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Avoiding Mommy Burnout and Teaching Our Kids a Better Way (Part 1) (Ep 42)

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This is a 2-part episode and blog post:

Part 1: focuses on mommy burnout and creating the connections you need to prevent it.

Part 2: focuses on helping our kids and teens overcome burnout and anxiety.

Let’s talk about Mommy burnout, ask any mother of a toddler, and she’ll assure you ‘it does exist’. But we can feel it at every stage! Today I have a very special guest, Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, psychologist, and author of Mommy Burnout, discussing all things mommy burnout.

My goal for today’s episode is to help you reclaim your life and raise healthier, happier children in the process.

Because we have so much to say, this episode is broken into two parts – part 1 (this one) and part 2. Let’s go!

This episode will help:

👉  Overwhelmed moms identify and combat symptoms of burnout
👉 The lonely mom feel more confident in finding or building her tribe
👉 Keep you out of the ambulance due to burnout (IYKYK)

In this episode:

3:49 Defining Mommy Burnout
10:52 Recognizing and Combating Burnout
12:13 You Need a Full Stop
17:57 Leaning on Your Tribe
20:40 What if you don’t have a tribe?
26:49 Getting creative in building your tribe

What is Mommy Burnout

What even is mommy burnout and do I have it? Turns out that burnout is way more than being stressed. We’ve all had a day here and there that has just kicked our butts, but burnout is chronic emotional and physical exhaustion.

A really good way to describe it is like drowning. It’s like you’re under the water, and you can come up for short, shallow breaths, but nothing too big. You’ve got just enough air to keep you living, but certainly not thriving, and this is how you feel day after day, maybe even month after month.

Burnout is not a fun place to be, and if you’re not careful, you might find yourself unconscious in front of the alligator exhibit at the zoo. ( Ask me how I know….)

Recognizing and Combating Burnout

So here you are trying to balance the busy, live in alignment with your values, and avoid mommy burnout, but just how do we do that?

The first thing we need to do is to take burnout seriously and not wait until an emergency forces us to take a break. Dr. Ziegler is adamant about this. If we can recognize and become aware of the warning signs of burnout, then we can make intentional changes that are chosen instead of being forced upon us.

Because, guess what, if you don’t make the choice to take burnout seriously, your body will do it for you.


What are the signs of burnout?

Some of the telltale signs of burnout could be that you are feeling more irritable or like you have a shorter fuse. You could start to forget things or lose interest in some things that used to excite you. You might be avoiding family and friends. You might start to let your self-care practices slip a little or lose interest in intimacy with your spouse. Your sleep quality might start to decline, or you might be skipping it altogether because sleep is for people who aren’t busy, right?

Those are some of the top clues that you are heading towards burnout, and if you’re raising your hand high, like YES, that’s me I’ve got some advice for you:

You Need a Full Stop

I can already hear you saying, “But Leah, you don’t understand I CAN’T stop!” To which I say that I completely understand.

I was absolutely under this perception that no one understands – I can’t stop. I am the breadwinner, I am the stay-at-home mom. I am the homemaker, I am everything. If I stop, I disappoint everyone. I ruin everything.

Well, guess what? You end up in an ambulance, and you’re admitted to a hospital, and you are then forced to take a full stop.

This actually ended up being a huge blessing and eye-opener for me because I was able to see that the sky didn’t fall, the world didn’t collapse!

And that was honestly shocking for me. I had believed and told myself this story for so long, that our life would collapse if I stopped. And then, when I had no choice, well, it kept on going.

That ambulance became a gift because it allowed me to stop believing that story. I started getting the big breaths I needed. Instead of drowning and getting only these tiny short breaths. I started being able to fill my lungs again and actually feel like, oh my gosh, I can see light, I can get to the other side.

What does a full stop look like?

My full stop was physically collapsing and waking up in an ambulance. Your’s does not need to be nearly as dramatic. A full stop can look a lot of different ways. Sometimes it might just be shutting down the computer a little earlier today and leaving emails for tomorrow. It might mean turning off notifications and heading outside without your phone to just breathe. It might mean booking a Hawaiian vacation and completely checking out for 6 days. (Yes please to Hawaii! Who’s joining me there?)

The point is to make an intentional stop, where you can take some time to check in with yourself and recharge.

Building and Using Your Tribe

You don’t have to just check in with yourself, in fact, now is the perfect time to phone a friend! If you have somebody in your life that you love, that you trust, that is your confidant. Pick up the phone and call them! And in case, this time you’re thinking, “Leah, if I am busy and feeling burnt out, they probably are too, and who am I to say my needs are greater than theirs?”

The truth is, we need each other. And the good news is that we don’t all have the same needs all at the same time. So maybe right now while your in burnout mode, they are in a good spot or vice versa. And if not, if you are both feeling burnt out and needing a break, why not connect with each other for support? You could spend two hours together, the first hour you get the focus and the second hour your friend gets it.

What happens is we leave that exchange, whether that’s on video, on a phone call, or in person, feeling better! We get their ideas, get their feedback, and we got to do one of the things that human beings thrive most on. We got to be helpful. We got to listen. We got to be there for someone else, and now all of a sudden, our oxytocin is bubbling up, and we’ve got feel-good hormones going because we got to be in relationship, helping someone else.

When you’re dealing with burnout, connection is one of the very best things you can do. This past episode with Camille Walker shares some really good tips on connecting with your tribe.

“Leah, what if I don’t have a tribe?”

Okay, I get this question all the time.

Dr. Ziegler has an entire chapter in her book called, I Swear I Used To Have Friends. So it’s safe to say that you are not alone in what you’re feeling. This is actually good news because that means that there are lots of other lonely people out there too!

Uh, how is that good news?

Because it shows that your people are out there, and they need you as much as you need them! We do have to put in the work to find them. And I get it, that can be scary, but with some creativity, we can absolutely build our tribes – the reality is, they aren’t going to build themselves. And while social media can be great in the ways that we are able to connect and keep in touch digitally, there is just something about actually connecting in person.

You could join or even start a book club, sign up for something new like a cooking or art class, try a new fitness class, or join a local hiking group.

Just something to get out of your comfort zone and meet new people. I promise it’s worth it, and soon those people can become part of your tribe.

Okay, as you can tell, we’ve got a LOT to say on this topic and we’re actually just getting started! But I’m gonna stop us here and break this into TWO episodes.

Next, we are going to be diving into helping our kids and teens with burnout, so hop on over to part 2 with Dr. Sheryl Ziegler.

Links You’ll Love:

Masterclass: Reclaim 6-8 hours a week for YOU

Should running your business really take this much time

Podcast: https://drsherylziegler.com/podcast/

Quiz: Are you burned out: https://classes.drsherylziegler.com/quiz-dr-sheryl-zieglers-burnout-quiz/

Book: Mommy Burnout

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drsherylziegler/

TedX Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwvctN3Uejg

Other Episodes You’ll Love:

Why matters more than how when STAYING balanced (Ep 37)

Busy & Productive are not the same thing (Ep 32)

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