Leah: [00:00:00] Welcome to episode 105, overcoming fear and building confidence with the incredible Paige Dungan. Now, this is a part two. Part one was episode 104. Paige has built and is still in the process of building an incredible confidence. publishing agency. She has worked for the corporate side. She took a big leap of faith and started building something on her own.

Now she knows the ins and outs of publishing. I mean her brain is just brilliant when it comes to anyone with the dream and the vision. To write your own book to get it published and the hardest part of all to actually get it out into the world. So that’s what we talked about in episode 104. But now I want to take a shift and I really want to talk about The fear side of doing something big.

She had this dream. She had this vision to open a [00:01:00] publishing company. And, I mean, that is no small feat. And so, we’re gonna now get into how you build that confidence. How you step out and into your dreams. Even when everything in you is saying, Why are you thinking we can do this? No! Stop! So, let’s Let’s not listen to me anymore.

Let’s get right into episode 105, overcoming fear and building confidence. I can’t wait for you to hear this next part of this interview. [00:02:00] 

So I want to shift and I want to talk about the fear components like the dreams, the visions, the ideas that we have of what could be possible. And then the voice that comes in our head that says, who are you to think that you can do that?

So talk me through your experience with that and what you’ve learned along the way, because you’ve worked with some incredible people. I’m sure you had. Moments through your career as you were coming up like, Oh my gosh, they picked the wrong person or I can’t believe this is going to be, I don’t know, like, tell me, tell me how you’ve, how you’ve overcome those feelings.

Paige: It’s true. You guys, and I’m so excited. We’re talking about this Leah, because All of us as humans have this feeling, even if it looks like the most put together person, like has it all together, right? It’s in [00:03:00] there. Yes. And you know, it starts, we, we were briefly talking about this and it really started that imposter syndrome for me and kind of that lack of confidence in some areas.

I started to notice that. Kind of as in my childhood. Right. And, and always trying to like overcome that I was smart enough for this class and overcome. I was smart enough to be at this college. And then when I stepped into my career and working, especially in the personal development space with some people for a long time, I will never forget my first day at success.

They had me go with, um, the team and we put on an event and John Maxwell was our headliner. And I remember being backstage and being there, I was like, what am I doing here with John Maxwell? Like this, I am, I have no background in this. I mean, yes, I have publicity background and talent background, but. not in the PD, a self grow thought leadership space.

And I remember standing [00:04:00] there and that was my first thought of like, okay, like you have got to almost fake it till you make it. And so that got me by for a little bit, Leah, right? Kind of fake it till you make it. But I would go home and then kind of feel like. Sad about an experience because I was just having to inflate myself and then I come home and be like man I don’t think I did that.

Well, I didn’t you know, I don’t think that I should have really been there So what I started to realize was this I went back And I actually went back and this came from when I was working with Mel Robbins, worked with success for a while and, and she just came out, I think she just came out with the five second rule and she was really building her speaking career.

And I went back and just like looked at everything that she had started with, right? Like where she had started and saw like some of the videos and things, not that they’re less valuable than they are today, but they were [00:05:00] exactly where like I would be if I was, I was in her shoes. And I think that’s really important for me.

I’m a visual person and I needed to go back and see what people were when they were starting out. Because the first thought that popped in my mind and that everybody should think about, Nobody knew anything until they learned it. We were all born with zero knowledge, right? We all started in the same place of zero.

And so everybody has had to learn that skill. They’ve had to learn that art. They’ve had to learn whatever it is. And that really is what started to shift my mindset when it came to my career. And maybe I wasn’t there, but I sure as anything could learn about it to get there. And I think that power in knowing that Nobody else could really control that for me, but myself, that helped immensely.

And, you know, as I went along with success, like, I definitely, I started to build the confidence more and really got my footing [00:06:00] down. And then I realized, though, in other areas of my life, things weren’t, you know, Like when I would get together with family, I would revert myself to like that 16 year old girl, like my job’s not as good enough as all my siblings.

And I realized having a lack of confidence and fear in other areas is what’s bleeding over into my career area too. And so for me, I had to get really comfortable just being Proud of my own journey, right? Because I’m a people pleaser. I want to make everybody happy, but I had to do like a good year. And it actually came Leah when I had a terrible postpartum with my second son and I had to do a year of soul searching and becoming very proud of who I am.

And I think so many times we brush things under the rug, like, okay, maybe I had imposter syndrome here. I didn’t feel confident. It’ll go away. Okay. But it doesn’t go away. It just starts to [00:07:00] manifest in other areas. And so the more that you can take that head on and just be like, okay, I hear you. I hear what you’re trying to say.

And I know that’s not true. And for me, it was writing it out like in my head. It said, I am not going to be a successful entrepreneur. I’d write that down. And then I write down my reality. My reality was I am going to be successful. I am going to have a thriving business. I am going to do what I’ve always wanted to do.

So anytime a negative came in, Leah, I’d write down the negative and write down the positive because that also helped me completely shift in that moment out of the mindset. 

Leah: I love that so much. I love how you said you took the time to do the work to build your confidence. And I want to, I want to get into that because I think that is such a critical component.

It’s not necessarily that we are going to ever fully silence that mean voice, that voice of doubt. And, and I would even take that as [00:08:00] far as to say if it does get silenced, You probably have gotten complacent because if you’re putting yourself. It’s so true. Right? Like if you’re putting yourself into a new situation, it is going to come back out.

It absolutely 

Paige: will. Yeah, 

Leah: I mean, and it really, it really is. 14 year old you, right? Like middle school, junior high, you. It turns out it’s still there. Like the, those fears and those worries. It was interesting hearing you say how for you, it was, do I deserve to have this spot in this class or in college that that was yours?

And I was thinking, Oh, that’s so fascinating. That would definitely be, um, like there’s people, you know, in my life growing up that I can think, Oh, that’s, that would have been hers. Mine really resonated differently where, do they really want me? And so, you know, in, in middle school, junior high, having this fear that I really wasn’t wanted at the [00:09:00] table and, you know, that I was more like maybe a, uh, you know, pity or something like that.

And, and I even had time where I, I ate my lunch in the bathroom stall and, and it was interesting because. Yeah. I saw it come out at different times during my life, but when I first started speaking, um, I, I would, you know, go to these conferences and sometimes I know people, but sometimes I don’t know anybody.

And I remember having this moment of like, all the panic and fear came in. And then, you know, I just like stopped myself and was like, hold on, you’re the speaker here. You can go talk to anybody. Like, it’s okay. And even if I wasn’t the speaker, you guys, I could have gone and talked to anybody. But I had to work through that and help myself because I really started to panic and feel like, oh my gosh, No one’s going to want to talk to me.

They all already have their 

Paige: people. I have that every time I go into a new place at like a new event or new anything. Same Leah. And I think, guys, I think that’s what with Leah and I’s connection story. There’s [00:10:00] such a learning element there. Like just our connection and eyes and smile, like brought all of that down Leah.

Like when I walked into that room, I was like, you know, Leah and I were both a part of the event. And I was like, Oh my gosh, these people are so much more well versed in, in their, in their presentations and everything else. And I saw you and I was like, Oh, but I got my person here. There she is. Like 

Leah: right there.

Yes, yes, exactly. So, okay. I love this. I love this idea of, I already said this, but just focusing on confidence. What did you do? To try to focus on building your confidence. I love the idea of actually writing down those doubt thoughts. So important. And then questioning them because I know I read this in a book.

Maybe you’ll know which book it came from. It’s been a decade or more since I read it, but essentially our minds are incredibly [00:11:00] obedient. They will, they will do exactly what we asked them to do. So if you say to your brain, give me proof that I will not be able to do this. It runs to the filing cabinet, you know, it sorts through and it’s like, Oh, pulls out the files and says, remember when you did this, this, and this and failed?

Yeah, you can’t do this. But if we shift that and if we say, give me proof that I can do this, our brain will also, it will comply and it will, yes, and it will show like, remember how you thought you couldn’t do these things, but you did, like you overcame them. And I’ve, I’ve thought about that so much over the years as I’m, you know, Trying the next thing as I have a new challenge that I don’t honestly have any reason to believe that I should be able to do.

In the sense that I don’t have the proof, right? Like I’ve never done it before, so I don’t have any proof that says I should, but there’s just something in me that’s like, well, why not? Why can’t I? I mean, I did those things and I didn’t think I could be able to do them. So why not give this [00:12:00] a try too? So how have you bolstered your confidence in, in being able to, you know, go after these crazy, amazing things that you have?

Paige: I, I love, uh, Leah, I’m so happy we’re talking about this because I not only did like the writing and the scribe part, which also shows that that retains in your brain quicker than anything else. If you can write, The negative over to the positive. I also, though, took it a step further in that year and I purposely put myself in uncomfortable situations.

Yeah, like situations where I was, it gave me those feels of like, Oh my God, I should be here. Like, yeah, I don’t belong here. And it came from everyday things from a store that I thought, because it comes from everywhere, right? Like a store I thought I couldn’t afford and I shouldn’t be in. Like I purposely would go to that store and shop around, like knowing I’m not going to buy anything, but just to get, I needed to be okay with those feelings so I could work through them.[00:13:00] 

And the same went through, I started projects where I worked with people way outside. Like I asked, For this one project, I went to the publisher was like, I want to work on this. I don’t care basically if you pay me, but I wanted to work with someone who I thought was way out of my league that I could never work with.

Right. And I, as soon as they were like, okay, we, we will take your help. I was like, oh my God, I shouldn’t have done that. Why am I doing this? I’m not qualified. Um, but again, it stretched me through that time and it’s very uncomfortable, but what it taught my brain in doing that stretch is nothing bad happened.

I didn’t fail. Yes. No, nobody judged me. Nothing. Like. There was nothing catastrophic that came from it. And so, doing those things where you can physically, it’s not fun to physically enact an uncomfortable feeling in ourselves. But if we can do it, and, and then have our brain learn the positive result from it.[00:14:00] 

Then the more that I would go out and I’m still uncomfortable in situations, trust me, but now I’m okay with sitting in that comfort for a minute rather than it be debilitating to me and like ruining that experience because like you said, it’s never going to go away. It’s just knowing how to process it.

Leah: And, and I think that, that’s maybe the, the biggest triumph. And I, I want to focus on what you just said because it’s so powerful. It’s not that you’re not, you don’t still get uncomfortable. It’s that you now can sit in it. And know that you’re going to get through it where before, if we don’t push ourselves, if we don’t do that stretching and all I can think right now is this applies to our children, we have to let them stretch also because otherwise it’s instead of recognizing and learning that confidence and that self reliance of I can get through this, it becomes debilitating and we run and hide or our kids run and hide, right?

[00:15:00] Like we. When we want to go after dreams, after big things, when we want to see our children go after dreams and big things, that the only way to do that is to learn that we are capable of being incredibly uncomfortable and surviving it and getting to the other side and being better for it. 

Paige: It’s so true because that’s the thing.

It’s like, of course, we don’t ever want to see our children in pain, right? We don’t ever want to be in pain. But what is, like, that’s not setting them up to be able to then see. Sit in that moment when they’re, when as they grow. And I gotta tell you, for me, I, I have the best parents and I love them and they saved me a lot.

Right? And so this is why now I’m learning it as I, as an adult, like best way. But it’s so true. You know, I think about when, um. When my son went through something at school with friends and as a mom, Leah, I wanted to run up there and be like, give me the parents. Like, don’t [00:16:00] be mean to my son. And, but again, like having him, it was hard to see him in the sadness, but he absolutely worked through that feeling, right.

And came to us and we supported, we supported him emotionally. It’s not like you go anywhere, but it’s, it’s really neat. Once you start to see that resilience come from it. And, and that’s the thing. Like. You’re going to have moments that you stretch and you will, you will fail. I have failed at businesses, things fail, but your brain also learns to know nothing bad happened though.

You’re alive, you’re well, like your needs are still being met. Right. And that’s what gives you the courage to continue to try 

Leah: again. And each of those experiences, you are learning. So even when it doesn’t work out, you learned some very valuable lessons. And let’s just be honest, the ones that hurt, we learn the deepest, right?

We learn. We miss the lessons [00:17:00] sometimes when it’s too easy. So yeah, you, we learn it and it, and it comes across. So, okay. So what would you say if, if I said, okay, give me three things. Like if I’m trying to build my confidence right now, if I’m trying to build my, my personal resilience, because I want to do some big things and I feel like I keep getting in my own way.

What is your answer? 

Paige: I would say number one, give yourself a stretch goal like this week, like give yourself a stretch goal. If going in a store makes you uncomfortable, if eating at a restaurant, a certain restaurant makes you uncomfortable, if being around a certain somebody, even our friends, sometimes we feel like we shouldn’t, we don’t deserve the friends that we have, right?

Whatever that is, just this week, start to sit with it and just start to feel it. The second thing I would say is get yourself a notepad and you’re going to be writing a lot and every day when something negative comes in immediately write down the [00:18:00] positive. There is no quicker way to start to change your mindset around it than that.

And if you’re like Paige and Leah, I need quick results. Well, there’s not a quick win here, but you can start to see baby results. And number three, I, I, I learned this Leah and it sounds so corny, but it has made such a difference when I go, when you’re going in for an interview or you’re going in for a big opportunity that you’re like, I shouldn’t land.

I heard about this years ago, and it works for me, so I hope it works for you. I stand there, and it’s called the confidence stance. I knew you were going to say this! Yes, yes, yes, yes! And you stand with your arm on your hip. Heck yeah, you do! And your legs wide open, chest up, and you stand there for a good minute before you go in.

And that power stance, I’m telling you, Has shifted my whole body before anything big that I, that I’ve done. I, I’m a big believer. 

Leah: Love that you said this. [00:19:00] I love it. So I absolutely, I want you to know Paige and Leah do this. Okay. Like, we did not even talk about this and we both did. We didn’t talk about it.

I read it too. And I have, and, and so like. Don’t feel stupid. Don’t worry about that at all. I have gone into a bathroom stall and I take up as as much space in that bathroom stall as I possibly can or you know, let’s say you’re going even let’s just start with something like maybe you’re going to be going to a dinner party in the next few weeks or maybe you’re going to be going to book club or you know anything just before you leave the house give this a try even just at the beginning of your day like Stand in your closet for a minute and you do so it’s it’s called the Wonder Woman pose And so like you put your hands on your hips I like literally make fists and I like put my hands on my hips.

I’m like, do you? Yes, and I like, 

Paige: yeah, daily daily because guys it Shifts your [00:20:00] body and takes control of your mind in a way that is very beautiful and powerful. And you do, you want to take up as much space in that room as you can by standing in there. 

Leah: Yeah. And sometimes I even go from the hands on hips to hands up, like full on up, like, like kind of like a star, you know, like if you were going to do a star jack or something or, you know, and, and yeah.

And like, I’ll just like, even like wiggle my fingers, like, you know, just like trying to feel all the excitement. In fact, this is, I like, I love this. So, so maybe there is somebody who was like, no, I need a quick fix. Okay. Our quick fix is you still got to do the other stuff. You gotta, you gotta write down, you gotta start writing down those thoughts.

Like do what Paige said, because I could not agree more. But for the next week. Every single day, like, as soon as you get done getting dressed, try the power stance and just like, set a timer for like 60 seconds. Maybe, maybe you’re gonna work your way up to 60 seconds and, and try to feel the [00:21:00] excitement, the energy, the goodness.

Like, feel the gratitude, feel your power. You know, maybe you just have a really big day ahead of you because, You’ve got, you know, a lot of drop off and, and errands and be at the school and you’re trying to get a few things done in the office and, right, and you’re just feeling a little like, whew, it’s a lot.

Try this. Try it for a week. So I, I love this. I do. I pull it out every time I’m speaking at a conference. I’ll pull it out anytime, like, I’m just feeling a little bit nervous or a little bit like, you know, when you kind of want to get smaller. Like, we as women When you 

Paige: try to go in, 

Leah: yeah. Yes, yes, because we as women, we have, um, A tendency to try to take up less space and, and one of the most interesting places you see that is, you know, you see the way a woman will sit on a chair or a couch, right?

And we, we try to get smaller and take up lots of space. And then you’ve, you know, you’ve seen the man spread and they don’t think about trying to take up less 

Paige: space. They don’t ever think about the [00:22:00] space. No! No! No! Leah, I even 

Leah: do This idea. Oh, go ahead, Leah. No, no, no. Tell me. 

Paige: When do you do it? I was gonna say, I even take this pose when I go sit on airplanes, guys, especially in the middle seat where you can feel real small and let’s not lie, we want our elbow room on the sides.

But usually, as a female, I have, like, males on both sides of me, right? Or, and I purposely sit out because I’m like, I deserve my space, too. And it sounds so corny and small, but even in that moment, right? Like, if you’re not comfortable standing, just do it when you’re traveling, right? And just get used to that space, like exactly what you said, Leah.

I love this so much. 

Leah: Oh, I do too. This is making me so happy because I’m like, I actually do this also, and it really has helped. And it’s one of those things that I think like. We as women, when we get nervous, we tend to shrink [00:23:00] and that’s really the opposite of what we need to do. We need to be brave enough to take up the space and believe and understand that we deserve to take up space.

We are deserving of that space and we want to teach Our daughter’s that as well, right? And so being able to just take up that space when we, when we start to feel small, when we start to feel insecure, when we start to have those things of who am I to fill in the blank? Who am I to have a spot at this table?

Who am I to be speaking at this conference? Who am I to have that client? Who am I to go after this dream? Who am I to be invited to this? This dinner group, I don’t care what it is, like, yeah, up the space. Oh, I love that so much. That was so great. I’m 

Paige: not surprised that we have the same. 

Leah: I’m not either. No, not at all.

Like that does not surprise me [00:24:00] one bit. And I have for sure in many, many a bathroom stalls, my little fingers have been like, Sneaking out of the stall because my hands are up in the air and I’m like doing the full like, okay, okay, you got this. You can do this and hyping myself up. I think it also can help to have a good hype playlist, right?

Like a really, really good 

Paige: Oh, music makes all the difference. All the difference. Yes. 

Leah: Yeah. Yeah. So I have like my, I also have like a really good like Hype woman power like I can do all the things playlist that that I put on. What 

Paige: is your go to song? For everybody Leah on this 

Leah: playlist. Okay, so This is funny.

Nobody will probably know this artist and I’m literally gonna go in her name is Bri And I found her through okay. I found her through a Reality TV show and I like heard the background song and I was like, oh, I really like that and so I I, you know, did this, uh, [00:25:00] whatever you do, right? So you can hear what the song is.

And, um, I’m clearly so technical. My children figure these things out for me. Right? So anyway, so, so I did this and she has the best empowering songs. Like, they are so, so good. So, okay, let me go to my playlist and I’m going to, it should be called Let’s see. Here we go. Okay. So yeah, Lady Brie. So it’s Lady B R I, Brie.

Lady Brie. Okay. And like, like one of my favorite ones is Just Watch Me Now. I love that one. And so it’s like this, like, they’re just, yeah, she’s got so, so many. So like there’s one called Me. There’s one Just Watch Me Now. There’s one Green Light. Uh, a hundred percent, like, superpower. They’re just super, super, like, Oh, that’s awesome.

I can do all the things. Okay, what about you? What’s your, what’s your top one? 

Paige: Yes. [00:26:00] Well, this is good because sometimes people are like, I don’t know a hype song I should be listening to. Mine’s kind of a classic. I, uh, but it is like you put it on and I go through the roof. High Hopes at Panic! at the Disco.

It’s empowering. Oh, so good! Excited, like all those things. So it is, it’s just finding that tone and that music that just really resonates with you. That’s like, yes, I can do, and like you feel unstoppable with, and I’m gonna love that. Oh, I’m right now 

Leah: too. I’m adding that to mine. Yeah. So this is like, it’s mainly my running playlist, right?

Like I have this very like empowering, right? Like, so yeah. So this is my running playlist that I listen to as I’m running. And that way when I’m like, I can’t do it. Why do I think I want to run? And then I’m like, you know, I got the good beat going to keep me going. Yeah, exactly. Oh, so amazing. Okay, Paige, this has been so fun.

I could talk to you forever. You know that. I adore you. [00:27:00] Tell everyone where they can find you, what you’re up to. Just let, let them know all those good things. 

Paige: Oh, absolutely. So guys, we’re talking a lot about like your exposure and awareness and I give a ton of free stuff on my Instagram page at the page Dungan.

Um, and then you can also find us if you are, like I said, we are very much into books now and book publicity. So the front porch collective dots. CEO is our website. And again, I would just love to connect with you guys. If you have any questions on PR or if you’re thinking about writing a book, um, Leah knows I love being a library of information because they just truly want everybody’s story who wants to be told, 

Leah: told.

So amazing. Like, and you are such a wealth of knowledge and you have some amazing resources There’s free resources on your website as well. We will, of course, make sure we link to all of your [00:28:00] resources and your Instagram and all those good things. Paige, thank you so much 

Paige: for being on Balancing Out.

Thank you, Leah. This has been such a treat. Like I’m so excited. So thank you for having 

Leah: me. I think our enthusiasm, I’m like, well, I hope you feel like you’re all having a great day now because like, our excitement. I know. I 

Paige: hope so too. Because the energy has been so 

Leah: high. I know, especially over the power move.

Oh my gosh, that just, that was hilarious. That was so awesome. Thank you, thank you to everybody listening, thank you so much for being part of this podcast where we are all about helping you have the business and the life that you love without ever giving up your health, your happiness, or your home life.

We can be all the things, but thank you We shouldn’t do all the things. And so this podcast is here to help you do less, but better so that you can be on the right track. I will see you all next week. Thank you again. Thanks, [00:29:00] Leah.

Hide Transcript