it that, that day, it was like every Tuesday I would wash it all day long and then, and dry it. And then she would just come fold it, put it away. It was like the best, you know, she only worked maybe two hours. And I think I paid her like $7 an hour. It was literally the best.
[00:13:08] $14 of my week.
[00:13:10] Leah: that I could have spent you ever, ever spent, you know what, my first house cleaner was a teenager also. I oh, really? And I, yeah. And I think that’s a good thing to recognize is yeah, you don’t necessarily need to start at the top of the top, you know, like figure out what your comfortable being able to say yes to, and start there.
[00:13:30] My first house cleaner. I really wanted to prove that it was gonna make our life better. I remember telling my husband like you let me have a house cleaner for a month and I guarantee you, you are going to be very happy with how much more like. Happy and, um, less tired at night. I am. And I, I made sure to, to prove that, and he would never not have us have a house cleaner now, but the very, I love that very first house cleaner was a teenager.
[00:13:59] I, I hired a teenage girl. I paid her, you know, probably something very, very similar. It was like 10 years ago plus now. And was she perfect? No guys. She wasn’t. Okay. She’s a teenager. like, there are certainly things she missed. Okay. Yeah. Did she still do several hours of work that I didn’t have to.
[00:14:20] Sometimes you just have to recognize who cares. If you have to go one final time over with a cloth and some Windex, at least you didn’t have to do 90% of it. Yeah. And I was paying right. And I was paying a fraction and over the years that’s changed and evolved and, and it’s been all, all different forms.
[00:14:35] I got to one point when the kids were still younger, that I ended up having a full. Manager. So she did clean the house, but she also would like go to the store and restock things. We were missing. She’d organize linen, closets and refrigerator. And I mean, she truly managed like the home, all those things.
[00:14:54] That sounds amazing. Oh, it was awesome. But I’ve, I’ve had all versions, right? I’ve had everything from. A teenager who yes, I would definitely have to come behind sometimes. And you know, mm-hmm, call her shit up all the way to having someone who was infinitely better at keeping a home than I was. Um, so, so all the things.
[00:15:12] Okay. So what other things have you outsourced?
[00:15:16] Kelli: um, so I mean, at this point, you know, I have a podcast too, so I have a podcast manager that helps me. Um, I have an assistant for my direct sales business that helps me, you know, post in my team and, um, helps me ship things out and, and things like that. Um, I also have a girl that helps me with my quotes for my finally fearless, um, Instagram account.
[00:15:46] Um, so I have a, and then I have a housekeeper as well now. Um, who all who not, who does our house and our laundry, which is magical. Um, and then I own a couple Airbnb. So I’ve got my sister managing those. I mean, you know, you think about Leah, think about like downtown Abby, you you’ve seen that show. Right.
[00:16:08] Leah: Girl, of course. Okay. okay.
[00:16:11] Kelli: So like you see on that show, how it takes like a huge village of people, you know, this huge, uh, all these, um, helpers in the house to like manage one household. And yet as moms we’re like trying to do it all and I finally was like, you cannot do it all. I remember actually I read a blog post that had a cute little printable that said you cannot do it all.
[00:16:34] And I was. that is my new mantra. Like just owning that, like I cannot do it all. And, and I refuse to even try because I will lose my mind and I did lose my mind. And I don’t like to feel that way.
[00:16:47] Leah: Yes. You know, so I always, I have been saying to myself and my mantra has been for years and years and years.
[00:16:53] I can be everything, but I cannot do everything. Mm-hmm because my, my concept was like, I wanna be a great mom. I wanna be a great homemaker. I wanna be a great wife. I wanna be an amazing business owner, a great boss, a great, um, you know, great to my clients, every area I want to be. Right. And I really wasn’t willing to compromise and I wanna be a great friend and a great daughter and a great sister.
[00:17:18] And like the list keeps going on and I’m, I’m not really willing to compromise. You wanna be perfect. right. I dunno if I, if I am for perfect, but I did wanna be great. And I realized like, I. Cannot do everything. So in order to have this great home, I get help. I have someone who comes in and who, who cleans for me.
[00:17:39] I have, you know, my kids honestly help a ton. Um, outsourcing meal planning meal prep has been away because I think there’s different forms of delegating. There is the very, very obvious, which is you hire someone, right? Mm-hmm we both. Teams that help us between our virtual assistants, our podcast managers.
[00:17:59] Um, I have a Pinterest manager. I have, uh, someone who does editing. I have, I mean, there’s a lot of different people on the team that help, but there’s other ways to delegate. And that’s as simple as like those, those meal planning kits. Right. I’ve done. Hello, fresh. I’ve done. Um, I can’t think of the healthier one, but I’ve done that one.
[00:18:18] And then I actually took that one even a step further by we did three meals a week. So we only picked the meals once. Right. Three of the dinners are taken care of. And then my kids were each in charge of making one dinner a week. So they got to pick the meal. They wanted to make out of hello, fresh that week.
[00:18:34] And they were in charge of making it. So they learned how to cook. They learned they were, you know, helping our family and three nights a week. I don’t have to think about what’s for dinner. I don’t even have to make dinner that only left, you know, that. Four and yeah, one of those we’re gonna do takeout.
[00:18:52] One of those is spend for yourself. Now I’m down to two basically, and then one love it. Like basically I make Sunday dinner. I do a Sunday dinner and the rest is pretty much, I sometimes make one other dinner a week and the rest is all taken care of. So mm-hmm, , that’s. That’s a simple way to delegate that doesn’t even take hiring something or you think about, you know, a lot of brain energy goes into figuring out what you’re going to eat.
[00:19:16] Mm-hmm meal planning, doing those meal kits, you know, we’ve, we’ve liked and done hello, fresh. And it’s taught the kids how to cook, which has been really fun. Mm-hmm um, there’s like daily harvest with the like, you know, drink the, uh, healthy protein type veggie fruit. Blender drinks, smoothies. Yeah. Gosh, I could not, could not get there.
[00:19:36] Um, so that makes it, I don’t have to think about what am I gonna do for breakfast. Right. I just grab one of those throw in the blender done. So sometimes it’s just looking for, how can we just simplify what’s the simplest way to solve this and not have to overthink it too much, right? Yeah,
[00:19:53] Kelli: totally. I mean, even.
[00:19:56] um, I’m trying to remember the name of the book by Greg McEwen. The one about that
[00:20:00] Leah: I read my, I know one you’re talking about, um,
[00:20:05] Kelli: where he talks about making, you know, how can we make things easier? And that book was a game changer for me. If you, you might have to look it up, we, but it’s not essentialism.
[00:20:16] It’s the other one. effortless.
[00:20:20] Leah: What is it limitless? Isn’t it effort effortless? Yes. It’s effortless. That one is, so that is so, so good. Oh, good. Did you have him on the podcast for effortless, for
[00:20:30] Kelli: effortless? Yes. I had him in our book club and on my podcast and interviewed him and that book. I mean, both his books have been hugely impactful on my life, but that one, I just love the idea of why not choose the easy route even today.
[00:20:47] I was, I wanted to plan a birthday party for my friend and I was talking to my husband. I’m like, ah, do I do it a surprise party? Or do I have her involved? And he was like, what’s the easiest way? And I was like, uh, having her involved, you know, so she can help me know who to invite and everything. And it’s like a.
[00:21:06] Like it’s literally happening to tomorrow. It’s very spontaneous. And so I was like, yeah, it just always, but sometimes we, we guilt trip ourself to do like the hardest way, cuz we’re like, no, I should overcomplicate this and go all out. And it’s like, no, it still can be amazing if you do the easiest way.
[00:21:25] And so anyway, that’s been huge. That’s another way to like, delegate or lighten your load is just to like choose the easier
[00:21:31] Leah: way yes. Oh, so, okay. I wanna take a minute and just put in a plug for your book club and your podcast, which we will link in the show notes. Uh, but they’re absolutely amazing. So you have this.
[00:21:44] Personal development book club. It has over 5,000 women in it. And you guys choose you choose a book every month. I get to be honored to get help with that process. As, as your business coach, I get very excited at some of ’em we get to read. Yes. And then, um, and then you bring the author in and you interview him and everyone in the book club gets to listen to it live and.
[00:22:06] Here, listen, in on this amazing, you know, book club discussion with the author, and then that turns into a podcast. So we will make sure we link. Not only to the Greg McEwen episode. Cause that one is so good. And I highly recommend that everybody reads his books. They are both super powerful, literally. And you’re in my coaching call today when we were trying to figure out something, we were like, what’s the simplest way.
[00:22:30] Yeah. And we solved it and we were like, there there’s your solution. That’s the way you were gonna do it. Um, so that thought of what is the simplest way to do that. You know, you shared at the very beginning, no more homemade cakes. I figured out that same thing. Now here’s the thing. If it’s, somebody’s like joy, if they are great at baking and they love it, then that’s the thing they should do.
[00:22:51] Right. And let something else go. But I am a horrible baker. And I remember coming to that same reality when the kids were little, I’m like. Oh, yeah, I’ll donate to the, you know, the cupcakes or the cookies or the bake sale, or, you know, deliver treats to the class. But guess what? I, mine are gonna be bougie cuz that’s the way I roll.
[00:23:10] I’m just gonna buy really, really expensive ones cuz that would remove the guilt for the fact that homemade. So like, okay, well mine, aren’t gonna be homemade, but they’re gonna come from the really killer bakery and they’re gonna BES or they’re gonna be, I love that. That was my way of simplifying and being able to acknowledge that I did have these feelings around like, oh, but it should be homemade, but I really don’t have the time for that.
[00:23:36] And that was how, that was how I, like, I guess compensated. And I do not apologize for that. Like that, that felt good. That worked for me. And I’ve never looked back. I’ve never, never felt bad about that. So yeah. Nothing’s ever gonna be homemade. There’s no, well, I’ll cook, but there’s no baking homemade. It is going to.
[00:23:55] some, some semi-homemade version or yeah, completely done for me version from some amazing bakery.
[00:24:02] Kelli: yeah. Well, and the magical thing about. Delegating and automating and, you know, eliminating is that it frees up more time for you to focus on your strengths and I, instead of your weaknesses, like for me, making cakes not good at it, why, why would I waste time on that?
[00:24:19] So it, it allows me to focus on my strengths and same with you. And when you start focusing on your strength and spending time on and doing the things that you’re good at, there’s just something magical. I feel like it’s like the law of attraction that you’re in. You’re like in your element. And you’re like, um, at a high vibe, you know, you’re at a higher vibration.
[00:24:41] And so I feel like you attract better things to you and the, the clients that you want and the experiences that you want because you’re in a high, very vibration, you know, you’re living like a more intentional, meaningful life.
[00:24:56] Leah: A men. I agree so much, you know, I’m thinking about the, the whole dinner thing.
[00:25:03] Mm-hmm for. Coming outta my office at the end of the day, you know, right before the kids are gonna get home and realizing, oh, I didn’t think of what, what to do for dinner. I don’t have a plan. It would instantly bring me down. I. Feel discouraged and frustrated with myself. And why can’t I do this when I decided to just simplify and say, we’re doing meal prep kits and I’m totally okay with every Tuesday is taco Tuesday and we will be, you know, getting tacos for takeout and Friday can be pizza and Sunday I’ll make dinner and Saturdays date night and one night spend for yourself done.
[00:25:38] Right, right. When, when I simplified that I was able to then focus on my genius zone, which is just interacting with the kids, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t be really present with them. When in the back of my mind, I’m still trying to solve the problem of what the heck is for dinner. You know, thinking about that and realizing your, your genius zone.
[00:26:04] Is where, and it’s what, like, I really love this. And so the kids are making dinner and a lot of times I come in and I’ll be like, I’ll be your sous chef. What do you need me to chop for you? Or I’m just sitting there chatting with them while they’re, while they’re working on their meal or mm-hmm, , I’m not thinking about anything cuz it was take out and therefore, you know, we can all just sit and, and eat and play a game and that’s yeah.
[00:26:25] That’s when I’m like, this was the best thing you and I. I know you’ve heard this, this quote too, of the good, better, best, right. Mm-hmm and it’s like, yeah, you can be doing good things. You can be doing better things or you can be doing the best things. I feel like for the majority of us, the everyone listening to this.
[00:26:45] Our lives. Aren’t really filled with too many bad things. Maybe a little too much, you know, trashy TV and a little too much scrolling or whatever, but we’re, we’re filling our lives with good things. So now it becomes how do we level up and start focusing on the better things and then the best things and letting go of making the homemade cakes or being, you know, I’m supposed to do all the meal, prep myself, and it’s all on my shoulders.
[00:27:11] And I have to figure this all. I’m supposed to do all the laundry and I can’t let anybody help me, or I need to do all the steps for my blog or my podcast or my, uh, launch or whatever it is that people have when we decide that we are required to do all of it. We’re not being true to what we’re best at mm-hmm and it suffers.
[00:27:34] Yeah. And I
[00:27:34] Kelli: think that often it comes from a place of fear. Yes. Like of fear of letting go fear of someone not being able to do it as well as you. Um, but I think that when we, um, you know, when we do let go, it just allows us to be so much more intentional, but we have to be, but we have to be willing to like, Uh, be vulnerable a little bit and, you know, let someone else help you and let someone else maybe make some mistakes by, you know, not folding the clothes exactly how you would or whatever, you know what I mean?
[00:28:16] Leah: Or dinner, you can always, whatever. Yep.
[00:28:19] Kelli: Yeah. Like you can always train them otherwise, but it’s. for me. I just, I didn’t wanna be bitter anymore. And I was just, I would rather be the mom that’s like chilling and talking to my kids and like in a happy place than the mom, that’s like bitter at them or always like clean up, do it this way.
[00:28:39] Dah, dah, dah, dah. I, you know, it was like, for me, I’m always, it’s either one way or the other I’m there’s no middle for me, Leah I’m like all
[00:28:47] Leah: nothing that away 100% or zero, like you are either getting. Peak performance or I cannot crawl out bed. Just leave me beat . Yeah.
[00:28:58] Kelli: So like, I just did not like being that mom that was like, ah, pick up da, da, you know, that was constantly, um, I guess seeking perfection in, in myself and in the kids, you know?
[00:29:11] And when I realized like, Hey, like let’s just live happily and I imperfectly. Lives like it’s imperfect lives than I was so much more
[00:29:23] Leah: happier. Yes. Yeah. Imperfect beauty versus mm-hmm this very stringent, forced perfection and everybody’s frustrated and unhappy. Oh, I agree so much. Okay. Yeah. The last thing I wanna chat about, because I just think that you have done this so well, and I want people to get to here is making time for your spouse because we all talk about.
[00:29:48] You know, kids versus business that gets talked about all the time. True mm-hmm , but I don’t think people talk enough about making our marriages a priority, making our, our partner get to feel as important as they did when we were dating. And when we were in the newlywed stage and you and I yeah. Have both been married a long.
[00:30:08] We’re both over 20 years now. Yeah. And so, um, we’ve, we’ve had some time, uh, to like figure this out and get it right. And, and we’ve both had times where we got it wrong, like full concussion. We’re not perfect by any stretch. So, um, I know that both of us make dating our spouse a huge priority. So will you kind of share what that looks like in your marriage?
[00:30:33] Kelli: Yeah. Um, I think one of the re one of the things that started this also I’ve. Matt. And I have been doing weekly date nights since my oldest son was two. He’s now 18. So, um, we started 16 years ago and we’ve been doing it ever since. And I think it’s cuz I read the love languages. Book, um, again, books, just personal development mix books have had such an impact on my life, a positive impact.
[00:31:02] And that one was fascinating to learn my love languages and to learn my husband’s love language. Well, my love language is quality time and I realized I didn’t feel like I was getting quality time from my husband, because it’s so hard when you have little, little kids, right. To feel like you’re getting.
[00:31:21] An uninterrupted conversation or just, you know, him looking you in the eyes or, or that, you know, time to hang out and do fun things together. And so we started all the way back then. And even when I had, you know, two other babies, after that, I would bring the baby, you know, cause I was nursing and stuff. I would bring the baby and leave the other two and we would go out to eat.
[00:31:45] And um, so we made it work. Right. And, and we always just. Date night is Saturday night. It’s always the reason we chose Saturday night, Leah is because by the end of Saturday, you know, all the kids are home from school on Saturday. By the end of Saturday night, we were like, ha, we need to get out. Like we need to get away.
[00:32:07] So that is why it’s on Saturday night and not Friday night. Um, and so, so anyway, it’s always been Saturday night and that’s just been really great for us because, um, We know that no matter how crazy the week gets, we, we have Saturday night to look forward to and we used to even do, um, Thursday night was like our TV night.
[00:32:30] Leah: Um, we used to do similar things like that too. Okay. So yeah. So with date nights, we do the exact same thing. We do a weekly date night. We have forever. Um, how do you keep date night from becoming boring? Okay. If you know, every single week you’ve got a date night, I think people are probably wondering. how do you keep it?
[00:32:53] Where it doesn’t just become like, oh, it’s something we have to do versus being versus looking forward to it. Being excited.
[00:32:59] Kelli: Yeah. I mean, I feel like you should be answering that. Um, I’m gonna tell you that ours. I, and I do think we’ll answer too. We’ll both share you answer. I I’ll be the other, the opposite end in that we, because I have to keep it simple.
[00:33:15] It’s like we get in the car and we. Where do you wanna go? What do you wanna do? Okay. It’s very spontaneous. Okay. Um, it’s like, what do you feel like eating where, you know, so I’m gonna be honest. We don’t plan them in advance and, but I’m gonna say they’re not boring because number one, I get to eat out it’s and I’m a huge foodie.
[00:33:33] So there’s that. Um, and it’s just uninterrupted conversation with my husband, so I don’t consider it boring. Even if we do. You know, eating out and then just going to like the grocery store , which is
[00:33:46] Leah: sometimes case, I think that is what you have to do. And like, nobody there, we have had those kinda dates too, where it’s like, I really need to hit up Costco.
[00:33:54] Can we, uh, like go to Costco in season?
[00:33:57] Kelli: yeah. But, um, so that’s kind of your typical day night, and I’m totally okay with that. Um, okay. But you need to share your, your, your tricks cuz you have some good.
[00:34:08] Leah: Okay. Well, I love that because, and I always think it’s so helpful. Like I wanna hear more than one way it works, right?
[00:34:14] Yeah. So then I can like, okay, well what would work for us? So I love that. So we definitely sometimes do that. Like, it is very like, all right, let’s, let’s go out. What are we doing? And we’re making it up on the fly. Um, when my kids were littler, especially, and I really was like, I need an outlet now. I feel like we, all of our, you know, two of our kids drive, they, they all take care of themselves a lot more.
[00:34:36] So we actually probably. A couple date nights a week. You know, some that’s are very, very spontaneous, like nobody know is gonna notice. If we leave right now, let’s go. And we like, you know, go have it, have lunch or, or whatever. And then we, we have more of like our formal, you know, like planned date night mm-hmm um, when the kids were younger, one of the things that I did is.
[00:34:58] And I don’t even know if it’s a thing anymore, but living social and Groupon, I would buy tons and tons of those. I mean, I would go through all the time. Right. And I’d look, and I’d just rack ’em up. So then when we’re getting ready for date night, I’d be like, all right, we got salsa. CELs we’ve got glass blowing, we’ve got this restaurant we’ve got, I mean, I would just literally buy all these different things.
[00:35:18] So it, we didn’t have to think too hard. We just went to the list and like, what do we wanna do? Mm-hmm another time. Uh, when we were, when we were first, first married, we both came up with 25 things we would like to do for a date. We put ’em into a jar and then we would pull one out. So, oh, cute. Sometimes it would be something totally for him going to a sporting event.
[00:35:38] Other times it would be something totally for me going and getting pedicures, which he loves pedicures. So he never complains about that. Mm-hmm um, but we would, you know, kind of shift so that, that would help. We also really love alternating between group dates and double dates and things like that. And then dates just the two of us.
[00:35:55] So that changes it up a bit.
[00:35:57] Kelli: Yes. Right. Highly. I, I highly recommend double dates cuz it, it shows like a different side of your husband. Don’t you think?
[00:36:03] Leah: Yes. It’s so fun. Yeah. We do a lot, a lot of, um, group dates and double dates. Mm-hmm and it’s really fun. And especially, you know, just kinda putting on your radar, what things are coming into town, what things are happening.
[00:36:16] We have a couple comedians that we love. And so we’ll, you know, if we notice they’re coming into town, we like send out the mass text who wants to go yeah. Right. And create, you know, those kind of fun things, fun things also. So I think, you know what, it’s just what
[00:36:31] Kelli: that just made me think of, um, my friend was telling me about he you’ve gotta get this.
[00:36:35] It there’s a scratch off book. Um, and it’s called the adventure challenge and it’s, there’s a couple’s edition that has 50 scratch off adventures and date night games for couples. And you literally just like, so if it’s kind of the combination of what I do and what you do, so it’s like you get in the car and instead of just doing your norm, you would scratch it off and you have
[00:36:58] Leah: to do whatever it says.
[00:36:59] You just find out here’s what we’re doing. Oh, I like it. Okay. Here’s what we’re doing. We’ll link it in the show notes. So everyone can go to balancing busy. podcast.com and you’ll find, you’ll find the episode. You can find this. Okay. That’s that’s a fun one. So we both do the weekly date nights. We both do getaways.
[00:37:18] We both have made that a priority too. Yes. And we do, ’em a little different, but that’s also been a thing. So tell us how you do yours.
[00:37:27] Kelli: Yeah. So when we first got married, I remember, um, an older man that went to church with us, gave us like the best advice. He was like, listen, you’ve gotta make quarter.
[00:37:38] overnighter is a priority. He’s like, that’s been huge for my marriage. And I was like, I’m down, cuz I am all about fun. So I’m like, yes, let’s get outta here and go on an overnighter. so, um, we have been doing that for 22 years and um, we will just, you know, sometimes it was harder when we lived away from family and you know, our kids were a lot younger.
[00:38:04] and we’ve always, we’ve lived away from family, most of our marriage. Um, but now that our kids are older and we can, we, you know, we can leave them overnight. Sometimes that’s been great. We’ll just go to a local hotel. Like we don’t even like leave this state. Yeah. We’ll just go to a local hotel, go out to dinner, swim in the pool, whatever, you know, we’ve, we’ve gotten like bike ride, you know how some hotels give.
[00:38:31] The free bikes. Um, but those have been some really magical moments that just help you reconnect together. So I highly recommend doing quarterly overnighters, if you can. I
[00:38:46] Leah: love how simple you majors. I’m gonna say, I think, I think we overcomplicated ours a little bit too much Um-huh and so I really, really love like this idea of realiz.
[00:38:57] You can literally go to a hotel in your own town. Yeah. It’s it’s just about getting away with just the two of you. Mm-hmm so we, we do, we do that more now, but when they were younger, we weren’t as good at that. And, and there are seasons, like everybody has to understand it is hard when you don’t have any family near you and you don’t, um, you know, budgets are tight.
[00:39:20] There were definitely times where it was a lot harder for us to get away. We would have to pay for someone to watch the kids and pay to getaway and right. Like there was, there was just a lot more so mm-hmm you can make it simpler and, and, and maybe it’s even as simple as if the budget is really, really tight, we’re gonna stay home.
[00:39:39] We’re sending the kids away for the night. There you go. Yeah. I mean, right. Like make it work. I love that for you. However you need to make it work. So we do, we, we implemented. and this was actually beautifully because of Taylor’s mom. So Taylor’s mom sat us down when we were first married and said, you need to have time.
[00:39:58] Just the two of you. You have to keep reconnecting because one day your kids are gonna be gone. And when they are, you have to still love being around each other. And, um, and so. She said, I will watch your kids for one week, every single year. And so we implemented, I know. Isn’t that amazing? So we that’s so sweet.
[00:40:15] I know, I know. I understand that. That is not everybody’s everybody’s, you know, everybody gets that. We were so, so blessed and just so lucky mm-hmm and so we would do every other vacation. So for the whole time the kids were growing up. vacation with the kids vacation, just the two of us vacation with the kids vacation, just the two of us.
[00:40:35] And we would trade ’em off. And when we were, when, when the kids were little, oh, their vacations were like, they got this short end of the stick. We’d be like, we’re taking you camping. And then we’d be like, we’re going Thailand. And we’re you to Disney, which is awesome. But then we’d be like, and we’re gonna Disney world.
[00:40:56] I love it. We totally went, but we always trade. Traded off and obviously as means got better and better, you know, it got easier and, and all those things, but we’ve always had that. And then we typically do one to two weekends a year where we do something with friends, which we love. Like we have an annual trip in February where we all go to park city for a ski trip.
[00:41:21] Uh, we, you know, usually have one other trip that we do with another couple. So we kind of introduce those. And then we typically. Um, I don’t know how, what it breaks down to, but we, we live up in the mountains and our city, which is like Seattle Bellevue for those who know, like, so we’ll go there. It’s gotten, as the kids get older, it’s getting much, much more frequent cuz now they’re fine by themselves.
[00:41:46] So, so now we’re, it’s a lot more often, but we’ll go, you know, for a night and we’re hitting up our favorite restaurants. We’re getting a massage. We’re doing some shopping. I mean, we love it. It’s so much fun. Oh, fun. Fun. But that’s not what it always looked like. Like that’s the ideal now that we have, you know, kids who are about to graduate high school and like full on, you know, on the cusp of adulthood, when they were younger, it was as simple as like, oh, grandparents are gonna take the kids for a night.
[00:42:14] We’re just staying in and having a night to ourselves. So it’s whatever, you know, whatever. we each in our season of life need it to be, but it’s just prioritizing. Right. It’s just prioritizing yeah. Each other and making time to reconnect with one another. However, that looks,
[00:42:32] Kelli: yeah. And I think it’s so important for your kids to see that, you know, we, we have the mom guilt, right.
[00:42:37] Of like, oh, I don’t wanna leave my kids for X amount of days or whatever. And I think it’s so important for them to see that you are making each other a priority, you know?
[00:42:49] Leah: Yes, it it’s so important cuz we want them to have happy, amazing relationships. Then we need to model that we need them to get, to see happy, amazing relationships.
[00:43:01] And, and that’s a work in progress. They’re also gonna see. You know the mistakes too, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I think we would do them a disservice if they only saw perfection, because then when they can’t leave live up to that, they think there’s something wrong with them. Mm-hmm , it’s, you know, we’re certainly not, not suggesting that we need to show this perfect relationship cuz no one has that, but I agree.
[00:43:23] I think they need to see that love that gives them safety and security. And, and it’s something to work on, you know, like we’re, we’re all where we’re at and that’s okay. And, and I know that everyone’s in different relationships, different situations. And so wherever we are, when we show, you know, just presence and love and making our kids feel like they’re a priority and the things that we say matter to us, that they can see that those are a priority then yeah.
[00:43:53] Then that’s, that’s what matters.
[00:43:56] Kelli: Yeah. Totally.
[00:43:58] Leah: Oh, so good. Okay. Kelly, I could talk to you forever and ever as we have many, a times real same , but we will, we will wrap it up. Everybody. This episode has had so much, goodness, I definitely encourage you to go to the show notes cuz we will link to the things that we’ve talked about and shared.
[00:44:17] Um, Kelly has some amazing, amazing. Opportunities for you. You can join her book club for free. So we’ll make sure we link to that. So you can go and be part of it because as you can tell, yes, come join the fun yes. And like she loves personal development books. I love personal development books. You know, I was thinking about this morning, how we’re always told the people, you know, the five people you surround yourself with.
[00:44:40] Right. Like that concept, we’ve all heard it. Yeah. And I was thinking about how in the early. I couldn’t change the people I was physically around, but I could change the thoughts I was being surrounded by. And I changed that through audiobooks, through personal development books, through podcasts, right?
[00:44:58] Like I was surrounding myself with the thoughts of the kind of people I wanted to be. And I wanted to be surrounded by, until those actually became my people. And I still, I still surround myself with those, those books and podcasts, because they are so powerful. And so this book club. You know, if you’re thinking about, oh, the five people I surround myself with, aren’t maybe the very best you need to be part of this book club, because it’s gonna elevate you by two, you’re surrounded by Kelly and these incredible thought leaders.
[00:45:28] So, yeah, it’s amazing. So we’ll link to all that. Thank you so much for being part of this podcast. Thank you.
[00:45:35] Kelli: Such a and y’all need to listen to Leah cuz she has, she is the queen of balancing busy. Like truly I am always in awe at how intentional you are and how good you are at just, um, balancing the things like prioritizing the things that are important to you.
[00:45:54] It’s anyway, so everyone just, you just, she is a gem and you all need to listen to everything she says .
[00:46:01] Leah: Aw, thank you. Thank you. Thanks everybody. We will see you next time. Bye.