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I have spoken to so many women in the last few months who are confessing that there is something on their hearts, something they want to do, but they are scared.
They don’t know how it’s going to fit into their life. They don’t know if they’re capable. They don’t know if it’s possible. They for sure have those feelings of “who am I to believe that I could…..”
So that’s what we’re talking about today. We are talking about when you have that thing on your heart, whether it is a new business, more education, some big new thing or changing things up in your life, how we make the space for that without the overwhelm.
I’ve brought Jaime Gordon, AKA the Unstuckologist, onto the Balancing Busy Podcast because she is an absolute genius at getting people unstuck in their lives. In today’s episode, I’ve asked Jamie to walk us through how we can get past fear, and go for our goals and dreams without the overwhelm or burnout.
This episode will help:
👉 Anyone feeling overwhelmed with starting something new
👉 Entrepreneurs to get more comfortable with discomfort
👉 Busy work-at-home moms find what’s really blocking them and move past it
In this episode:
1:50 Are you feeling stuck?
3:02 Fear is what is holding you back
6:01 Normalizing fear and discomfort
11:48 How to fit something new into your life
14:51 Getting honest with yourself: What is the real block?
20:15 Setting your expectations
26:18 The gift of growth
Fear is holding you back
There’s no shortage of ways that we can get ourselves stuck, but they all boil down to an element of fear.
Fear that we’re not gonna be able to do it. Fear that we can’t trust ourselves. Fear that when we get there, we might not like it. Fear that we’re not skilled enough, fear that we’re not gonna be able to be consistent. Fear that it’s going to prove that we really aren’t as good as we think we are.
I mean, there is a bottomless pit of fear.
It’s easy to see how all that fear can keep us stuck! Our fear might manifest by keeping ourselves busy. Or by not getting clear about what we want.
Getting on the other side of fear
So how do we get on the other side of the fear? How do we stop that fear from stopping us?
One of the first things you can do is normalize feeling fear and discomfort. If we could normalize the feeling of fear and learn tools to move through it, we would have a much higher rate of success in going after the things we want.
We think it’s supposed to all feel good, easy, effortless, and fun… all the time It’s not! There’s nothing in life that comes without discomfort. In fact, what you’re experiencing now, if you’re not chasing your dream, is discomfort. You’re just used to it!
So we’ve got to become comfortable in the discomfort, and normalize feeling fear when we embark on something new.
How to fit something new into your life
For so many women, one of the biggest concerns is how am I going to fit this into my life and not create suffering or problems for others?
I know I’ve wondered, “How do I still show up in all the other areas in my life that need me and not fail somewhere?”
So often, when we start something new, we let it consume us and take over, and that is where we go wrong. To give all our time and energy to this new interest and to starve other areas of our lives isn’t a great equation.
The trick is not to magically find a missing chunk of time, but it’s getting clear on our expectations, our current commitments, and our boundaries. It’s also about getting real and honest with ourselves about what’s been holding us back and what stories we have been telling ourselves.
What is the real block?
How many times have you said out loud the words, I don’t have time? (Cue everyone raising their hands)
What if someone said they would pay you 1 MILLION dollars to complete that task or goal? I’m guessing you would find the time.
So then, time isn’t actually the block. We do this with so many things, and it turns out that what we think is the block – actually isn’t.
Jaime uses this question to flush out the excuses and get to the real block of why we aren’t committing to something. It is such a simple question that we can ask in every situation, and I just love that it flushes out the crap (no pun intended) and gets us to what the real block is.
When we know what is actually blocking us from accomplishing our dreams and goals, then we can address it. Because if you were being paid a million dollars, you could get to cleaning out that closet, you could wake up earlier, you could write the book!
It’s not about speed, it’s about forward motion
When working towards a new goal, we need to understand that it is not nearly as much about speed as it is about forward motion (aka: making SOME progress). It’s so easy to get caught up in how fast we’re supposed to be able to achieve it, instead of that we’re just supposed to make progress and that’s part of what gets us stuck.
Moving slowly is better than not moving at all, right?
We just have to stop and say, it might take me a lot longer than other people. I might be on a slower track because I am doing a lot of other things, and that’s okay.
The mama who has young kids at home and is trying to start her business and take care of the home and her relationships and a million other things, is going to have slower process than the single guy in his twenties who literally could spend all of his time working.
I think one of the biggest mistakes in my early years, was I thought I was supposed to keep up at the same speed of all these people who I was watching, but I wasn’t factoring that their lives looked nothing like my own.
the gift of growth
One thing that is really cool to realize is that your growth isn’t just for you. When you step into working on a new goal, it often requires your family and support system to step up and grow too.
I think of when my husband took over after dinner when the kids were little to give me uninterrupted hours of work. Often I could hear them with a problem, and I knew that I could go and solve it. But by keeping my booty firmly planted in my office chair (and not running to the rescue) it gave my hubby the opportunity to grow in his own ways!
When you choose a goal that requires that your family show up for you in a different way for you, know that the ripple effect is for everyone, not just you.
And the same goes for when we choose not to grow in an area that life is calling us to grow in. Other people are paying the price, not just us. And this is one of the most beautiful takeaways…
When we hold ourselves back, when we stop ourselves from doing that thing that is on our heart, we are robbing the world of this special thing that it needs and robbing others of the ripple effect.
Bottom line: we need to be comfortable being uncomfortable. We need to be okay accepting that doing the thing will feel hard and it will feel scary, and that’s NORMAL.
You can create changes in your life, you can dream and do the big things and you can do it all balanced and aligned.
LINKS YOU’LL LOVE:
Jamie Gordon – Life Coaching – http://jaimegordonlifecoaching.showit.site/
Enroll in my FREE course and learn how to drop an entire workday a week!
Connect with Jamie on Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/unstuckologist/
Let’s connect on Instagram
OTHER PODCAST EPISODES YOU’LL LOVE:
Simplify Your Life Using Subtraction
[00:00:00] Leah: Jamie, thank you so much for being on this episode. I love life coaches. I am so excited to have you on. But before we go in, will you just take a quick moment and share with everybody just a little bit about you, your background. ,
[00:00:47] Jaime: absolutely. First, thanks for having me. I am a certified transformational coach.
[00:00:52] I work with individuals, groups, do courses on how to get people unstuck. I spent a good portion of my life, really nearly a decade in anxiety and depression, and I like to joke that I’m a recovering play it safe aholic, uh, because I just really, I was working to make my life as safe and certain, and, uh, Really predictable just to offset the anxiety that I was feeling.
[00:01:19] And when I learned that there are tools that can actually help you so that the certainty doesn’t have to come from just, uh, , no variations in your life. I, I just felt like, oh my gosh, why do people not know this stuff? I have to share it. So that’s what I do. I help individuals groups help get people in
[00:01:40] Leah: stock.
[00:01:41] I love that. And I loved, I was reading on your website and everything. I loved how you talked about it, like even just how you came to being the unstuck ologist and how it was like over and over realizing that the common denominator was just feeling stuck. And that brings us to our conversation today, which I’m so excited about because I recently, it has.
[00:02:06] amazing how many women I have spoke with in the last few months who. are confessing and, and I’m using that word because it really does feel like in their minds it’s like this confession that there is something on their heart, there is this thing that they want to do, and they are scared. They don’t know how it’s gonna fit in their life.
[00:02:29] They don’t know if they’re capable. They don’t know if it’s possible. They, those feelings of. Who am I? Right? Who am I to believe that I could, whatever it is. So that’s what we’re talking about today. We are talking about when you have that thing on your heart, whether it is a new business, whether it is, uh, a new education, whether it’s just some big new thing or varying up your life, how we, how we get there, how we make the space.
[00:02:58] So let’s just jump right. , what are some of the things that hold us back? Let’s start with like what’s, what are the problems? What holds us back from getting to be able to fully commit and jump into this, this next version of us, maybe the 2.0 version that we’re dreaming of?
[00:03:17] Jaime: Absolutely. I think there’s no shortage of ways that we can get ourselves stuck, but they all boil down to, uh, an element of.
[00:03:26] Right. Fear that we’re not gonna be able to do it. Fear that we can’t trust ourselves. Fear that when we get there, we might not like it. Fear that we’re not skilled enough, fear that we’re not gonna be able to be consistent. fear that it’s going to prove that we really are not as good as we think we are.
[00:03:44] I mean, there is at a bottomless pit of fear, and there’s a lot of things that we add on to the fear. We keep ourselves busy. We don’t really get clear about what we want. We expect ourselves to be perfect, which can zap the desire to even have or do the thing. But really it comes down to just being willing to sit at the edge of you and think like, okay, this is possible.
[00:04:09] and why do I want this? And if I, if I did want this and actually like question the lack of clarity that we have and be able to come from a place of possibility versus, I think sometimes we go out just as quickly as we have the dream, like boom. Also, we’ve taken away all possibility that it could ever happen.
[00:04:26] We have like a hundred reasons in one second of why we can’t have it. Instead of maybe fighting for where we could have it. . I love that. That’s one of the major ways,
[00:04:36] Leah: I, that I, I think every, I, I don’t know how anyone listening could not be like, Hmm, yep, I raised my hand. Right. We have all felt some version of, of one of those, or many of those fears that you talked about.
[00:04:49] So you said, , one of the first things we can do is sit on the edge and, and ask, why do I want this? So, so how do we, everyone’s raising their hand saying, yep, okay. I got the fears, like, check. So how do we get on the other side of the fear? How do we stop? That fear from stopping us?
[00:05:09] Jaime: Yeah. I think first just questioning this idea that it’s not okay or normal to feel fear.
[00:05:15] I think some of us, at least I did, I bought into this idea that if it was meant for me or that it was good or that I was gonna be able to do this thing, that I wouldn’t be so scared. And the reality that’s not. reality is fear is part of the process, and that when we engage with our fears and we move through the fears that we actually like.
[00:05:37] Become more equipped to have the thing that we want. So it doesn’t actually like take away our ability or our validity in doing it actually prepares us. Kind of like we’re, it’s the training ground for where you wanna go. And so if we first just notice the judgment we have against fear, the resistance to feeling the fear or being with the fear, or just looking at it as if it was like, what if it was just wisdom and disguise?
[00:06:01] If we could normalize. The feeling of fear and learn tools to move through it, we would have a much, uh, higher rate of success in a, in, uh, going after the thing we want. That’s so
[00:06:14] Leah: good. I was talking with a client last week and she made this comment, maybe I just need to get comfortable with. X and I said, or maybe you need to be okay being uncomfortable, but still doing it anyways.
[00:06:28] You know this idea that we think it’s supposed to all feel good, easy, effortless, fun all the time. That has not been my experience. .
[00:06:42] Jaime: There’s nothing in life. That comes without discomfort. In fact, what we’re experiencing now is say if you’re not chasing your dream, there is discomfort. You’re just used to it.
[00:06:52] And so it’s becoming comfortable in the discomfort, normalizing. Because what happens is we think like, oh no, there’s discomfort, something’s wrong. And then we start to, because we’re afraid of our fear, we don’t wanna be with our fear and nurture what’s happening there. We start to. try to like escape the fear.
[00:07:11] And what happens when we try to do that, it actually just builds to anxiety. And when we don’t wanna be with our anxiety, all that does is build up to panic. And so instead we can go, okay, I’m uncomfortable. And if I could just actually be with it and, and actually. Remind myself what it is that I am committed to.
[00:07:30] Who am I becoming as part of the journey of where we’re this goal that we have, right? It can ground us, and then doing some mindset worth work, doing some questioning, some self-acceptance, some self-forgiveness. As we move through, the fear can really kind of, instead of a goal feeling like it’s the hardest thing in the entire universe, it can actually feel like, oh, this is okay.
[00:07:55] and there’s gonna be moments of ease and flow and moments where you want to just pack it all in, and that’s okay too. Mm-hmm. , I love that it’s gonna be ebb and
[00:08:04] Leah: flow, right? It’s okay to feel all of it and all of it, and to not be afraid of feeling all of it. So, so you spoke on being okay, sitting with the fear or, or being with the fear and not pushing it away.
[00:08:19] So yes. Would it be safe to say that, like examples of. Pushing away that fear is either numbing out and that could be, you know, scrolling on social media binging the Netflix, whatever it is for that person. Mm-hmm. that allows them to just check out. Um, but it could also be. Deciding that, that it won’t work.
[00:08:41] Basically creating a, a list in your head of like, you know what? I don’t have the time, I don’t have the energy, I don’t have the resources. And so we quit before we start. Um, would those, would those be forms of kind of pushing the fear away?
[00:08:54] Jaime: Absolutely. It, we’re wired to look for our limitations where things won’t work out, where it’s dangerous, that’s normal.
[00:09:04] That’s going to happen. Yeah. But. When we are focused on trying to prevent bad things from happening, we’re automatically gonna be sitting in more of the fears versus looking to produce what we do want. It’s a very different mindset. I like to like use the example of like if I was committed to creating an intimate, deep relationship with my husband is very different than me trying to prevent a divorce.
[00:09:29] Like they’re two different come froms, they’re two different mindsets. They’re two different lists of things that I would. Do and not do. And be. And not be. And the same thing is true of any of our goals. So when we look at like, oh, what am I trying to prevent? We can even just like being, being with it.
[00:09:44] That makes sense. That’s good. That’s good logic, that’s good information, good wisdom. And I can pull that wisdom out and actually be like, okay, so now what do I wanna produce? I don’t have to like ignore it. I don’t have to gaslight it. I don’t have to go like, no, I’m totally equipped. I like, I may not be.
[00:09:59] That’s okay. That’s good wisdom. What then would I need to become more equipped? , but when we’re afraid of the fear, we miss out on the wisdom of the fear that it can actually bring us closer to our goal rather than farther away. So we can easily shut it down. We can get super busy. We could create chaos in our life so that we don’t have time to work on our goals.
[00:10:20] There’s a thousand ways we can take our ourselves out. , as soon as you think you figured out the way that you like to take yourself out, well your ego’s tricky. It’ll give you something new to work through . No, that’s so true, . And that’s okay. That is all part of the process. It’s all, you only want the goal because it’s, it’s, uh, indicative of something that wants to happen inside of you.
[00:10:42] And as long as we’re doing the work that’s inside of you, right, the movement towards the goal becomes easier. Yes. Mm.
[00:10:50] Leah: I love that. Okay, so. , we start with an idea, with something on our heart, and fear is going to show up, and that is normal and that is natural. Fear is going to show up because we are, we truly are hardwired to try to stay in our comfort zone.
[00:11:05] Our brain that hippocampus is trying to keep us safe and wrong or right. It thinks as long as we stay in the same, we must be safe. So we have to recognize that we have to push outside of that comfort level so that we can reach to those next places. So they get to this point where they’re like, okay, I’ve worked through my fears.
[00:11:30] I’ve recognized what’s stopping. New things will stop me, but I’m going to address and acknowledge those and I’m going to keep moving forward. And I believe that for so many, one of the biggest concerns, and I’m not gonna use the word fear, even though it is a fear, but it’s a concern and it’s, it’s justified.
[00:11:48] This is a very real concern, is how am I going to fit this into my life and not. suffering or problems. So if they have a new business idea or they have, uh, maybe they wanna get higher education or whatever it is, they have this new thing that they wanna go after, the biggest concern is how do I still show up in all the other areas that need me and not, not fall apart or fail somewhere.
[00:12:21] So what do you say to that woman?
[00:12:25] Jaime: I say, first of all, that’s great wisdom. to give everything to this new interest and to starve it from the other things that make your life a filling isn’t a great equation. And at the end of the day, we all have the same amount of time. We all ha we know what our energy level is, we know the commitments that we, uh, can make.
[00:12:48] The, the point isn’t to magically find this like chunk of time that’s just sitting. . Often the junk drawer that you forgot about is actually looking at who do I want to be and actually start from there. Like what my using, like who do I wanna be as a person? I know I have these goals. Who do I wanna be as I achieve, as I work towards these goal?
[00:13:12] Who would I wanna be in my relationship? Who do I wanna be in my finances? Who do I wanna be in my health? And if I can actually find the, the thing that I wanna. , like, I like to pick one character trait per, per like each goal set that I do, and I use that as a north. . So if I’m trying to scale a specific part of my business and maybe my character trait that I’m working on, like my inside being goal that I have, cuz I think that everything has an inside and an outside goal.
[00:13:40] And if it, if I pick that inside goal, I can use it as my North star. So if mine is to be connected and I’m building this new goal, how can I be connected as I do each of these things? I use so in one moment I can be connected in my business and also going like, you know what, um, I’m also going to cut this off at this time.
[00:13:59] I’m gonna put boundaries, guardrails around it because it makes no sense to steal from the other areas of my life to pour into the other. But I also think there is a lot of questioning that can happen because we’re real good salespeople to ourselves to, uh, say that we don’t have the time or the effort or the, the space for it.
[00:14:17] And what I like. Uh, ask myself without getting into like, perfection perfectionism, because I know that’s always, you know, hiding there for me is to ask if someone gave me a million dollars to get this thing done, could I do it? Like, if, if it was okay, I wanna start this morning routine, maybe you have a new goal, right?
[00:14:37] And you’re like, I’m gonna, I’m gonna start getting up every morning. I’m gonna be, and we’re gonna work on consistency and I’m gonna get up for this morning routine. . And let’s say I noticed that I’m hitting this snooze button and I’m not getting up no bad, but I can look and be like, okay, if someone was paying me a million dollars to be, would I have the time to do it?
[00:14:55] Would I have the, would I have gotten myself to bed last night? Absolutely. I would have. So I like to ask myself that question. Then you, and you can really flush out what is actually a story that feels true. And what is actually reality is like if someone was paying a million dollars, would I have. Closet cleaned out.
[00:15:13] Would I have that new chapter of the book written? Would I, any, anything like that. So good. You can call BS on yourself. Yes.
[00:15:22] Leah: I love that so much. And that is such a simple, simple question that we can ask in every situation and I, I, I just love how you’re right, that flushes out and gets us to maybe what the real cause.
[00:15:40] That’s, I’ll say it this way, maybe what the real block is, and then we can address that block. So if, if I’m looking at it and I say, oh, I’ve been, you know, I, I like how you said clean out the closet, right? Because there we all have those little things that we’ve been wanting to get to forever and then, you know, just for whatever reason, they never seem to be able to get to ’em.
[00:16:01] But if you were being paid a million dollars, could you get to cleaning out that closet? Yes, and now we start to figure out, okay, well what’s really been the problem? Where do I carve that time? Mm-hmm. , when we’re looking at this new thing that is on our heart, some things that I think about is, number one, we need to understand that it is not nearly.
[00:16:25] As much about speed as it is about forward motion, about making progress, and I think that it’s so easy to get caught up in how fast we’re supposed to be able to achieve it. Instead of that, we’re just supposed to make progress and, and that gets us stuck, right? Because if I am looking at this new thing I wanna do, and I set these deadlines and think, well, I need to accomplish it by x time.
[00:16:49] That might work for someone else, but it doesn’t necessarily work for me and my life and the season of life that I’m in. So I think one of the first things is when we’re looking at. Where am I gonna fit this in? We just have to stop and say, it might take me a lot longer than other people. I might be on a slower track because I am doing a lot of other things and that’s okay.
[00:17:11] You know, to the mama who is got young kids at home and is trying to start her business and she’s, you know, trying to take care of the home and, and relationships and a million other. It is going to be a slower process. I, well, I should say this, it should be a slower process, but so many of us thought we were supposed to keep up at the same pace as.
[00:17:34] people who were not stay-at-home moms at the same time, and then we couldn’t understand why we were burning out. I mean, when I look back, I think one of the biggest mistakes in my early years, and you know, I’ve told this story a million times, everyone on the podcast knows of like reaching my burnout level, was I thought I was supposed to keep up at the same speed of these people who I was watching, who, when I look back, I.
[00:18:00] That was a single guy in his twenties who literally could spend all of his time working on his business, and I thought I was supposed to keep the same speed. I thought I was supposed to be
[00:18:13] Jaime: on track. Meanwhile, you can’t even empty the dishwasher without. I mean, it’s not 14 times to take care of your children, but somehow we think that you should be able to do, uh, move mountains.
[00:18:22] Yes. And the reality is that we judge our pace and put unfair expectations on ourself. And if you look at it like, uh, there is a ecosystem for growth. . And when we push ourselves into that space of chaos, we do not grow. And so being able to go, oh, okay, I said I was gonna have this done by this date. I’m curious why I didn’t get it done.
[00:18:44] I’m gonna look for my BS story. Right. But I’m also gonna be like, oh, I was under the misunderstanding that this was gonna take me this much time. Yes. And that I would be able to actually, uh, not be interrupted or write. And so you get to, I, I like to say that you are the rule maker and you get to be the.
[00:19:01] renegotiated. So if I think that this project, oh, I’ll be able to, you know, think of like writing some curriculum that I’ve written or writing, uh, courses. Oh, I’m gonna, I might be able to get an outline just like downloaded, but then it might take me six months to actually get through it and I can judge my pace because I am not somebody who’s wired, uh, desire to ever just be able to sit down.
[00:19:29] And do massive brain work and large chunks of time. It’s not gonna, it’s not my jam, but if I am judging my pace, I’m identifying now. I’m not just judging my pace, I’m making the pace mean something about me. And then now I’m stuck in this resistance towards this thing, which is going to make me getting to where I wanna go 10 times harder.
[00:19:50] Mm-hmm. . So if we wanna get ourselves good and stuck, the best thing you can do is identify with it like it’s you and judge it. And that’s akin to lacing up the cement shoes and expecting yourself to run a marathon. Not fun, not easy. Gonna make it so much harder. Yes. But if we can like separate it out, like release it and look for the judgment of what am I making this about me.
[00:20:15] And if I could actually like forgive myself for the misunderstanding there, then I can take aligned action. But when we’re trying to take action out of punishment, woof. Not
[00:20:24] Leah: fun. Oh, so true. So we. Recognize the parameters we’re maybe putting on ourselves or the rules we are forcing ourselves to live by, and we check them like, are these even fair rules?
[00:20:41] Do I like these rules? Do I want these rules? Do I need to, as you said, renegotiate these rules? One of those being the timeline that we’re giving ourselves. The other is, Is where we’re going to fit things in and how we’re going to do it. I think where we’re gonna fit the things in if, if we’re going for something new, we need to come at it with a very creative perspective of like, okay, well where could I fit this?
[00:21:05] What would be the craziest way to do it? And not believe that it’s supposed to only fit in in certain quadrants? That that seem reasonable, especially with the more that there is in our lives. , the more we need to be creative with where we find the time to do these things. So I think that’s a big part. I think about when my kids were still really, really little, one of those creative places, and this actually goes into the second thing of like, how are we gonna get the support?
[00:21:36] Often we’re setting an expectation that I’m gonna do a new thing. I need to do it at the same pace as everybody else. I need to do it alone, and it needs to only fit in where it’s in, where it’s not an inconvenience to anybody else. That is an absolute recipe for disaster, right? And for us to give up way too soon, where if I came at that from a completely different approach and I said, okay, I’m doing this new thing, I’m okay with that.
[00:22:01] My speed is gonna be very different than others, and progress is my goal. Speed. If I say, okay creatively, like where could I fit this in and how could I get support? And one of those things when my kids was really little was I, after realizing I was doing it the wrong way first and figuring out this is not working, going to my husband and saying, okay.
[00:22:28] I need your help. I need you to help me find this time. And this is my idea. Can we give it a try? That’s another thing we can, everything can be a trial. Nothing is permanent. We can test things and so we put it out there of. Two or three nights a week, right after dinner, you are gonna take the kids and I’m gonna go lock myself away so that I can have some uninterrupted time to make progress.
[00:22:52] And you’re gonna be in charge of playing with them, bedtime routine, getting ’em to bed. And it was really hard at first. Like I could hear things and I knew exactly how to solve it, and I think, oh, I should, I should just go help. And I, and at first I did, and then I started forcing myself like, no, you.
[00:23:07] Robbing them of their time to be able to figure this out and solve this and, and feeling resentful because I’m being interrupted. But that became so powerful. I mean, anyone with small kids trying to run a business from home, the idea of getting four unre interrupted hours is like, Unheard of. So to all of a sudden have like I have from six to, you know, 10 o’clock where I am just able to work.
[00:23:32] It was incredible. So that’s definitely been my experience. What have you found for you that’s
[00:23:38] Jaime: really worked for me, I think in terms of, uh, goals and doing stuff. I like to think of things in terms of experi. . Yes. It takes the pressure off. Yes. And I like to ask, so I like to be like, oh, I’m going to experiment with this versus, cuz it feels sometimes, you know, we identify that we think that the thing that we’re offering is us.
[00:23:59] Us, like our service that we’re offering is us, and it gets real mu real sticky. So when I think of as like, oh, this is just an experiment, my perfectionistic part starts to relax a little bit because an experiment is not meant to be perfect. So that’s like the rule right there is like that things need to be done perfect or things need to be done quickly or things need to be done all at once or right.
[00:24:18] Like we don’t start things unless we can finish ’em. All of these like little rules. They start to flush up. When you start to feel the discomfort, you can look for like, Hey, where’s the rule? And it starts to create some more ease. And another question I like to ask myself is, if this could feel light and easy and fun, what?
[00:24:35] What would that look like? Yes. Because we often create from a place that we think that it’s gonna require for us to feel like it’s miserable because you know, like we’re writing a term paper and sometimes it is. Sometimes it is like, let’s be real. But there’s other times where it’s like, oh, there’s resource.
[00:24:51] I’m sitting here victim to the story that I think that this growth has to look like ex like me getting up at and doing it in the middle of the night in reality, like if this could feel fun and light and good, what would it look like? Because sometimes that means like, you know what it would be to take the kids to the library, let them play on the computers there, or the little toys, or read the books and I’ll sit here with my laptop.
[00:25:14] And that would feel fun. Or maybe I will get a B babysitter and I will go to sit at Starbucks and I’ll not leave until I have done this thing, right? I, or I’m going to take a picture of the room that I’m organizing and I’m gonna send it to four friends and be like, this is what I’m doing. I need your support.
[00:25:34] And I’m gonna send you an after picture. But like, think about like little experiments and making it fun and easy because you’re like, Our, we try to come from a purely adult mind and there’s part of us that’s going kicking and screaming, but when we can incentivize it, like, could this be fun for the part of me that’s like inner child fun?
[00:25:50] How could I incorporate that in that would actually give me the space and the time? And I think one of the things you said was so good, this idea of sitting there listening to your husband and the kids and knowing that you could go in and write like an air quote, fix it, and choosing to not. , what you realize is that this growth was for you, but it was also for your husband.
[00:26:12] Mm-hmm. , and it was also for your children, and it was also for your relationship between you and your husband. Growth doesn’t just happen in the area that you are choosing, like that goal. . It’s like peeing in the pool. The pee doesn’t stay in one little area. It goes everywhere. . So when you choose, right, so when you choose a goal that requires that the family show up for you in a different way, or for you to ask or create space for yourself, knowing that the ripple effect is for everyone, not just you.
[00:26:40] Same goes for when we choose to not grow an area that life is calling us to grow in. Other people are paying the price, not just us.
[00:26:48] Leah: Mm. That’s so good. I love that. That actually that is, I think one of the most beautiful takeaways is when we hold ourselves back. When we stop from that thing that is on our heart, we are robbing the world of this special thing that it needs, and I truly believe that.
[00:27:10] And so we need to be comfortable being uncomfortable. We need to be okay accepting that. doing the thing will feel hard. It will feel scary. It doesn’t have to all the time. There are so many times where it can feel fun and wonderful, like I’m so in agreement with you. But being brave is not doing something with the absence of fear.
[00:27:34] That’s actually not bravery. Being brave is doing something scared that is bravery, right? And so to go after our dreams, it takes
[00:27:46] Jaime: being brave. It does, and there’s, there’s an equation of bravery. Develop self-trust because we can also force ourselves into doing something that we are terrified to do and actually do damage.
[00:28:00] Right. Where have you ever noticed like you do something really scary and then the price you pay is that maybe you can’t actually move on something for like two weeks later, like you just like kind of go into shutdown mode? . So I want you to think that there is like this equation of having one foot in the chaos and one foot in order creates this beautiful place where growth can happen.
[00:28:20] And if we have all of both of our feet in the order, we’re not growing. And if we have both of our feet in chaos, we’re just overwhelmed. Mm-hmm. , and we’re not growing either. Mm-hmm. , we’re just, so the, the great part is like, yes, we’re gonna move through the fear, but there are tools to move through it in a way that builds self-trust and resiliency rather.
[00:28:39] like burnout, shame, shut down, that sort of thing.
[00:28:45] Leah: Mm. So good. Okay, so for the woman who’s like, all right, I’m ready, I’m gonna do this. What are your best tips for her of light? Kay. Here’s how to do this in a way to be able to stay in that right
[00:29:01] Jaime: space. I think first, get really clear about what you want and why you want it.
[00:29:08] And even more important, who do you wanna be as you do it? Mm. Yes. Because we often, yes, yes. Think that the goal is gonna turn us into this new thing, right? And if that’s the point, we’re actually gonna meet a lot more resistance, a lot more fears as we go, versus in a like embodying who we, who we think this end product of this thing is going to be.
[00:29:29] Doing that now. So if I think that I’m going to be more confident on the other side of this business or this venture or this project, the reality is is that I’m just gonna meet a lot of resistance and probably do a lot of self-sabotaging as I go. But if I can actually go, oh, what’s eroding my, my confidence right now?
[00:29:46] I’d keep that same goal set, but I actually work on developing confidence from a place of, am I being trustworthy with myself and others like. , honestly keeping my word, my promises, like am I connecting with other people? Am I allowing myself to be seen? Am I seeing myself, these components of belonging and trust?
[00:30:08] Am I thinking creatively, am I challenging some of these fearful un you know, like these, these thoughts because there’s, uh, the element of confidence, right? And being able to develop the confidence as we go means that we can actually move into having the thing. , but often we think, I’m gonna do this thing, that I’m gonna feel more confident.
[00:30:28] And what happens when we actually meet that thing, it’s a flash in the pan that we feel confident or we feel like, oh, there’s my enoughness for three seconds. Now I need a new goal. And the reality is like, oh, if we give it, if we start with who we are, we reverse it. Instead of like, do the things, I’ll have these results and I’ll be this new person.
[00:30:45] Start the opposite. I’m gonna be this person. I’m gonna work on actually developing that character in me. And from that I’m gonna take aligned. , which is doing the things, and then from that aligned action, I’m gonna have the results that I actually want, but I can flip the equation so it’s not birthed out of self-punishment, but actually self-healing.
[00:31:02] Hmm. That
[00:31:03] Leah: is so good. So good. Thank you so much. This has been absolutely amazing. I feel like I could go on and on and on and on with you, but that this has been so incredible. I feel like there are so many great takeaways and so thank you, Jamie, for being on the podcast with
[00:31:20] Jaime: me today. Thank you so much for having me.
[00:31:23] Jamie gave us so many incredible insights and I wanted to just share some of my favorite ones with you. These are like my big takeaways, the things that I, I’m thinking about even still, cuz that actually got recorded a couple weeks ago and now I’m, I’m bringing this recap together. So I love this idea and I wanna start.
[00:31:48] Bringing it back to respecting your season. That was such an important lesson for me, and I just want to tell you that it is okay. , if it takes you longer, respect the season of life that you’re in and understand that yours isn’t gonna look like theirs because we’re all in different seasons. We’re all at different places.
[00:32:10] The next thing is I love this idea of letting it be an experiment. This is something that has helped me so much. So I say it a little bit differently, but I love the way that Jamie said it. Like, let everything be an experiment. I look at everything in my mind. This is version 1.0, and so I’m gonna get out 1.0.
[00:32:29] I’m gonna do 1.0, but I’m expecting to have the opportunity to create 2.0 or 3.0. It can keep adjusting, changing. I can walk away from it completely if that’s what I decide. There is so, so little that is actually permanent and often fear is holding us back because there’s this story that is playing out in our minds saying, oh my gosh, if you fail, it’s over.
[00:32:54] But it’s not actually over. It’s just, okay, it’s time to pivot. So I love that idea. I love the. Of sitting with the fear, just being okay with, with being afraid and not feeling bad about that, but rather just acknowledging it and being like, okay, where’s this coming from? What are we, what are we gonna do with this?
[00:33:16] And then, ugh, if you could let this feel light and fun. Right? Like I, there are so many things in my life that I’m specifically thinking about where I’m like, oh yeah, how do I walk into that and say, how do I make it? Fun. And I’ve had so much fun with this over the years. Sometimes it’s about like, I’m gonna light a candle and have special chocolates because, you know, I gotta do my, my quarterly taxes and it’s no fun and I’m just gonna make the mood feel more enjoyable.
[00:33:48] Or maybe it’s a reward after the fact, but just how could you make something from the most mundane, the thing that you dread all the way to something really complicated. How, how could you make it look more light and fun? I just love that. Okay, so what a great episode. I hope you loved it too. I will have another incredible episode for you next week, all about helping you do less but better so that we can balance this busy with just a little bit more joy and fun.
[00:34:19] Okay. Thank you so much for being part of the podcast and listening it as. And will always mean the world to me. I’m so grateful that you spent this time with me that you let me in your ears. So thank you. I hope you love this, and I’ll see you next time.Hide Transcript