Why You Need Boundaries In Your Business (Episode 11) - leahremillet.com

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Why You Need Boundaries In Your Business (Episode 11)

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Today you get to jump in to a part of a live group coaching call from inside my paid group coaching membership. (You can get onto the waitlist for Growth Getters here) This membership is designed for business owners who are ready to reach 6 figures and beyond, but who want to do it effectively and efficiently. One of the perks of this membership is that all members can submit any questions and I’ll answer or coach them through during our live GG Coaching Calls. You’re about to hear a portion of one of those calls!

 

In this particular coaching call, we had two really great questions come in that so many can relate to!

Q1: I started my business to have freedom, but it’s anything but. How do I get back on track?

Q2: My spouse doesn’t support my business anymore, what do I do?

 

At first glance, you might not think these two problems have much in common, but they do!

Boundaries!

 

QUESTION 1: HOW DO I GET BACK ON TRACK? 

We all start with this idea that we are going to start a business that’s going to create more freedom. We’re gonna make some money, we’re gonna have more time, and it’s gonna be amazing. But so often that is not what happens. Instead of being the business owner, we become the employee. What’s happening is that we are constantly just trading time for money and we’re making ourselves too available. And so instead of having this feeling of freedom, we feel more trapped than ever.

So how do we fix it? It absolutely comes down to setting boundaries. The first thing that I want you to do is get crystal clear on your priorities. What is the most important thing to you? Once you know that, you can ask yourself how you can make your business bless your priority. In my case, my number one priority is my family. So I would ask myself, “How can my business bless my family?”

Once we understand this, we can start to look and say, “what boundaries do I need to set for my business?”

I got this completely wrong at the beginning. I had zero boundaries around my business and my family suffered for it. The first boundary I had to set was business hours. I had to stop being available for everyone 24/7. This one thing helped SO MUCH.

The second thing you can do to get back on track is to make sure you have really good systems set up for these things that you’re doing over and over so that you’re not having to reinvent everything again and again. What’s the simplest way to solve some of these things that you’re doing all the time, so that you can clean it up and make it simpler.

What are some of the tasks that you’re doing that really aren’t serving you, that really aren’t helping?  They’re not driving more profit. They’re not bringing in more clients. They’re just busy work. Can you get rid of some of that stuff?

 

When I was at my worst, I really believed my entire business might crumble if I wasn’t there every second of the day and so much of my identity was wrapped into my business. It’s natural and normal to have some of our identity in our businesses, but it’s not all our identity.  We want to make sure we’re okay with saying I can step away from my business and that is totally fine.

The last thing I would suggest is batching your work. When you’ve batched out your social media, when you’ve batched out your blog and content, when you batch out creating your podcast episodes, life gets easier. Instead of thinking, oh shoot, I need to create a blog post or a newsletter or a post, because it needs to go out today, you’re doing those early and they’re ready for you. So that makes it easier to step away. And when it’s easy to step away, it’s easier to not get burned out and not have scramble to get back on track.

 

QUESTION 2: WHEN YOUR SPOUSE STOPS SUPPORTING YOUR BUSINESS 

This is gonna be a little bit of a tough love conversation.

I needed it too once. So let me just tell you, you are not alone in any way. This is such a common thing that happens, so give yourself some grace. Let me just get really, really clear and to the point of what most likely happened when you first started your business.

You were excited, you were optimistic, you were positive. You were painting a picture that seemed awesome. And you were so excited, little things would happen and you’d share the wins and it was all good things. I’m gonna guess that if things have gone negative and your spouse is not supporting anymore, that you forgot to stop talking about the good things that happen.

My guess (and it’s super common) is that you started only sharing the negative. You’re talking about everything that’s bad in your business — every client that’s hard, every problem that you’re dealing with, etc. Your spouse is seeing all the stress, all the negativity, all the angst. When everything sounds negative it can feel hard to support something that is bringing you down. Maybe you don’t have good boundaries in place.

Again, it comes down to boundaries. 

If the boundaries aren’t there, your spouse may be feeling neglected. They’re feeling like they come second that they’re on the back burner, right? If we are really getting to it, you’re not doing what you say you were going to do. I was so guilty of this. I am going to confess right now. I can’t tell you how many times I said, “just give me 30 minutes” and hours later, I’d come to bed. “I just need to finish this one thing,” and he would fall asleep by himself waiting for me, because hours had gone by.

We need to do what we say we’re gonna do. If you tell your kids you’re gonna be done at this time, if you tell your spouse you’re gonna be done at this time, then you need to be done. If you say you’re available, you need to be available. If you’re with them, be with them.

So if you are struggling with friends or family not seeming to support you anymore, I want you to check: “am I only sharing the negative? Have I allowed my business to take over where I’m not fully present and there? Am I not doing what I say I’m going to do when I say I’m going to be there? Am I not fulfilling my commitment?”

Do what you say you’re going to do. I mean, those are words to live by in every single situation, right?

 

It’s crazy how two seemingly different questions and problems can both be solved by getting real with your boundaries. I invite you to explore these questions and see if there are places in your business that could benefit from better boundaries (spoiler: there 100% are!)

 

 

LINKS YOU’LL LOVE:

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[00:00:00] Welcome to this episode of the balancing busy podcast.

[00:00:07] We are about to jump into a coaching call that I had with my group coaching membership growth getters. Now this is a place for women entrepreneurs who want to build a six figure and beyond business, but they want to do it with boundaries. In other words, they wanna have time to have an amazing life.

[00:00:25] Great family. Awesome marriage and build an incredible business. We are all about the anti hustles growth approach.

[00:00:34] We’re going to be jumping in and you’re going to hear me answer two questions that were asked in our group membership. The first question was asked by a member who wants to know how she gets herself back on track. She started her business with a goal freedom. She wanted to have more time, freedom. And yet that is the opposite of what she’s feeling.

[00:00:54] She wants to know. How does she get on. Where does she start? What does this look like? The second question is actually really, really closely connected. And that is when you lose the support of your spouse. So she started her business. She had her spouse’s support and somewhere along the way it was lost.

[00:01:15] And this really comes down to two. Things that happen and I’m gonna share what those two things are. So let’s go ahead, jump into this episode. I can’t wait for you to listen in. And if you are interested in joining my group coaching membership, it is not open right now. Sorry, but you can get on the wait list to find out when it does open.

[00:01:36] And I’ll give you a little hint. There may be a really, really incredible black Friday sale, so you can get on the wait list by going to the website. Looking up the group coaching, or just go ahead and go to Gigi slash balancing busy.com. And I will have a quick spot where you can drop in your name and email address, so you can be on the list to find out when it’s back.

[00:02:04] Okay. Let’s jump into this episode.

[00:02:08] Okay. I feel so far from what I originally wanted to create for myself. Freedom. How do I get back on track? Mm. So the honest truth is we really all start. We all start with this idea that we are going to start a business. That’s going to create more freedom. We’re gonna make some money. We’re gonna have more time.

[00:02:33] It’s gonna be amazing. And so often that is not what happens. We there, if you’ve ever read the em myth by Michael Gerber, it’s this idea that we don’t learn how to be the business owner. We’re being the, the employee. Basically we’re being the person who’s doing all the things were always in our business and not enough on our business.

[00:03:00] Okay. And what’s happening is that we are we’re, we’re constantly just trading time for money and, and we’re making ourselves probably too available. And so we, instead of having this feeling of freedom, we feel more trapped than ever. We feel more connected, more like, you know, oh my gosh, I’m always needed.

[00:03:21] I, I, I have to take care of them right. This moment. So how do we fix. This comes down to setting boundaries. It absolutely is about setting boundaries. Now, the first thing that I want you to do, the very first thing is I want you to get crystal clear on your priorities. What is the most important thing to you?

[00:03:46] And I want you to ask yourself why, like, what is the most important thing. This, why this, why this until you really get to either where you feel like you’re crying or you are like, like you’ve, you’ve reached your like, yes. Okay. Once you know what your priority is, then I want you to say, okay, how is my business?

[00:04:09] How can my business bless my priority for me, it absolutely comes down to my absolute priority is being a wife and a mother hands down. That is it. I, those are, that is my, that is my priority. My priority is always going to be my family. That is my priority. So when I get crystal clear on that, and I say, and here is the why here is the why.

[00:04:32] Here is the why, because I truly believe that if, if I were to fail at that. It would, it would be my undoing. Like I, that I’m, I, I will not okay with that. And so knowing that I then look and I say, okay, my absolute priority is my family. And my business brings me great joy. I love it. How can I make my business?

[00:04:55] Bless my family. Well, and my business is making some really good money that would bless my family, but. If my business is making really great money, but I can’t step away from it. I can’t, I can’t be present for them. That’s no longer a blessing. Right. So I’m really getting clear, I’m understanding like, okay, but what would get in the way of this?

[00:05:15] So that means my business making money and my business. Not dominating my business, being, being controlled, being within boundaries is going to make my highest priority, which is my family. It’s going to bless my family. Right. So in understanding this, I can start to look and say, okay, what boundaries do I need to set for my business?

[00:05:39] And I got this completely wrong at the beginning. You guys know this at the very beginning. I, I just hadn’t figured this all out yet. And so, you know, I wanted to have my business to bless my family cause we really needed money. Cause my husband was still in graduate school and um, and I worked really hard and I got my business to start producing that income and it was amazing.

[00:05:58] But my family, it was, it was at that. It was at that expense, like, because I was so tied in, right. I couldn’t get away. I, I had to be in it and I was constantly being pulled back to it. And so I wasn’t present with, with what mattered most. So we need to get super, super clear on why did you start this business?

[00:06:18] What are your priorities? What matters most to you? Okay. First get there once you’ve gotten there. What boundaries does your business need to have to keep these in a good positive place? Because we are not just about being business owners here. We are women entrepreneurs. We are wives and moms and caregivers and friends, and we are so many things and we need to figure out how we do these both well.

[00:06:43] So boundaries need to be created for your business. And I’ll share at the, when I first really started realizing this and, and wanting to create boundaries for my own business. Um, the first one was business. I was no longer going to be like, oh, I’m basically available 24 7 I’m you know, gonna keep working, keep working.

[00:07:01] If someone says they need something, I get a voicemail or a text message or a call or DM. Oh, I have to go take care of it right now. No, I do not. It can wait to the next day that happened for hundreds of years in the business world. It is. Okay. Um, there is no, you know, life threatening, emergency. 99.9% of the time.

[00:07:21] It can wait. So, um, so I set business hours. Okay. These are when I’m going to work. These are my business hours. Now that was a lot easier when my kids were in school. All day, right? Like it was great. Okay. I could get my kids off on the bus wave goodbye. And then I work and I would have, you know, one day a week where I went into their classroom.

[00:07:44] So my hours were like, okay, I have all day school day, then half school day because I’m in their classroom then all day school day, then half school day because, um, I, you know, that was like time to run errands and then an all day school day. So I, I set those hours now, before my kids were in school. I didn’t have that luxury.

[00:08:02] So that meant I had to look for how is this gonna work? And I, and I had to really get intentional with prioritizing and doing the right things and, and not getting sidetracked. Um, and it was like, I had a couple mornings that I worked a couple hours. On certain days while they were in preschool and nap times, which, you know, sometimes works sometimes doesn’t.

[00:08:20] And then I had a couple, um, nights a week where it was like, okay honey, it’s your job to put the kids to bed right after dinner, you play with them. You give them baths, you get ’em to bed. And that’s my work time. And I had to get over my guilt and I had to just help myself realize like, I get to have them just one, one on three, but me with them all the time, he doesn’t cause he’s he’s out.

[00:08:42] And so this is his chance to get that one on three, one on one time with them. And that’s really special. And he deserves that and I don’t need to feel guilty. I need to know that this is a gift for them to bond with him also. And so I really had to talk myself through that. Cause there was this like, oh my gosh, I can hear them.

[00:08:57] You know, like I should, I should be doing it. And I had to like get over that and. And during that, and it was a season, right. It was just a season. Um, during that time though, that was, that was how I got some work chunks in. So figure out when that’s probably your first boundary is like, what are the work hours going to be?

[00:09:17] Um, and then the next thing is how can I build in some systems, some automation or some systems for these things that I’m doing over and over and over so that you’re not having to reinvent everything again and again, and. Like, how can you just simplify? What’s the simplest way to solve some of these things that you’re doing all the time, so that you can clean it up and, and make it simpler.

[00:09:39] What are some of the tasks that you’re doing that really aren’t serving you? That really aren’t helping? They’re not, they’re not driving more profit. They’re not bringing in more clients. They’re just busy work. Can you get rid of some of that stuff? Um, I highly encourage you to go back to the foundations and, and, um, And the we’ll make sure we link these in, but like go back to those foundation ones of, of getting organized, of getting more, um, increasing your productivity, those foundations, those are going to help you get the right things in place and help you really start building those boundaries.

[00:10:13] Um, I, in, in one of those, I can’t even remember which one, but I share how, like I put my hours on the door so that everybody can see them. I come out for lunch for an hour every single day so that I can answer. And, you know, help the kids and take care of anything. And we all eat lunch together. Um, I say, here’s what time I’m gonna be done so that they don’t need to feel this constant.

[00:10:32] Like, I dunno when she’s gonna come out. So I need to interrupt. They know when I’m coming out. So they know like, unless it’s an emergency, mom’s gotta get her stuff done. And then I give myself permission to not, not need to be in here all the time. It’s perfectly okay. To take whole days and be like, I’m not gonna work on the business today.

[00:10:49] And guess what? It still. Keeps on moving with me with me taking time. It’s funny because when I was, when I was at my worst, I really believed that like my entire business was gonna crumble if I wasn’t there every, and, and I look at that now and I’m like, really? I feel like it was, uh, This isn’t the right word, but almost a pride thing.

[00:11:15] Like I just, I wanted to believe that like I was needed so bad. I had to be, and, and I got so much of my, um, so much of my identity was wrapped into my business. And, and we love our, our businesses. We’re passionate about helping people. So it’s, it’s natural and yes, uh, we are gonna have some of our identity in our businesses.

[00:11:37] That’s normal, we’re human, but it’s not all my identity, my greatest identity. It comes in being a mom and a wife. And, and loving those two jobs. Like, I love those, those roles that I get to play. And so I wanna make sure I’m working really hard on those two and doing really well there too, and being okay with saying I can step away from my business and that is totally fine.

[00:12:00] And you know, the way that we do that, if you’re like, Leah, I cannot step away from my business right now, it will fall apart. Okay. That’s that is a really good awareness to come to because that tells us we need to work. Building out some systems for you. We need to work on helping you get things a little bit more organized, a little more structured so that you can step away.

[00:12:23] And, you know, that means batching things, right. If, when you’ve batched out your social media, when you’ve batched out your blog and content, um, when you batch out creating your, your podcast episodes, right? Instead of being like, oh, shoot, I need to create a blog post or a newsletter or a post today. Cuz it needs to go out today.

[00:12:41] You’re doing those early and they’re there. So that’s, that makes it easier to step away. When you have an assistant who can help you, that makes it easier to step away when you set hours and you set expectations for your clients. So they don’t think you’re available 24 7. That makes it easier to. Those times when you can step away.

[00:12:57] So, um, We started our businesses because we wanted to have freedom. We wanted to be able to create more amazing experiences for ourselves, for our family. Um, and the way that you’re going do that is to build boundaries and systems. Into your business so that you are not needed 24 7 so that you are not needed every single day so that you could walk away and know that everything’s gonna be okay, know that it’s gonna keep working.

[00:13:24] Right. Like I was gone all last week. Um, and all the posts were scheduled and everything the newsletter was done and the team was taking care of things. And I knew that I could walk away and, and things would be taken care of. So just recognize. Going back to, why did you start this now? What can we get in place to give you that freedom back?

[00:13:45] And if you wanna go into this even more, let’s chat more about this. So go into that form. I mean, if you wanna be coached like personally on our next call, let’s you and I talk about this even deeper to any of you. Um, cuz this is something that’s really hard and each of us have a unique situation. We’re coming at a unique time, right?

[00:14:03] Like it’s was a very different time when I. Toddlers versus when I had kids in elementary school versus where I am now versus when it’s summer versus when you’ve just built some really bad, um, Um, expectations, um, with your clients and they’re not respecting boundaries, like how the heck, you know, I’ve, I’ve helped several of my I’ve helped several women over the years and of clients of like, okay, I’ve I’ve I, there’s no boundaries.

[00:14:27] I’ve made myself too available. How do I undo this? Those are things we can talk about too. So just so you know, that that is, I am, I am here to help you because I want you to, to feel like you have the. For both. I mean, that’s, you know, getting to the core of, of what I would love to help every single woman here.

[00:14:44] Do I want you to be making great money? I wanna put money in your bank account and I want it to happen in a way that feels really good, like that, that lights you up. I want you to feel lit up when you think about how you’re doing, as you know, in, in all those personal roles, wife, mom, friend, um, Daughter, aunt, whatever, you know, whatever those roles are and in your business that you feel confident like, no, I know what I’m doing.

[00:15:11] I feel really good. Like the right things that are happening in the right places. I know why I’m doing the things I’m doing and it’s working. That is what we are doing. And every single month we’re gonna get closer and closer and every single month we’re going to, to keep working on this and help you scale and grow, and it’s just gonna get better and better.

[00:15:26] Let’s jump into our very last question for today. So our last question is my husband used to totally support my business, but now I don’t feel that at all. It’s really hard on me. What can I do? I see this over and over and over, and this is gonna be a little bit of, uh, a tough love conversation.

[00:15:51] I needed it to once. So let me just tell you, like you are not alone in any way. Such a common, common thing that happened. So give yourself so much, grace do not beat yourself up, but let me just get really, really clear. And to the point of what happened most likely when you first started your business, you were excited, you were optimistic, you were positive and, and you shared here’s.

[00:16:20] What could. Okay. And it, it seemed pretty amazing. You were painting a picture that seemed awesome. And you were so excited and like, you know, little things would happen and you you’d share the wins that it was all these good things. I’m gonna guess that if things have gone negative and, and your spouse is not supporting anymore, that you forgot to stop talking about the good that two things happened.

[00:16:42] Thing, number one, you started only sharing the negative. You’re talking about, you know, everything that’s, that’s bad in, in your business. Every client, that’s hard, every problem that you’re dealing with, oh my gosh, this and this and this and this. And so they’re seeing all the stress, all the negativity, all the, eh, the angst, right?

[00:16:59] That’s that’s what you’re sharing with them. And then. That beautiful picture that you painted. You don’t have the boundaries. This is awesome. These connect so perfectly with our last discussion. Our last question, because the boundaries aren’t there, they’re feeling neglected. They’re feeling like they come second that they’re on the back burner, right?

[00:17:18] You you’re. And probably you, if we are really getting to it, you’re not doing what you say you’re gonna do. And I was so. Guilty of this. Like I am going to confess right now. Um, I can’t tell you how many times I said, just give me 30 minutes hours later. Oh yeah. I’ll I’ll come to bed. I just need to finish this one thing.

[00:17:38] And he would fall asleep by himself because hours had gone by I’ve shared this before. But I remember in, in when this was happening in that house that we lived in, my office was kind of kitty corner to our master bedroom. And so my, my office door like looked straight into our bedroom. And then, um, and I could see our bed.

[00:17:58] And so I remember I would, he’d be like, do you wanna watch a show? Do you wanna watch movie? And I’d be like, oh yeah, that sounds great. Just let me finish this. And, um, and I would go into the office and I would look back and I’d be like, oh good. He’s still like watching ESPN or something. Right. Like he’s still doing something, reading a book, whatever, still waiting.

[00:18:11] And then I’d look back and I’d be like, oh good. I can get a little more done. Oh, good. I can get a little more done. And then I would look back and he’d fall asleep. And that happened over and over and over. And I remember, I remember this moment where I thought I had this, this thought come to me, which.

[00:18:25] What if he stopped waiting for you? And I was like, oh my gosh, this, this is not okay. I would be devastated. Right? Like, why is it okay for me? And I would be devastated if he did that to me. Right? Like, but, but I can because, well, I’m working on my dream. We need to do what we say we’re gonna do. If you tell your kids you’re gonna be done at this time.

[00:18:42] If you tell your spouse you’re gonna be done at this time, then you need to be done. If you say you’re available, you need to be available. If you’re with them, be with them. My husband, um, tells our kids all the time and I love this. And, and we say this in our. If our cell, if your cell phone is up, you are not really there.

[00:18:57] So we, we talk about this and we either have cell phone down. So you’re not seeing if it lights up or it’s not even there. Like, you know, you’re, you’re putting it in your, in your bag. You’re putting it in a drawer. You’re putting it in another room. Um, so look for how do I do a better job, truly being present and being there when I say I’m gonna be there.

[00:19:14] So if you are struggling with friends, family, Um, not seeming to support you anymore. I want you to check, am I only sharing the negative? Am? Have I allowed my business to take over where I’m not fully present and there, when I say what, when I should be, and am I not doing what I say I’m going to do? When I say I’m going to be there?

[00:19:39] Am I not? Am I not fulfilling my commitment? Do what you say you’re going to do. I mean, those are words to live by in every single situation, right? If you say you’re gonna do it, do it like your word is your bond. Do what you say you’re gonna do. If you say you’re gonna be done at a certain time, be done.

[00:19:57] And yeah, it sucks when you’re like crap. I didn’t finish it. I didn’t give myself enough time. It does. It’s hard, but, but what’s more important who matters more, right? Like in the grand scheme and the end of it. Why are you doing all this it’s for them, right. It’s for the experiences with them. So we need to make sure we keep, we keep those boundaries.

[00:20:16] And, and we remember that and we keep that, that in its proper perspective, right. First things first, um, as, as Covey would’ve said,

[00:20:24]

[00:20:25] Well, you just finished hearing me answer those questions within our group coaching membership. I hope it was valuable. And you really got some insights that you can take into your own business and life right away. I was thinking about, you know, when you’re listening to me in group coaching form. Oh my goodness.

[00:20:43] I talk really fast. I get excited. So. I always listen to everything on 1.5 or 2.0 speed. But I bet that’s not even possible with me. I just speak too quickly. You probably have to slow me down. I don’t know, but I hope it was valuable. And I wanted to just take a minute and say, if it was valuable, will you please leave a review wherever you listen to the podcast?

[00:21:03] I know that’s not an easy ask, especially if you’re listening on apple cause they make it so dang tricky to figure out how to leave a review. Just go to. Podcast page will go to on apple and then keep scrolling down. As you scroll down, you’ll find a place where you can leave the stars and then you can leave a review.

[00:21:20] And I wanted to take a moment and read this review that was left recently on apple podcast. And it was from Willow B 46. This is an apple absolute must. This podcast helps me with the issues I deal with every week and helps me manage so that I can improve my relationships, health and earning. Thank you so much for that review.

[00:21:42] I would love to read yours next. So please take a moment and leave your five star review and let everybody know how this podcast can help them. Okay. That’s it for this episode, have an amazing week. . Remember, you are amazing.

[00:21:58] This is possible and it’s your turn.

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