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This is the fire episode and not because as the kids say, “that’s fire,” but because we literally had a fire in our house. We talk all about balancing busy and the hardest time to feel balanced (or up-right) is when our lives (for whatever reason) get turned upside down.
Everything has been turned upside down for us! Turns out that a house fire will do that to you.
Today I am showing up real, honest, and vulnerable (and in a coat because my home has no heat) to share with you what I’m doing to try to balance the busy and hopefully help you for the next time your life feels upside down and turned around (maybe that’s even right now).
This will help:
👉 Anyone who finds themselves in a crazy and unexpected situation
👉 The overwhelmed mama to balance your busy no matter what your circumstance
👉 The woman who needs to fill her cup to keep giving to her family during a tough time
In this episode:
1:22 How do we balance when everything is crazy?
5:30 Staying grateful and focusing on wins
9:12 What can we solve?
12:01 Recognizing the value of patience
13:40 Keeping the balance when everything’s been turned upside down takes a lot of intention
15:45 Working to keep our cup as full as possible because everyone else needs us to keep filling theirs
Staying Grateful + Focusing on Wins
I’d like to start by sharing some of the things that I am trying to do right now. One of the very first things was keeping a place of gratitude. I am so aware of how differently this could have gone.
My son could have been in his room and he could have told his dad that he was hearing a hissing sound. And like all dads, Taylor would’ve gone to investigate and he could have walked right into that explosion. We are all safe. Things can be replaced. I am so grateful that this is the outcome and not something worse. But that doesn’t mean that it’s easy.
It doesn’t mean that this isn’t still challenging in its own way. I am trying to balance staying grateful and really, really focusing on the wins. A win for us was that we were able to get a place in our own neighborhood. This worked out really great.
Another win for me was finding replacements for some of my son’s items. He lost everything, and while things can be replaced he did have some sentimental things that were really meaningful to him that he’s really sad about.
Two of those things are really simple things. One was his In and Out t-shirts. Whenever I travel, I try to find an In and Out and bring him one. He also likes Bass Pro Shop hats, which are all the rage.
Those are a couple of the things that were destroyed and so I worked really hard to find them and get those for him. Being able to do that felt like a win.
The Value of Patience
I won’t lie, this is going to be a work in progress. We live in an Amazon Prime world, where we are used to everything being instant. And I don’t know if that’s always good. Maybe that’s not serving us so well. What I’m realizing in this situation is that this is going to be a patience game. Here’s the thing, the entire country is going through insane weather challenges. That means all the insurance companies are majorly backed up because there are a lot of people with problems in their homes.
In my particular city, we had a crazy ice blast happen in December and in one single week, our contractor got 125 jobs. That means they’re behind and that this is all going to take a really long time.
Part of me really struggles with this. It’s my oldest daughter’s senior year and now it looks like she’ll spend most, if not all, of her remaining time before college in rental AirBnBs. I’ve been having a hard enough time knowing she’ll be leaving. I could get stuck on this or I can figure out how to make it a really fun adventure. That’s what I’m going to try to do.
Intention and Keeping Our Cup Full
Keeping balance when everything is going well is hard on its own. Keeping balance when everything’s been turned upside down, takes continuously coming back and setting your intention – again and again.
I set my first intention the day after the fire. I really stopped and thought about how I wanted to look back on how I handled this.
I love the question that Victor Frankel would pose to patients, he would ask, “if you could do this day again, how would you do it differently?” But he asked it at the beginning of the day when you still had the opportunity to do it differently. The Saturday morning after everything happened, I sat down and said to myself, “Okay, if you could do this trial again, how would you do it differently?”
I really thought about how I wanted the kids to remember me.
I asked questions like:
• How do I want our family to experience this?
• How do I want to handle this?
• How could I deal with this in a way that would make me feel proud after it’s over?
• How might I accidentally deal with this that would leave me with regret when it’s over?
I’m realizing I’m going to have to reset my intentions over and over and over, and that’s okay because I am a very real human!
The last thing I very quickly realized was that to be the best version of me, I need to keep my own cup full! I’m really, really working to do that by getting good sleep, staying hydrated, eating good foods, and moving my body — all those things that help my mental health so that I don’t have the cortisol spikes and negative stress in my body. But I’m also doing some luxury things for myself too. I went and got a 90-minute massage yesterday. It was amazing, I needed it, and I’m so grateful that I didn’t stop myself from enjoying that little indulgence.
So from those little luxuries, like getting the massages, to allowing myself to cry in the shower, to whatever else it might be, we’re gonna need to make sure that we are keeping our cups as full as possible because everyone else needs us to keep filling theirs. When things are off, everyone looks to us to know the answer, figure it out, and help them solve it. 🫖 We need to make sure we can keep pouring.
Those are just some thoughts that I wanted to share about my experience trying to balance the crazy. I want to give you encouragement and hopefully, you can take something from this to help you feel like you’re doing okay — and I bet you’re doing a lot better than you think you are.
Just take the next right step. That’s all we can do. We are works in progress and if that progress is steady and slow, that’s perfectly okay.
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[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to episode 35. This is the Fire episode and not because like as the kids say right now, that’s fire, but because we literally had a fire in our house, . And so my hope for this episode is, you know, we talk all about balancing busy and the hardest time to balance the busy is. , everything gets turned upside down and well, everything has been turned upside down for us.
[00:00:27] And so I wanna just talk with that. I wanna be real and honest and tell you how I’m doing and what I’m trying to do to, to keep that balance and, and just share with you and hopefully it can help you for the next time things go upside down or if you happen to be. Right now. Okay, so three weeks ago we had a house fire.
[00:00:50] I share a lot about that on my Instagram. I have a whole, um, stories dedicated to kind of sharing that experience. So I’m gonna leave that mostly out. But essentially we had a house fire. Um, in, started in our son’s room. It was a lithium, lithium ion battery that, um, malfunctioned either that or the charging dock, something malfunctioned went wrong, and created an explosion and a fire.
[00:01:19] Because of that, we cannot live in our home. We’ve been out of it for three weeks and, uh, the timeline just keeps extending. So it all happened on a Friday night. Saturday the next day, uh, we’re told, oh yeah, you definitely can’t be in your home for at least two weeks. By the end of that conversation, it was one month.
[00:01:38] By the following Monday it was two months, and this last week it turned to six months and it could keep going. So this is going to be a very. Long process. So what is happening right now? Well, the very first thing was we had to figure out where we were gonna live. You know, the very first night we booked a hotel and, uh, we were at a hotel for, uh, the first several days.
[00:02:03] But obviously that was not going to work. When you have kids who have school and everybody has things and you can’t, you know, five people trying to live real life out of. Two bed hotel room just does not work. So, um, through an incredible tender mercy, we were able to find a house that we can rent that is in our own neighborhood, which is so incredible.
[00:02:26] By the way, I’m gonna pause for a second because if you’re watching this on YouTube, you notice I am in a full coat. I will explain what this is about, but basically my office was the furthest room from the. So I am still coming here and working cuz this just makes the most sense and there isn’t enough space really for me to be able to have my own, um, designated work area where we are currently living, but all of our heat is turned off and so I bundle up in a coat, I have a heating blanket wrapped around my legs.
[00:02:58] I have a space heater that I actually turned off just to record this so that, um, my, cuz my fingertips were getting so cold trying to type and work so, You know, it’s a lot of crazy, it’s a lot of crazy right now. And, and that’s, that’s just gonna be this season, and this season is going, it’s going to be a while, so, , the very first thing that had to be figured out was, okay, where are we gonna live?
[00:03:23] I need to know, I have somewhere for us to, to be a little more permanent. And we were able to find a house in our own neighborhood, which was just so incredible. They are snowbirds, so they are in Arizona right now and we’ll be coming back in April. So that gives us at least these two months to know where we are and then something will work out and we’ll get figured out.
[00:03:47] For what’s next. I will not lie to you. I am nervous, I am concerned and like, oh my gosh, where are we gonna be? What’s gonna happen? But I’m trying to just trust we have a 100% track record that things work out even when I’m sure they won’t. And I’m trying to trust that. So we’re in this space where everything is upside down.
[00:04:10] We’re not living in our own home, and yet, We’re trying to make life as normal as possible, and there’s all these different things and you’re trying to stay calm. I’m trying to be the rock. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing great. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing pretty good, and there’s been a couple times where I just flat out felt like I’m failing
[00:04:31] That’s the truth. And so how do we feel balance when everything’s crazy. , how am I gonna do it? And so let me just share some of some of the things that I really am doing and, and trying to, trying to do. One of the things, the, one of the very first things was keeping a place of gratitude. I am so aware how differently this could have gone.
[00:04:58] My son could have been in his room, he could have told his dad, I hear a hissing sound. And like all dads Taylor would’ve gone to investigate and he could have walked right into that. , we are all safe. Things can be replaced. I am so grateful that this is the outcome and not something worse. But that doesn’t mean that it’s easy.
[00:05:21] It doesn’t mean that this isn’t still challenging in its own way. So I’m trying to do a balance of both. Staying grateful and really, really focusing on the wins. We were able to, you know, get a place in our own neighborhood. This worked out really great. Oh, they took care of this for us or I was able to find this thing.
[00:05:44] One of the things for me that was really special is, so everything in my son’s room is gone. Um, and. , luckily, pretty much everything can be replaced. But there was a couple of things that were really meaningful to him that he was really sad about, and there were things that, that he’d gotten as gifts or that he had, uh, gotten traveling.
[00:06:05] And so two of those things, really simple things. But you know, for a 14 year old boy, um, one was his, in and out t-shirts. Whenever I travel, I try to find an in and out and bring him one. And, uh, when we took him to, to Park City for his birthday last year, we got him and his cousin one, and then these, um, bass pro shop hats, which are, are all the rage.
[00:06:29] And, you know, one of his favorite things and he was so sad. Um, you know, some of these things that were destroyed and so. . I worked really hard to find them and get those for him, and so those were some of those wins where I felt like really good. Then there’s other things where I’ve, I, it hasn’t felt like a win, but I’m trying to focus on the gratitude and on the wins, but balance that with recognizing that it’s okay, that sometimes it’s just really hard.
[00:06:56] I’m gonna be honest, I cried in the shower this morning. I just felt overwhelmed. There’s a lot of things, it’s on me. My husband is, um, back to traveling for work and it’s just, it just felt like a lot this week and I just felt kinda overwhelmed. I was like, just needed to like flush those toxins out. So it’s this balance of trying to stay really grateful and, and recognize the winds and the good that is happening.
[00:07:19] And there is so much it outweighs, it definitely outweighs, but I’m also trying to be careful. I have kind of a bad habit of not giving myself.
[00:07:31] I don’t know if you’re gonna pick that up in the background, but I’m not gonna worry about it because, well, there are contractors all around me and they’re trying to remove every, everything is being removed out of our house, every single thing. It’s literally like they’re moving us out so that they can do all the repairs and then it’ll all get moved back in.
[00:07:47] So there might be background noise and we’re gonna go with it because this is the reality of my life right now. So step. if we can focus on gratitude. On gratitude for the good things that are happening to us. But with that, also the good things we are doing like that we have our own wins. I found him that hat and I found him his t-shirt and I was able to, you know, find us a house in our own neighborhood and some of those things where I’m like, I did that.
[00:08:19] That was awesome. also understand that there’s moments where it’s just gonna feel really hard, and I’m trying to honor and respect that too, and not make myself feel bad about it. Like, I don’t, I don’t deserve to, you know, let it get to me sometimes. So, so that’s the first thing. The second thing is, What can we solve?
[00:08:40] So sometimes just looking at a, at a situation, looking at the pain point and just trying to figure out if there is a solution that isn’t too hard. Right now in our rental house that we have, our girls are having to share a room. They are not used to sharing a room anymore. They don’t wanna share a room.
[00:09:02] They have very, very different. Habits around sleep and the way they keep their room and it’s causing contention. And one of the biggest problems is that they have to share a room and a bed. It is a king size bed, but still that’s really hard. So I have one. Who steals the blankets and wraps herself up like a little burrito and the other one wakes up freezing.
[00:09:27] And then I have the other one who cannot stand to be touched. And so if she in any way is accidentally touched in her sleep, she in her sleep, kicks you or elbows you. And so neither of them are getting to sleep well and making both of them a little more grouchy and. Less pleasant. So looking at this, it’s like, okay, is there a solution?
[00:09:50] Like can we just solve this? And the obvious solution was they need their own. They each can have their own comforter, their own blankets, and that way there’s no, there’s no having to to share. And then they came up with their own really awesome option. They both have very different sleep habits. One likes to go to bed really early.
[00:10:07] The other one likes to stay up and read for quite a while and goes to bed much later. . And so that was creating its problems. So they realized, well, we could get ready at the same time. Then the one who stays up later doesn’t need to be turning on lights and stuff to be, you know, finding things and getting ready.
[00:10:21] And we could get a sleep mask for the one who goes to bed early so that she won’t be disturbed as much by a light from reading a book. And you know, I was thinking about that. I’m like, oh, that’s so much about marriage, right? You hear the joke about like one squeezes toothpaste from the bottom and the other squeezes from the middle, and it creates all these problems.
[00:10:39] And you know what? The simplest solution. Each of you just have your own bottle of toothpaste. That simple. And sometimes we forget to just let things be that easy. You know, I’m, I’m looking at this situation, I’m just like, oh my gosh, I don’t know if I can handle all the little bickering and whatnot. And then realize it’s as simple as like, give them each their own comforter.
[00:11:01] Buy one, a sleeping mask. I mean, worst case scenario, get a bed and just put it in there. The room’s big enough and they can each have their own. But I don’t, I don’t think we’ll have to do that, but just. Trying to find is there a simple solution that can make this a little more tolerable, a little more comfortable?
[00:11:21] So that’s, that’s another thing that, that I’m trying to see and recognize and work on. And then of course, the third part, which is, is going to be a work in progress, is recognizing the value of patient. We live in this world where we’re so used to everything being accessible all the time. I mean, Amazon Prime, I tell you, my prime has been a lot slower lately and I am like, what is happening?
[00:11:44] Why is this not two days? We just live in a world where we’re so used to everything being instant. And I don’t know if that’s always so good. We used to have to wait for things. And I say that like as if my generation really had to wait that much. I didn’t, but generations behind me did, right? They, they had to wait for a lot more than we do today and.
[00:12:04] I don’t know. Maybe that’s not serving us so well. Because what I’m realizing in this situation is it is going to be a patience game. Here’s the thing, our, the entire country is going through insane weather things. That means all the insurance companies are majorly backed up because there’s a lot of people with problems in their homes.
[00:12:22] My particular city, we had a crazy weather thing happen in December. Our contractors told us they got 125 jobs in one. , that means they’re behind. That means this is all gonna take a really long time. And part of me feels like that’s really hard because this is my oldest senior year and I’ve been having a hard enough time with that.
[00:12:47] And now I’m realizing she’s not even gonna live in our home her senior year. Like we will be going from house to house and. I could get stuck on that and I have for a few moments I won’t lie or figure out how to make it a really fun adventure, and that’s what I’m gonna try to do.
[00:13:10] Keeping balance when everything is going? is hard on its own keeping balance when everything’s been turned upside down. It takes a lot of intention and not setting the intention once, which I did the day after the fire, I really set the intention. I really stopped and thought about like, okay, how do I wanna handle this?
[00:13:32] I tell my clients all the time, I love this question by Victor Frankel, and he would ask, if you could redo this day again, how would you do it? Differe. , but he asked it at the beginning of the. when you had the opportunity to do it differently. And I sat down the Saturday morning after everything and said, okay, if you could do this trial again, how would you do it differently?
[00:13:53] And I really thought about how do I want the kids to remember me? How do I want our family to experience this? How do I wanna handle this? And I really set that intention, but I’m realizing I’m gonna have to reset this intention over and over and over, and that’s okay because I am a very real human. . And then the very last thing is, , we have to take time for ourselves and I’m really, really working to do that, both in those things, like getting good sleep, staying hydrated, eating good foods, the the key parts moving our bodies that are our bodies plead and crave, you know, that are gonna help us to, to stay.
[00:14:36] More calm to not have all the cortisol spikes and, and that negative stress in our bodies. But I’m also doing some good things for myself too. Went and got a 90 minute massage yesterday, and let me tell you, it was amazing and I needed it, and I’m so grateful. You know, so from those little luxuries, like getting the massages to allowing myself to just get a little cry out in the shower to whatever else might be.
[00:15:05] we’re gonna need to make sure that we are keeping our cup as full as possible because everyone else needs us to keep filling theirs. And so in those times when things are off, and you know, especially as women, everyone looks to us to know the answer and to figure it out and to help them and solve it.
[00:15:24] And Mom, I need this, mom, I need that. We need to make sure we can, we can keep showing up. So, . Those are just some thoughts and some things that I wanted to share of my experience. Trying to balance the crazy and giving you encouragement and hopefully something you can take from this to help you feel like you’re doing it just a little bit better, and I bet you’re doing a lot better than you think you are.
[00:15:53] And just keep trying, keep improving. That’s all we can do. We’re works in progress and that progress. Steady and slow, and that’s okay. All right, I’ll see you next week.Hide Transcript