00:00:00] Welcome to this episode on Balancing Busy. I am really excited about this conversation and this idea of what are we afraid to know and why are we staying stuck on purpose? And I think that that just feels so counterintuitive to nobody wants to stay stuck. We’re all trying to get outta stuck, but actually maybe we need to do some digging and realize that.

Leah: Staying stuck has some benefits. So Michelle Reyes life coach is here with me today. I’m super excited to have this conversation. I have known you for years and years and years, but like, not, not actually getting to like, have, you know, I, I’ve spoke at things and, and gotten to see you at different things.

Anyways, it is just so great to have you on. I’ve always admired you and, um, just been so inspired with like your attitude towards life, your story, all the things. So will you just take a moment and kind of. Share a little bit about yourself with everybody. [00:01:00] 

Michele: Sure. Uh, first of all, thank you so much for inviting me here.

I have loved reconnecting with you and listening to your podcast. It really is phenomenal and so I, I feel like we’re, we’re meant to connect, so it’s been wonderful. So I’m am Michelle Reyes. I’m a mother of seven. And just like you mentioned, I’m a life coach. I’m actually in the middle of doing a Master coach certification and it’s.

Been so amazing to learn this world of, uh, thought work. Um, I also do nervous system resilience as a piece of that intentionality that I love helping women create in their lives. And really, um. I would say my approach is an approach of compassion and understanding while also drawing women to step up and do like, do the hard and really create something more in their lives.

And, uh, my. [00:02:00] Uh, approach or my niche is for women of faith who want to be more intentional in their lives. And so this one little element that we’re gonna talk about today about moving, I call it moving past the, I don’t know, because I think just as human beings. We, I mean, from the time we were little, how many times do you ask your child something and they’re just like, I don’t know.

I don’t know. It’s kind of just the answer, an easy answer, really. But as women, we want to move beyond that. We want to create something of value, something of goodness, and if we find ourselves or our brain. Shifting to the, I don’t know, it’s a moment to pause and reflect and understand why, like why are we defaulting to that?

And in something that I call the intentionality method, I teach about identifying protective patterns [00:03:00] that we have because of our brain and our body, our nervous system, it’s wired to keep us safe. And so when we understand. That it’s a protective pattern. We can have compassion for that. We can understand it.

So really the, I don’t know, is a protective pattern. Just like you mentioned at the beginning. It keeps us from having to take responsibility. It keeps us from having to take action. It’s, it’s just a really safe answer, but it also keeps us stuck, so we need to. Move beyond that. 

Leah: Okay, so this idea that I don’t know is a safe answer.

I wanna like dig deeper into this because when I think about this, I’m like, well, I wanna feel sure. I wanna feel sure about my place in this world about. The impact that I’m making about what I’m supposed to be doing with my life, about how well I’m doing as a [00:04:00] mother, as a wife, as a business owner, as a daughter of God, right?

Like, these are things I want, and I tend to feel like uncertainty is the worst feeling in the world. Like I’m like, just tell me and then I will figure out how to deal with it. But that, that shift in the uncertainty feels so uncomfortable. And yet I have been coming to realize more and more. That there is fear in knowing, in knowing the answer, maybe to what we’re supposed to do next, because there’s so many giant question marks about how we would do it or whatever it might be, so, right.

Can you kind of tell like, what would this look like? What does this look like for a woman when she is afraid of knowing the answers? How have you seen that in like, your, your clients maybe? 

Michele: Yeah. Well, I think there’s two ways you could go. The, the one that you mentioned where it’s like. I’m afraid of the answer because then I’ll have to take action.

You’re afraid of knowing the answer, but I, I [00:05:00] want to just touch for a second on the uncertainty factor, because. All of us want, like, just tell me the how, just tell me what I need to do so that I can feel that level of certainty. That, again, is a protective pattern because our, our, our nervous system and our brains, it, it wants to know certainty because anything else that’s uncertain feels so unsafe.

It feels like death. And so to be able to. Recognize that it is a protective pattern, and then just be okay with that feeling of uncertainty. I think it would serve us so well. If we were just willing to sit in uncertainty. How would we, how would we change and shift things if we’re just like, it’s okay that I don’t know the answer, I’m gonna move forward anyway, and I think.

In different ways, we can anchor into a level of certainty where it’s like, I know that I’m capable, I know [00:06:00] that there’s someone for me to help, or there’s goodness for me to do. I’m certain about those things, and so I can hold the uncertainty of not knowing the how or certain areas of it, and I can feel, be okay with that discomfort, right?

Growth never happens unless we feel that discomfort. And so what if that growth, that door of, I don’t know, the growth that is just beyond that is being willing to feel a level of uncertainty. And we can balance that by anchoring in what is certain, right. Um, and then going over to, you know, what you mentioned, that fear of knowing what is, you know, what is meant for you.

So you’re just wanting to say, I don’t know. You know, again, just holding that discomfort of what, what might be [00:07:00] and what are we making it mean about who we are or our capability. You know, so really it’s just sitting with uncomfortable emotions, I think is, is always something that’s gonna serve us really well.

Leah: Yes. Okay. So I wanna take this in, in two directions. Um, the first is, how do we hold the discomfort in a way that can serve us and doesn’t make us just essentially spiral? 

Michele: Right, right. Well, I. Coming back to our, those protective patterns and it not, it’s called the motivational triad.

Human tendency one, we don’t wanna feel uncomfortable emotions, we don’t wanna feel discomfort. We don’t wanna feel pain because that means something has gone wrong and we might be unsafe. Right? We want to seek pleasure. The path of least resistance, [00:08:00] whatever’s easiest. It’s a, it’s a human nature. And then the third is to conserve energy.

And all of those things inherently keep us alive and keep us safe. And so that’s an important part of our, of our humanity, but it also can hold us back. Right. And so just recognizing my. My wiring does not want me to feel uncomfortable. Emotions. Having awareness of that and then just saying, okay, but I can, I can overcome that.

I can be willing to feel uncomfortable. Things I can delay. Um, uh, I can delay gratification and I can expend energy because I know that it’s gonna serve me well. Now what does it really look like in real time to hold uncomfortable emotions? It really is to ground yourself and to go inward and [00:09:00] feel that emotion, because emotions really are just messengers.

They’re messengers to, um, help us. Understand our experience or understand what, what’s important to us. So let’s just, let’s just choose one emotion. What’s like an uncomfortable emotion that someone might feel as they move beyond the, I don’t know. I mean, should we do uncertainty or what do, what do you want to Yeah.

I would say what 

Leah: came to my mind was either uncertainty or fear of failure. Right. That okay. Yeah. It won’t work out. And people will see that Maybe. I’ve heard that so many times. 

Michele: Right? Yeah. That is such a, a human, a human response there. It’s, it’s all of us, right? And so if it’s fear of failure, um, and you can, you know, ground yourself, get, become present, and really understand that fear, what is that fear protecting me from?

You know, we’ve kind of already said it. It’s [00:10:00] protecting me from failure. Why does it make sense that I feel that? I, you know, I wanna make sure that I’m doing the right thing, that I don’t, you know, go down a path that is expending energy that I should have conserved. And it’s, it’s shifting that to say, what if no effort I make?

Is, is, is worthless. Like what if everything that I do actually teaches me and helps me? And what if I discover something about myself or about this process of, of becoming a better version of myself and. And it’s okay. Like I’m going to make it the right decision. What if I’m perfectly capable of making it the right decision?

Right? So it’s holding space for that fear, but also answering it as well as you move forward. 

Leah: Okay. So when you say [00:11:00] ground yourself, talk us through what that physically looks like and what it feels like. 

Michele: Right. Good question. Um, one of the things I love teaching is swapping the daily grind for the daily ground.

And the daily ground is an acronym and really it’s what I’ve learned in my study of the nervous system to help anchor in that safety to feel grounded. And G stands for Get Sleep. We know the importance of getting sleep. R is. Um, closely related where it has to do with rhythm rhythms and routines, getting that early morning sunshine.

First thing in the morning is going to help set your circadian rhythm so that you can sleep better at night. And. Signal to your body. It’s time to get to work. It’s time to focus, gives you that little burst of energy and [00:12:00] creating routines for yourself is gonna help ground you. When you have that, again, that certainty that your brain wants, having those routines is really gonna help increase that capacity of, of groundedness.

O stands for oneness. Connection between God, yourself and others. As human beings, we are wired for, for connection, and the more that we create opportunities for that, the more grounded we will be you. This is kind of the, the fun one that, uh, is a bit of a stretch, but it stands for upper cut. So you can think about move, moving your body and exercising the we.

Science proves that the more that we do that, the more grounded we’re gonna be, the more we’re gonna be able to release that stress that puts us in fight, flight, or freeze. Right? N is for nutrition. That’s fueling your body with health, good foods, and, and staying hydrated. Right? And then D stands for [00:13:00] de-stress as well as healthy stress.

We need to be incorporating daily practices that helps us release the stress that builds up from all of the chaos of everyday life, and then learning how to increase our capacity by stretching ourselves, doing some uncomfortable things that we can then remind our bodies and our and our brains that it’s okay, we’re safe.

I, I can anchor in this safety to just kind of stretch our capacity. So doing the daily ground is really going to help you anchor yourself, not be so reactionary in life. But really be able to, um, increase that capacity to handle the heart of everyday life. So the daily ground is such a, a phenomenal way to help ourselves stay grounded.

But when we’re talking about just in the moment, what does that look like to me, it really is about coming to presence. If you find [00:14:00] yourself getting activated and getting your mind is just kind of going wild, you can just slow it down. Pause. Really become conscious of where you’re at, reminding yourself there’s no bear chasing me.

Like it’s okay, like we’re going to be okay. And just anchoring in that safety so that you can then access that higher level of thinking to do some thought shifts so that you can. Remind yourself, again, going back to maybe if you’re holding fear, it’s like, we got this, we’re gonna be able to do this, and it, it’s really is just kind of answering your brain back when it starts spinning out.

Leah: Yes. Okay. I love your daily ground. I love that. Mm-hmm. I, and I love making this shift from the daily grind because I am so anti the hustle movement and mm-hmm. That grind mentality that. That literally ends up grinding our [00:15:00] personality, our emotions, our wellbeing into dust. I mean, so this idea of grounding versus the grind is so good.

And then of course, the things you’re talking about, they’re the things that we all know, but I want, 

Michele: I wanna 

Leah: talk about that because right. I have had so many conversations. I love having conversations with my sisters and, um, and just with girlfriends where, you know, somebody’s in a rut. Maybe it’s me, often it’s me, right?

Maybe it’s someone else. But when it’s me, it’s my sister that I’m gonna tell. Right? And she’ll always go, are you doing your things? Yeah. And then I look and I’m like, no, I’m not. Right. And so, and I’m someone who, I love my rhythms. I love routine. I, I would say, you know, if you’re, if you’re. Looking at a scale, I, I lean into this more than most, right?

I mean, hello. My entire platform is about balance and systems and routine, and I get out of these just like everybody else [00:16:00] does, and I can see the very, very dramatic difference. Now, the problem is, is that none of us see the difference in one day, right? Right. You miss it for a day and you don’t notice.

It’s not until you’ve broken that chain. Of, you know, these daily things, and then you’re like, why do I feel like this? Why am I so off? Why am I not, where’s my spark? Right. Right. And then you look and you go, oh, because my sleeping routine is completely outta whack. I’m not getting up when I normally do.

I’m not doing my exercise the way I normally do. I’m not doing my routines that make me feel proud of myself and productive. I’m not eating well. Right. Like all the things, everything that you’ve been talking about. So. I, I wanna talk about that because I just think that’s something we need to verbalize, where we recognize that these things, they may be obvious, but you have to be very intentional and it is very easy to slip out of them and it really [00:17:00] does make such a difference.

So you talked about de your D destress and healthy stress. I really like that one. And I think that one is, um. A little bit of a surprise maybe for some, but I’ve done a lot of research on the power of, uh, micros sex, which kind of originally comes from a concept that was popularized by Cal Newport. Um, but.

There’s all this research around doing hard things. Mm-hmm. But not just hard things. Hard things that we don’t want to do. Mm-hmm. And that when we do hard things that we don’t wanna do, this resilience that it builds us. Right. Like the difference between grit and resilience and those who don’t have it is the ability to do.

Crappy things that we don’t wanna do and show up and do them anyways. And so, you know, you’re talking about, I, I think this is [00:18:00] just a beautiful thing to talk about, about how there is beauty in balancing both de-stressing, right? Like doing the things that, you know, the women love to talk about, right?

Bubble baths and candles and go get a pedicure. I don’t care what, what everybody thinks there’s are, but there’s like. The, the things that women talk about with de-stressing, um, having, you know, a ritual for getting ready for sleep or whatever it might be. But then there’s also this healthy stress component.

So talk to us about the healthy stress component of this. 

Michele: Yeah, I think it goes all the way back to understanding the protective patterns and human tendency, not wanting to feel that discomfort. And the more that you. Step into discomfort and remind your brain that it’s safe to do so, that nothing’s gone wrong, the more you.

Increase that capacity to stay grounded, like it is safe to [00:19:00] go into uncomfortable emotions. It’s like rewiring your brain to recognize that it’s okay. Right. One of one of the ways that I started doing it is just taking. Cold showers. When I’m not washing my hair, I’m not gonna do a 30 minute cold shower, but if I’m not washing my hair, I take a cold shower and wash my whole body in as cold water as I can.

And. What I found myself doing at the very beginning was just saying to my brain, nothing’s gone wrong. Nothing’s gone wrong, because everything in my body said, get outta here. Like, stop. What are you doing? And I was like, nothing’s gone wrong. Nothing’s gone wrong. And as I started doing it more, I recognized.

The way in which it increased my resilience, all of a sudden I’m one who like hates winter time and I became more tolerable to the cold. You know, it’s just like it, it. It rewires your [00:20:00] brain to be okay with uncomfortable things, and it’s in that discomfort that we have the most growth, right? Growth doesn’t ever happen just staying in the comfort zone.

It happens in the discomfort. And so I think it’s just a way of teaching your body and your brain that it is okay. That’s what the, the healthy stress does. 

Leah: Yes. Oh, I love that. So the cold shower, that is definitely when, you know, like the cold plunge is, is so such a hot, trendy thing. And this is one of the reasons, this is probably the number one reason is it’s the resilience, it’s the proving to yourself that you can do something that you genuinely don’t wanna do.

You don’t wanna turn this shower all the way to cold and get in when it’s supposed to be this like warm, relaxing thing, right? And so I just, I love that idea. And I think this is where we wanna vary our healthy stresses maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And so I would love kind of your take on this, ’cause some of the things I’m thinking about is Okay.

[00:21:00] Definitely the cold showers. I have tried to do those, I’m so bad at it. And, and you’re, you’re re inspiring me to be like, yes, I should try again. My husband is so good at it. And. Yes, I am one of those people who has built an identity around how much I hate being cold, and, and it has actually hindered me, right?

Like, I literally have this identity of like, I don’t do anything if I have to be cold and, and I want to strengthen that. But I also think it comes in the form of, um, doing activities that you don’t wanna do and then pushing yourself just. 10% more. Right? Right. So maybe you’re on a run and there’s this one part of the run where you’re like, I don’t, I don’t wanna do that part.

Right. I could, I could take a left and make it easier. Right. And then you force yourself to go up the hill. You force yourself to do the part that’s really uncomfortable when you had an out and your brain was trying to say, no, no, no, you don’t have to. You can turn left, you can turn left. And you’re like, no, I’m going.

I’m going upward. But then I think there’s [00:22:00] another form of it, which is in, uh, maybe social opportunities. Right? 

Michele: That’s a good 

Leah: one. Or just things that’s a, that you’re not, you’re not used to. Right. And so I think that’s another place where healthy stress could have an incredible impact. Maybe you’re joining a workout close class.

I will tell you, I am someone who cannot stand. Workout classes. I love to workout alone at home. And the real honest reason is ’cause I don’t want anybody to watch me. Like I don’t, I don’t want anyone to see if I’m doing it wrong or if I’m not as strong as others. And that’s such a silly reason if I’m being totally honest.

Right. But I have hindered myself so many times from sticking with, you know, I’ve gone ’cause someone invited me. Okay, I’ll try once or whatever. But I have never stuck to any of them because. I, I like the solitude. So maybe one of my healthy stresses would be forcing myself to get into that situation.

’cause it does make me so [00:23:00] uncomfortable and it, it brings up fears. And then I can say, okay, what is it that I’m afraid of? Where is this coming from? Am I safe? Yes. And, and go from there. So just thinking about the variety in which we could introduce these healthy stresses and the real value. Is in realizing that we can do more than we thought we could.

Michele: Right, right. And I think throughout the whole daily ground, that’s the key is that you find what works for you in in each of the areas. What makes sense for you and what might work well for someone might not work for another, but I think personalizing it, including stretching because something that might be uncomfortable for you.

Might not be uncomfortable for another person. So it’s like finding where your sweet spot is and re reminding yourself that it’s by those small efforts that great things are brought to pass. Right. [00:24:00] And not losing the fact that it is about intentionality in the sense of I, I mean, I think there’s such a huge difference of doing something as simple as making your bed.

But doing your bed with intention saying, I’m doing this to establish good routines or to create a, a feeling of peace in my home, it’s so much different than just checking something off a list, right? So intention matters. So in any area of the daily ground, including those healthy stresses, to do it with intention, doing it with purpose, um, because your brain will find, will, will create something even better.

With that intention behind it. 

Leah: Mm. I love that thought, and that is something I’m gonna work on for sure. ’cause I, I love me, my routines and my checklist Uhhuh, but taking that pause to do, yeah. More of those actions, those simple things with intention. And I’m thinking as you’re saying it, I’m thinking, and I [00:25:00] can infuse more joy.

Right. Just more gratitude. Right. As I am making my bed that I have this moment to. Make my bed and to think about, you know, getting to climb into it, you know, at the end of the day and how good it’s gonna feel and that I have this bed and this home. Like there’s just opportunities and these little, these little steps that we’re doing to Yeah.

Bring in joy and gratitude to help us get out of the monotony of right, of our daily. Right. 

Michele: Right. Yeah. So circling back around, I’m, I, I love our conversation and where it’s headed and, uh, the thing is, it’s all tied together, right? It’s, this is why I, I teach something called the intentionality method.

That’s like my umbrella term for creating a life that you love. And it starts with. Grounding, [00:26:00] understanding those protective patterns, how our bodies are wired for a, for safety, how to establish that safety so then you can do a mindset makeover, access thoughts that are gonna serve you better, and then be able to become that conscious creator of showing up with intention.

So all of it. All of it. It pulls on each other, all of it influences each other. And if we go all the way back to getting past the, I don’t know, really, it’s just understanding that you have the ability to choose to create whatever life you want. And if we ever feel stuck in an, I don’t know, we just have to ground ourselves, realize that we’re capable of so much more.

And we can step beyond that discomfort and have intention. Really, to me, intention is pausing to say the why, to give your brain [00:27:00] a, a purpose in what you’re doing, whether that’s routines or um, you know, healthy stresses that we’re implementing. It’s all about just creating. That better version of ourselves.

And that’s, you know, sometimes I feel like I have a hard time articulating what I really want to do in this world with the work that I do. But if it boils down to one thing, it’s helping women become better versions of their selves so that they can impact the world for in more beautiful ways, in in more impactful ways.

Right. Amen. 

Leah: Amen. Michelle, this has been amazing. Will you share with everyone how they can connect with you and find you? 

Michele: Yeah, for sure. Um, you can find me on Instagram. My handle is at the Michelle Reyes because Michelle Reyes was taken, sometimes feels a little bit presumptuous, but there it is, the Michelle Reyes and then the Daily [00:28:00] Ground is taught, um, in a freebie that I offer, so they can check out Michelle Reyes coaching.com/creating calm and that.

Has some instructional videos that includes the daily ground and um, just an opportunity to get coached by me. So it’s really fun. 

Leah: Oh, that sounds amazing. We’ll make sure we have links to those in the show notes and below, wherever everyone’s listening. And I think the biggest thing I’m walking away with is that in order for us to not be so afraid of the unknown.

Mm-hmm. We need to do the daily work, the initial work of mm-hmm. Building up resilience so that we can trust ourselves, that we’re going to be able to handle whatever comes our way. That when we get those inklings, those ideas that maybe there’s more on the other side that we’re supposed to start embracing [00:29:00] that maybe there’s a new.

Chapter that we’re supposed to take. And some of those are, are self created, right? Like I think I’m supposed to change careers. I think I’m supposed to learn something new. And some of ’em we have no control over. The kids are leaving and I am going into the next stage of life as a empty nester, as one of my girlfriends says, we don’t call it that, that’s depressing.

We say Freebird. And so whatever, whatever it is that’s coming towards us that we. Can recognize that we’re capable of handling it and that’s going to come through building up resilience, building up faith in ourselves that, that we can do this. So is there anything you would add to that? 

Michele: Yeah, I think that’s really what it all boils down to.

The, the moving past, the, I don’t know, is the fear of the uncertainty, but you can hold that uncertainty because of what you are certain [00:30:00] about, of your capability that you can. Develop resilience that you can figure it out and whether, again, I love that you’ve mentioned whether that’s something that you create intentionally, like I’m, I feel like I feel this tug that I made for more in some way, or just because of life circumstances shifting.

You can just anchor in that certainty of your capabilities to figure it out. That’s. That’s, to me, that’s the definition of a, of a creator is that we figure it out and we bring into existence something that we desire to, to be. So I love it. It’s been fun. 

Leah: Oh, so good. Thank you. All right. We’ll see everybody next week on The Balancing Busy Podcast to help us do less but better and live in our purpose. [00:31:00] 

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